We all, both men and women, have feminine and masculine qualities that define who we are. Your masculine side gets expressed when you are working towards a goal, making progress, getting things done, and pushing forward. Your feminine side gets expressed when you move with the flow of life, embrace your creative energy, dance, play and attune to your internal process.
These opposite energies are necessary to embody in order to feel like a complete person. Even though men tend to identify more with masculine energy, it is enjoyable for them to let go to be flexible. And the same goes for women: we tend to naturally enjoy moving with the flow of life, but we also like being clear, directive, and progressive.
It is satisfying for all of us to have outlets for both our masculine and feminine tendencies. However in our culture, masculine qualities, since they are about progress and moving forward, tend to be “valued” more than feminine qualities. This creates a feeling of off-balance, both individually and culturally.
When we overvalue masculinity, we spend most of our time working and very little time resting, taking vacation, and spontaneously connecting with others. When we overvalue masculinity, we become dependent on man-made things, such as our smart phones and laptops, and spend less time in nature and expressing our creative selves.
Being overly-masculine and underly-feminine leaves many of us longing for something else–something rejuvenating, something wild, something resourceful, something spontaneous–but we don’t know what it is!
What it is is the feminine. Without even knowing it, you are seeking her out.
If you are stressed-out and seeking renewal, let me assure you, you can have it. Here are several ways that you can practically get in touch with the feminine, in yourself and in the world:
Many of us are so busy that we rarely take time to listen to what’s going on inside of us. If we are always acting in an extroverted way, it creates a schism within; we lose touch with our deeper selves.
This can be easily modified. All you have to do is internally connect to who you are. An excellent way is to do this is to start therapy. When you work with a therapist to explore your thoughts and feelings, you are essentially are diving into your deeper, internal (feminine) side.
Places can be characterized as either masculine or feminine. As David Deida talks about in his book, Intimate Communion, New York City is a highly masculine place, while Hawaii is very feminine. San Francisco, where I live, is somewhere in the middle–an eclectic culture of artists and progressive, techie innovators.
The feminine is life force energy. Places like the forest, jungle, parks and the ocean are abundant with natural feminine energy. Go there when you are feeling out of sync and in need of revitalization.
3. Creative energy
The feminine is the creative force. If you think about a woman’s body, we are femininity expressed in human form, and our bodies are designed to create life.
Creation can occur in many ways–artistic expression, writing, dance, painting, dreaming up new ideas. Visioning what you want to create. Anything that expresses your flow is considered feminine.
4. Emotional attunement
While the masculine is defined by logic, the feminine is expressed through our emotions. We all have emotional selves, but many of us have not been taught how to understand our feelings.
If you are confused about your emotional process, don’t worry, you can learn to be more attuned to yourself. You do this by listening to how you feel. As you get to know your feeling states, you’ll automatically begin to feel more whole.
5. Spontaneity and play
Let’s be honest, we do not value vacation, connection, downtime, or rest as much as we should! We are overworked (over-masculinized), and therefore not experiencing the spontaneous joys of life.
Too many of us wait until our next vacation to feel relaxed and playful again. Don’t wait that long! You can have mini-vacations everyday.
Prioritize time for relaxation. Read books, listen to music, do yoga, and simply enjoy the moment. When you get out of your overworked state, you will feel more like yourself again.
Some of us think of the feminine as being quiet and rejuvenating, but that’s only half the story. Feminine energy is bold as well–she is the the force of transformation.
If things in your life are no longer working for you, it is feminine energy that surges to make a change. This can be dramatic! Destruction comes before creation; we must say goodbye to the old to welcome the new.
While this process of transformation can feel unruly and scary at times, it is necessary. After all, we’re changing all the time. Without the powerful movement of feminine energy, both soothing and unnerving, we would remain stagnant. And nobody wants that.
It’s easy to lose touch your feminine side but, as you can see, it is a necessary aspect of who you are. If you feel burnt-out, overworked, fragmented, or exhausted, you are in desperate need of feminine energy to restore, inspire, and enliven you. Implement these practices, and the feminine will bring you back to life.
Please leave a comment below telling us how you are going to embrace your feminine side. I look forward to hearing from you!