There is something you can do to guarantee getting what you want in your relationships. And it’s probably not what you think. In fact, its probably the opposite of what you think. No, it’s not by getting him to commit or by getting a guarantee from her. You’ve tried all those things–they don’t work. Trying to GET someone to GIVE something to you is always a dead-end street. But there is something else you can do–it’s something that you probably haven’t thought of. This something is called GIVING.
Yes, turns out the old saying is true, “You get what you give.” Problem is, most of us think we are giving; in fact, we think we are giving and giving and giving–too much! If you give and give and give (more than you feel comfortable with) then, I hate to break it to you, but you aren’t really giving. Over-giving is a sure sign of GIVING TO GET. And the truth is, it’s not going to GET you anything (except resentful). No this isn’t giving at all–it’s called sacrifice.
When you are not in contact with your own fullness then you will try to get from your partner the exact thing that you are not 1) giving to yourself or 2) giving to them. It is very hard to give–to genuinely give, without the motive of getting in return–if you are running on less-than-full yourself. This less-than-full is actually is the feeling that causes you to try and GET from someone else in the first place. You think they are the key. You think they have what you’re seeking. So, ironically, what you usually do to try to GET from them is you… sacrifice yourself more? Can you see the irony in that?! Stop over-giving! It doesn’t work!
You see, the only way to GET what you want is to stop trying to GET it–you have to start GIVING it, like, for free. And how are you supposed to so that? You give it to yourself first, of course.
Anything that you feel like you need from your partner–anything you feel like you are not getting from him or her–is a sure sign of something that you are not giving to yourself. You don’t feel like you have it, which is what makes you seek it from them in the first place! I’ll show you.
Let’s say you are you seeking security from him. You want him to commit, you want a guarantee! Then sweetie, if it’s security you are looking for, it’s time to boost up your inner-security chops! Lack in the department of inner-security is what leads you to try and GET security from him in the first place! And, unfortunately, there is nothing he can actually do to make you feel–once and for all–secure. Only you can do that for yourself. The good news is, you can. Easy. Start contacting your own fullness. Start contacting your own solidity and abundance and strength. And once you do–Voilà!–your relationship begins to feel more secure. Let’s do another one…
Let’s say you are looking to get more freedom in your relationship. Well, if it’s freedom you are seeking then this means you are not giving enough freedom to yourself–you have start there. Many people don’t feel free in a relationship because they do things like censoring themselves, hiding the truth, not saying what they really feel–all of these modes of “hiding” are going to make you feel trapped. Often what happens when you’re stuck in a mode of censoring yourself for so long is you start to project that freedom is “out there.” Reality check: there is no freedom anywhere unless you give it to yourself. This means you have to start being REAL. Give yourself the freedom to say what you are thinking, be who you really are, and then, then, you will feel free.
You see, we project exactly what is not happening within us onto our partners–and then try to make them give it to us! Here is the truth that I want you to remember: YOU PARTNER CANNOT GIVE TO YOU WHAT YOU DO NOT GIVE TO YOURSELF. Period. So whatever you are looking for–whatever you are desperately trying to get from them–you must, must, must learn to give it first. TO YOURSELF! Continue to come back to your own fullness, your own completeness–continue to remember that you have everything you need, that you don’t need to GET anything from anyone else. Everything you think you need from your partner you can actually give to yourself. You take care of you. And it is in this knowing–when you stop demanding to GET from him or her and when you start showing up to GIVE–that you really start to receive everything you want.