How to Rise Out of Feeling Stuck

As humans we’re programed to evolve. Not only biologically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as well. We have an innate desire to become better, more whole, more happy.

But have ever noticed that while certain areas of your life and easy to transform, others are not? As a relationship coach, I hear it all the time: “I’m fantastic in my career, social life and health – but when it comes to love, I need a TON of help.” If you relate to this – don’t worry – you’re not the only one.

In this article I’m going to talk about why certain areas of our lives are more difficult to transform than others, and what you can do about it.

The reason we cannot make progress in certain areas of our lives is because of one, simple thing:

We don’t believe in ourselves or in the possibilities of what can be.

In other words, we have limiting beliefs. 

A limiting belief is simply a message within you that tells you you cannot be, do or have what you want. Many times our limiting beliefs are unconscious – they’re below the surface of your awareness. For this reason, you may not be aware that you have a limiting belief, but if feel stuck in a certain area of your life, you can be certain that it’s there.

So what can you do about this? A lot, actually. Here are the steps it takes to shift your limiting beliefs, so you can transform every aspect of your life:

Step 1: Become aware of the limiting belief. 

In order to change, you have to know what’s wrong. Many people want to skip this step; they rather not look at their problems. But this just keeps you stuck. Instead, you have to investigate to find out what’s holding you back, so you can take the necessary steps to change it.

Ask yourself: Where do I feel stuck? What do I feel afraid of? What patterns keep happening that I don’t like?  Your answers to these questions will guide you straight to your limiting beliefs.

In relationships, common limiting beliefs are feelings and thoughts like this: I’m scared I’ll get hurt. I’m scared I won’t find the right partner. I’m scared I’m not worthy. 

In career or finances, common limiting beliefs are feelings and thoughts like this: I’m scared I don’t have enough. I’m scared I don’t have what it takes. I’m scared I can’t do it. 

Look within, confront the fear, and then you can take steps to overcome it.

Step 2: Can you believe that a different reality is possible? 

We have a very particular set of beliefs that form based on our experiences in the past. However, what we don’t realize is that these beliefs are limited – they are based ONLY on what we’ve experienced.

Most people live in an “I’ll believe it when I see it,” mentality. This is standard for someone who has limiting beliefs. Let me show you why:

Anyone who accomplished anything will tell you that they FIRST believed in the goal, and then it happened. The belief precedes the goal.  The dream, the vision, and the conviction in a belief is what causes the necessary inspiration and forces to make it happen.

If you don’t believe in it, it cannot come true. Therefore, in order to shift your own limiting beliefs, you have to believe in an alternative possibility before it becomes realty. I like to call these “higher beliefs.” 

Reaching to higher beliefs in relationships may look like this:

Is it possible for me to believe there’s an incredible partner out there for me? It it possible for me to believe that I am worthy of great love?

In money and career, the higher beliefs are these:

Can I believe that I CAN make it happen? Can I believe that I can create abundance and happiness in my life? Can I believe that I have a purpose in this world? 

If you reach deep enough, you WILL be able to believe in these alternative, non-limiting beliefs. And once you do, you are on your way.

3. Stay connected to the new reality, and it will come true. 

Everything that exists begins as a thought. When you stay connected to higher beliefs that say “you can and you will,” there is no choice but for it to come true. The more committed you are to the better reality (the higher belief), the faster it will happen.

When your fear-based, limiting beliefs arise again (and they will),  simply dig-deep and connect into the higher belief again. You’ll have to do this over and over again; the more you do it, the more the higher belief becomes your truth.

By orienting yourself to the highest possibilities, you will transform your life into the greatest it can be. Transcend your limiting beliefs, and you can have anything you want.

Please leave a comment below telling us one of your limiting beliefs, and the higher belief you’re going to transcend it with. I look forward to hearing from you.

Comments

Martina

I believe that one of the most limiting beliefs in our American society is that ‘we are the good guys and they are the bad guys’. The dictionary definition of ‘terrorism’ is ‘the use of violence against civilians for political ends’. Since the ariel bombing of Vietnam & Laos it has been estimated by a number of ‘war historians’ that in the 201 conflicts around the world that our nation has been involved in (covert + overt military operations) ‘we’ have killed between 20 and 30 million civilians … hard to get exact figure as ‘we’ don’t do ‘body counts’.

“Please leave a comment below telling us one of your limiting beliefs, and the higher belief you’re going to transcend it with” you ask.

The limiting belief (grounded in denial – and formerly ignorance) is that ‘we are the good guys’ – the higher belief is the truth – that our country is the greatest warmonger and mass killer of civiians sinc Nazi Germany. Ouch!

The higher belief – THE TRUTH – hurts; doesn’t it, when one stops living in denial and looks at the facts & figures.

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Susan Vermeulen

I am scared to show how I feel and if I truly like someone ,that makes my heart beat so fast, (first time in 22 years).

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Pieter

Shelly, it is so true we and me spesificly trip myself because of limited believes. The word NOT must be taken out and the word CAN must come in. I CAN get the finance I deserve. I CAN get the correct job / partner / car / house whatever I want. I CAN / WILL be successful. I see myself that I get what I deserve in life and that is Only the Best.

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Chelsea

I have limiting beliefs about money and relationships. I’ve been working to clear my beliefs about money and have seen positive changes : ) for some reason my beliefs about relationships feel harder for me to change, but I am making steps in that direction! I am tired of believing all men are unavailable and that I won’t find the right partner for me. I’m ready to believe there is a great partner for me and that I am calling him in now : ) I truly love and appreciate your work! Thank you for all that you do!

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Kristi Sparks

Thanks for this, Shelly! You’re becoming really consistent with delivering posts of varying topics for self/relational improvement, and that’s nice. Have a great day!

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Shelly Bullard

Thanks for saying that, Kristi! It’s affirming to me because I’m expanding my work to help all people rise to their highest potential in all aspects of life. Love to you. xoxo

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jani

Thanks shelly.
It’s very true that the limiting beliefs are the obstacles to reach what we want.
I have fear may be from my past experiences or in my genes and It makes me to is there anything wrong with me.
I am going to make strong effort to make my higher beliefs much stronger and practice this every morning and interact with the universe while doing this and will take this as a challenge to manifest soon.

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Billie

As I read this I immediately identified three limiting beliefs that are keeping me from accomplishing as much as I would like in love, personal wellness, and my career. “I have something to offer, but I’m still damaged goods.” “I can improve my fitness and health, but I’ll never be able to accomplish ‘X’.” I had no idea that I’ve been sabotaging myself this way. I’m sure that realizing that I harbor these beliefs is an important step in moving beyond them, but how do I get from here to really owning those higher beliefs? If I just keep saying it will it eventually become my reality? Is it really that simple? (I know it works in the reverse, but the negative things are so much easier to swallow.)

Thank you for the wonderful insight today. It really brought some important things to light.

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Shelly Bullard

No. Just repeating what you want is like putting a bandaid over a wound. You have to love yourself in these limiting beliefs. It can be difficult to explain but see if your heart understands. When you feel, “I have something to offer, but I’m still damaged goods,” feel deeper into yourself and see if you can contact the essence of “I have something to offer.” (No but). Stand firmly in that: I have something to offer. This has a completely different energy to it. The more you practice this higher energy, the more you will transform your life.

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Amanda

I’m stuck again. Feeling like I’m chasing after someone who, deep down, I know is not the one for me. It is gut and heart wrenching, and takes so much out of me. It’s hard to let go, the fear of being alone and not finding “the one” takes over. I have a vision of a life partner, but it does feel too much like a dream. I know I need to believe that I’m worthy, and believe that it’s a reality, not a dream.

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Shelly Bullard

Sounds like you have to find “The One” in you first. Otherwise, you’re always going to feel like you’re chasing.

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Sara

Shelly,

I don’t know how you do it, but you always have a message ready that seems to be exactly what I need to hear. I am sending much gratitude your way.

I grew up with two parents who were “I’ll believe it when I see it” people so I’ve had that message hammered into me since an early age. I see now with total clarity how this is holding me back. I’m going to dig out my drawings from a TED Talk where we drew and described our current reality, then drew and described the reality we wanted to live. I think I’l be posting this reality over my desk so I can see where I’m headed!

Thanks again,
Shelly

PS I have recommended your website and articles to so many women in my meditation group – see that spike in web traffic? :-)

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Shelly Bullard

Beautiful! So glad the message resonates for you over and over again. And thank you for the referrals – I appreciate that!!

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Denise

Hi Shelly,
I used to suffer greatly from a limiting belief that I was not lovable. This played out in my love life over and over again. I have done so much work around this that I now finally feel freer than ever and am finally realizing my worth.
I met a man who adores me and has placed me on such a pedestal. However now as a result of that and as a result of him not yet being aware of HIS own worth, he is unconsciously sabotaging our relationship. He is very open to growth, honest conversation, evolving, learning from me and others, etc…but I am wondering something…
do you think it is possible for 2 people who are at very different stages of personal development to make a relationship work? Does it come down to whether or not I can live with any possible frustration I may feel while he is working through stuff?
I really do love him, he’s a beautiful man with a lot to offer, but he he struggles to get out of his own way at times and I wind up being treated with “less” than I really would like. ugh……confused…..lost……please help!!! xo

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Sara

I too am very interested in your response to Denise’s predicament, because I faced this same issue last year. In the end, it did not work out for me because I could no longer coddle my partner through the situations of drama he created through his lack of self-confidence in himself and through “needing” to feel that self-assurance externally from me constantly, rather than knowing it himself.

Sara

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Denise

Hi Sara,
I’m curious, was your guy open to growth and evolving, or was he closed up? My guy is VERY open to growth and works on it daily, but it will take a lot of patience, compassion and understanding on my part as he grows.
I had another relationship where the guy was NOT willing to do the inner work and then it was a buhbye from me. That is not the case here though.

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Sara

Hi Denise,

For my situation, it was both – one day he’d see that his thought processes and beliefs were holding him back and be determined to change. He posted the Four Agreements from Miguel Ruiz where he’d see them everyday but then the next day he would sabotage our relationship again, usually by making assumptions about what I must be thinking or feeling rather than simply asking and communicating clearly. At first I held his hand through this process, sympathizing with him for the feelings or thoughts that caused him suffering but also telling him that it could have been avoided, if only he’d asked me what my thoughts or feelings were instead of assuming.

The truth was that he did not have the courage to express himself openly because deep down he did not love himself and thought he was “beneath” me and undeserving of my affection. He worried that he wouldn’t meet my expectations, when I had never been happier, never been more myself, never been so vulnerable with someone before. He compared himself to Leonardo DiCapro’s character in Titanic, saying that he was out of his league with me.

After a while I began to feel frustrated with the unnecessary drama and asked that he make an earnest attempt to stop making assumptions. Instead, he broke up with me because he assumed I was going to break up with him, it was only a matter of time. I felt devastated, but followed Shelly’s guidelines on self love and care after a break up, which helped me immensely to focus on all the wonderful things I still had in my life. Since then, he has tried many times to change his mind, to start again, but there’s no way I could return to that cycle. It was like being dragged down by someone who won’t swim on their own, so instead of saving myself, I was being drowned by his inability/unwillingness to swim on his own.

I live as mindfully as possible and give a partner the gift of my full presence when we’re together. It took me a lot of struggle and self-work to get here. I know that I have a lot to offer but I also know that I need to be with someone who knows that he too has a lot to offer. I am enough. Finding a partner who can add something to my life is like the icing on the cake. The cake was enough, but the icing makes it better. Thanks to Shelly I know that won’t happen if he doesn’t already believe that he is enough.

Every situation is unique but mine did not work. I have learned so much from it though that it has made me stronger and happier. And oddly, something else happened in the process, which is that men seem to be more attracted to me now. I haven’t found anyone I’d like to date yet, but perhaps in time. :-)

I hope everything works out for you and your man Denise.

Sara

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Denise

Thank you Sara. I hope so too. We are in the early stages and I really hope he is going to step up and do the work he needs to do. Time will tell. Thanks for sharing your story in depth. I have no doubt that your man is waiting in the wings, ready to soar with you. xo

Shelly Bullard

First, any time you are placed on a pedestal, you know that it’s not going to go well. Because the only reason someone does that is because he doesn’t feel good enough about himself – you become supremely important. So while it may feel good at first, eventually there’s a fall.

And that’s a good question about being at different stages of growth. In my recent experience, I have outgrown certain relationships (romantic and friendship) that are no longer a match for me. In these cases, the parting was quite easy and peaceful. Although of course there was sadness involved, most of me knew that I was on a path to something different – something that this person couldn’t do.

We never stop growing therefore we are never perfect. Someone is always going to be making adjustments to who they are. You just have to decide if you can accept him, exactly how he is, right in this moment. If you can, then it’s probably going to work for you to stay right now. If you can’t accept him or how the relationship is in this moment, then it’s going to be a tough road.

I hope this helps. xo

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Denise

Thank you Shelly. I can definitely accept him where he is at right now on his path, but because he is struggling to fully accept himself it shows up in our dynamic. For example he was unable to feel excited, passionate and affectionate towards me last weekend because he just wasn’t liking himself enough. He was somewhat withdrawn because of it. Fortunately he is (and with my help) able to see it and talk about it. He really wants to work on this. I just worry whether or not a person can really work on this while in relationship or if they need time alone to do this work. For now, iI will stay put and give him some time. Thank you.

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Laura

When this has happened to me it seems to be the result of the other person having a struggle being with themselves and looking for a way out of their void. Its flattering but demanding. This is a set-up for drama. If a person can’t fulfill themselves with themselves they place alot of unrealistic importance on the other person.

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Maya

Shelly,
Thank you for yet another beautiful post. Your words inspire me just at the right time. I’ve been feeling low these last few days as my feelings of desire (and love) for my partner, and for myself, have slipped down to almost non-existent levels. I’ve been worrying so much about why, and whether they’ll come back again, and should I break up with him, etc. etc., that I’m just making myself feel worse.
My limiting belief?: “I cannot love or be loved”.
My higher belief(s): “I am the creator and the receiver of love. I am worthy of love.”

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Shelly Bullard

I’m glad you’ve started the process of identifying the limiting beliefs, and orienting back to the higher belief. That is our work throughout life – to keep acknowledging the dark (not running from it or denying it, simply acknowledging that it’s there), and turning back towards the light. I’m so happy this post was helpful for you. xoxo

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Mark Charlton

Great article – thank you!

I’m constantly working on my own limiting beliefs. I find the sadness difficult because I must let go of certain friendships that I don’t feel nourished by. Do you have any advice about feeling limited around family?

I’m trying to let go of beliefs that were enforced by my behaviour a long time ago around self-image. It’s taught me the importance of acting from those higher beliefs now so to avoid problems in the future.

Thank You and good luck on your path.

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Madhubanti Chanda

I am so inspired reading your article! I promise that for the next few ours, I will only brlieve in the best outcomes….n renew the “pact” every time after that! #heyitworkslikethatforme!

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Leanne`

Hi Shelly,
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, it really rings true for me.

I have been feeling stuck in 3 areas of my life. In relationships I want The One but keep getting rejected by men I’m not even that into, lol. I want to lose weight but can’t get motivated to exercise, and I have an autoimmune disease that is very irritating.

Intellectually I understand that these 3 things are somehow connected. I even read in a post above that I need to find The One in me…This is embarrassing but I have no idea how to do that or how to get to the feeling that I want to ultimately have…ironically (or not!!) it is all very frustrating.

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Shelly Bullard

Leanne, Thanks for your comment. Yes, they are all related. You’re going to have to reach for the feeling you want to feel (in your body, in relationship) step by step. As you reach for the new feeling, you will start feeling inspiration and motivation to change. My eCourse could help you a lot – you can check out the details here: http://www.manifesthim.com

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The Winter Sads |

[…] was reading up on one of my favourite love life coaches, Shelly Bullard, about this exact topic and she said that this is also related to our ‘limiting belief’ […]

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