It is a natural process to become dissatisfied with the depth of love you feel in your relationship. (Ugh, we hate this experience, don’t we?!)
I think it’s safe to say that most of us know what this is like. Love always starts out fantastic–bliss, butterflies, fireworks! Ah! New love is the best.
But sure enough, as the relationship continues along, things eventually die down. The love that started out so blissful can begin to feel dull.
This is not fun for anyone. In fact, many of us feel shame about it, or confusion. But I love this person, don’t I? We wonder why things went from so good to just so-so.
While we’d all like to skip this step of love, there’s actually a very important message in this experience. If your life and your love feels mediocre, then it’s time for you to grow.
In love, growth usually means one of two things: Deepening in your current relationship, or moving on.
Culturally we are taught that we should arrive to the place of satisfaction and never, ever leave. Like when we hit 30, or 40, or 50, we’ll have made it to the Promised Land. So when we do arrive to these places and the feelings of dissatisfaction come back, we think something has gone terribly wrong.
Nothing has gone wrong. The desire for more is a natural process in life. Without it, we would never be propelled in the direction of growth.
The way I like to look at it, life is a series of arrivals and departures. Feeling deeply fulfilled, and then wanting more. Back and forth. Completion, and then again, wanting to go deeper. If it didn’t happen this way, we would just stay put.
Pioneering wouldn’t happen if our desire for more wasn’t blazing. We are insatiable; the thirst within us wants to be quenched over and over again. The newness of life comes from stepping out of the old.
Wanting more soul, more love, more progress is what keeps us creating and changing and becoming. And so, it is natural that we also experience this in our relationships, too. It’s how they get better.
This is where your work comes in.
Are you going to explore your desire for more, or are you going to try to escape it?
Are you going to recognize that you are a growing being, and your relationship is a growing entity; or are you going to shut down in despair and dissatisfaction?
Again, you have a couple options. You can bring this desire for more to your current partner and make an effort to deepen with them. Or you might decide the the relationship has run it’s course, and it’s time to let go.
(Personally, I would try to deepen with your current partner first. Many people stop their relationships short of trying to deepen; they end up jumping from person to person without going further with anyone. Just an opinion.)
Maybe deepening means striving for more passion; so do what it takes to bring passion into your life and your relationship.
Maybe deepening means getting vulnerable; then do what it takes to unblock the barriers to your heart.
More means something different for everyone. You get to explore what your deepest heart is wanting in this moment, and then you get to go for it.
I know wanting more scares you. Following your truth will take you into the unknown. You have the path mapped out in your mind; there’s no room for detours! But growth includes detours. Following what’s true requires nothing short of a courageous heart.
I encourage you to accept your desire for more as a natural part of life, and use it to entice you into deeper growth in your relationships, your career, and your purpose in life. When you do so, you will be pleasantly surprised to find more satisfaction waiting for you around the corner, along with another opportunity to grow.
Please leave a comment below about how pioneering into the unknown led you to a greater experience of growth. I look forward to hearing from you.