Overcome Loneliness & Find Your Tribe

People desire to feel connected. It’s one of the most innate aspects of our being.

And yet, even in this time of global connection, so many people still feel isolated and alone. There’s a deep craving to be a part of community and to find your “tribe.”

I have craved that as well in my own life, and this past year I made a breakthrough in creating my ideal community. I finally discovered what was getting in the way of me finding my tribe, and I did the internal work to manifest deep friendships that I’d been longing for for years.

In this article, I’d like to share my process with you – what limiting beliefs I had to let go of and the mindset I had to build – to attract the the type of friendships my heart has been wanting for a very long time.

I hope that by sharing my path with you, you’ll also be able to manifest a community of people that feel like “home.”

Step 1: Examine what’s blocking you from finding your community.

The first step to creating a new reality in your life is to uncover what’s blocking that reality from you.

In other words, what beliefs or experiences are you having right now that are standing in the way of you creating the community you desire? 

For me, this was a very vulnerable question to ask, which is why I avoided it for so many years. It meant I had to come face to face with the loneliness I had felt throughout my life.

And that wasn’t all…

On top of the loneliness was a ton of shame – shame that maybe loneliness meant something was wrong with me. I was scared to acknowledge my loneliness because I really didn’t want this to be true.

Yet this is a classic case of how we get stuck in realities that don’t work for us. Any feeling we refuse to feel (in my case, loneliness), gets “stuck” in our psyches, and continues to sink in, creating more of the same. In order to change, you have to actually look at and feel the uncomfortable feeling, and most people aren’t willing to do so.

So how did I do it?

With a lot of gentleness and ease.

I can remember sitting in my apartment, the loneliness was bubbling to the surface, and instead of pushing it down or trying to distract myself, I simply felt it.

“I feel lonely. That’s what’s happening right now.”

Ironically, by acknowledging that I felt lonely, this experience loosened it’s grip. I could see that it was just a feeling, and that by simply feeling it, I could let it go.

Step 2: Ask yourself, “What do I want?”

After I acknowledged feeling lonely, the next step was to explore what I wanted to create as far as friendships.

What type of friendships feel good to me?

What would it feel like to have a “tribe”?

As I explored what I wanted in friendships, here’s what I came up with:

  • Spirituality is at the center of my friendships, because it’s the center of my own life. 
  • I want to feel known, seen, heard and understood on a really deep level.
  • I want to feel supported and cared for, and to give that back to my friends.
  • I want to be friends with people who are deeply committed to their personal evolution.

By describing what I wanted in friendships, the essence of these relationships started to emerge for me energetically. I could feel “who” was in my tribe before it came into existence.

This is one of the cornerstones of manifesting – by getting to know what you want, you create a new vibration that calls this experience to you.

Step 3: Surrender

The final step, which is surrender, is either the easiest or hardest, depending on who you are.

Surrender is like saying, “Okay, I’ve done the inner work… now I’m going let go and see what happens.” If you have faith that this is how the Universe works, then surrender is easy. All you have to do is let go.

But if you don’t have faith (which is totally fine if you don’t), then surrender will be hard. Without faith, we think that we have to force new experiences into existence. Little do we know that this “force” creates tension or resistance in our vibrations, which then keeps what we desire from us.

I’ve manifested quite a few significant things in my life, and it works the exact same way every time: I acknowledge the block (i.e. loneliness), I create a new vibration (what I want), and then I literally forget about the whole thing and continue living my life, in the most aligned way possible. Manifesting my tribe happened the exact same way.

Soon after I did the inner work, I randomly felt a strong call to go on a retreat, and there I met the first member of my new tribe. We both felt like we had known each other for a long time, and our connection was deep from the very start. She embodied what I had been seeking in my friendships; I had no doubt that she appeared because of the internal work I had done.

I told her a few months after we met that I thought I manifested her, and she cracked a big smile and said, “I think I manifested you!” Turns out, she also had been asking for a friendship like the one we were in the process of creating.

What I hope you take from my experience is this: There are no limits to what you can create in your life.

Whether you’re seeking partnership, abundance, a tribe or love… it is all available, waiting for you. You can create the life you desire – and it’s always going to happen from the inside-out.

Please leave a comment below listing the qualities of the tribe you want to manifest. I look forward to hearing from you!

Comments

Denise Munteanu

Hi Shelly!
I feel the same…like you speak my language.
Love ♡♡♡

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Dionne R.

Thank you for sharing your heart with us Shelly. I am no longer willing to live a lonely life; I am ready to claim my tribe. They will be compassionate, loyal, adventurous, kind-hearted, full of joy, positive, caring, and bold.

Blessings to you.

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jude

Hi, I’m really grateful to God that I can across this blog site and I must say that it has been most helpful to me as I have learn a lot.

My main challenge is fitting into the society and also improving my communication skills in my relationship.

Most times my girl friend mis understand me and in the process of trying to correct things I end up complicating the whole situation.

Please I will be waiting for your reply.

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Shelly Bullard

Maybe when she misunderstands you, don’t try to correct her. Just let it be and see what happens… :)

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mlg

You hit the nail on the head – again! Manifesting what and who we want is a critical life skill. I didn’t know this for literally decades of my life…and you, Shelly, taught me to see that and to learn. The key is doing the work…and it is sometimes difficult work. And yet, as much as I used to run from feelings by avoiding being alone, eating, drinking, shopping et al., now I know the rich and powerful process of sitting in my feelings – really feeling them – in quiet and actually letting myself stew in them in order to process and move through them. Thank you a million times for the powerful work you do.

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Shelly Bullard

Yes Yes Yes mlg. We we sit with our feelings, we accept ourselves fully. And everything we desire in life flows from that. With love! xo

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Rebeca

Wow Shelly!! This reading really hits the spot with me. I feel the kind of loneliness that looks as I lost my tribe. I feel like acting a role, which I like, as a lovely mother to my children, and a good partner for my husband, always taking care of every detail to pursue my family wellness. However, I keep feeling that my true purpose of life is out there, waiting for me to achieve. I love my family, deeply, but I wish to serve to a higher purpose. I know there is a perfect time for everything, but sounds marvelous to find people aligned with your likes and life goals. This email you sent out brought some light on what I have to do to eliminate what is blocking me from reach my better self. I am very thankful for this insight. Have infinite blessings and love in your life.
Rebeca

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Rachel

I’m so glad I came back to re-read this especially touching post..and that I read through the comments and found this video link. Wow. Watching this one time, I felt a shift. I would love to see some writings from you on this topic Shelly! The way you distill concepts/information really helps me understand/get it for myself. Thank you.. xo

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kd12

Shelly, i think i manifested this blog entry!! ha! Just last week I was tapping (EFT, emotional freedom technique) on feeling lonely and without friends. I’ve been working so hard on undoing limiting thoughts/beliefs plus raising my kid & getting a new career going that I’ve felt little energy left to devote to this subject. But once I tapped on it, the tears flowed at how lonely I have felt without adult friends.

I love your advice. And your list of friend qualities are a match to mine, especially the last one about personal evolution. It’s not only fun to learn how to evolve, but it’s also fun to share experiences & support.

So thanks again for yet another wonderful blog entry!

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Shelly Bullard

Hahahha! LOVE that!I’m SO happy this resonated for you, kd! xo

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Ahsoka

Thank you for this.

I have been poisoned for months with loneliness. Last week, I had a very in depth conversation with a friend about connection. I have been feeling so disconnected with people. Especially the people in my location. I do not feel close to anyone. And that scares me, it makes me feel so alone and I have this fear that I will be alone for the rest of my life; like I will never find anyone to love.

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Shelly Bullard

You have to start by building a connection to your higher self. Without that, all other connections will fall short. With that connection in place, you will build connections with others easily. xo

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Gerda

Hey Shelly, would appreciate hearing more on how to actually establish the connection with one’s higher self from you. There’re tons of info on this topic though you have a talent expressing complex things in an easy-to-grasp manner which I appreciate and it’s inspiring! So perhaps in one of your upcoming blogs :) cheers

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Lori

It is amazing to me how the exact things I am going thru you address at the perfect time.

I want fun and depth to my friendships.
i want to be supported without being analyzed.
i want to know i have people.
I want people who laugh a lot and don’t take the weight of the world on their shoulders.

Thank you for what you do!

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Shelly Bullard

Amazing desires/vibration Lori. Now feel into those people. Get clear what that tribe really feels like. And when you’re ready, let it go and continue living your life in the highest-vibe possible. This will call them to you. xo

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Jennifer

You mentioned ‘building a connection to your higher self’. What steps do you recommend for that? P.S. Thanks for the great blog.

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Chelle

Thanks Shelly – I am a Chelle but was called Shelly as a kid.

I am experiencing this right now – the feeling of disconnection which I have felt many times before. But at other times in my life I have felt very connected. I feel I am not living in the right place for me and that’s partly why it’s hard for me to manifest strong friendships – because I am always feeling like leaving. But i know that a part of this ‘leaving’ feeling is also a subconscious pull to escape the difficulties (like loneliness) of life. So sometimes it can be hard (now) for me to identify how much is place and how much is this other feeling. I have travelled a lot and will be a lifelong traveller – so I do have beautiful friends all around the world which I appreciate – but it’s not helpful when you really need good friends who are physically close to you.

So my practice now is connecting to my higher self and working out what it wants and if it is really right that I should go somewhere else now. I have the feeling also that of course it’s difficult to make deep friendships if your energy is actually pulling you away from a place all the time. People will also probably feel that.

Thanks for your writing Shelly it is really helpful and I am on very much the same journey as you. We would probably be friends if you lived nearby :)

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Shelly Bullard

Beautiful awareness, Chelle. Yes – it sounds like you know of the contradicting energies within you, and now it’s about really being with those feelings (to let them go) and building a new vision of what you want. Thank you so much for your comment. And I LOVE your name! xo

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LA

I am really relieved to see that there are others that feels like me, I am not alone. Yesterday I was feeling utterly lost and completely disconnected from my friends and family. I searched for something in my emails not related and this article popped up. What a coincidence huh?

After I graduated med school a month ago I went on a massive personal evolution process and attended seminars, read books, videos and anything else i can get my hands on. I do not feel I have that much in common anymore with my family and friends as they are not into personal development and its almost as if our energies are not compatible anymore. I still love them but feel completely disconnected and unsupported. Also, I live in the midwest which is rather conservative, not very health conscious and does not fit with the model of life i want to represent.

What do you guys think: bloom where your planted or plant the plant in an ideal environment?

Thanks Shelly for this article. You are a wise woman. :)

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Shelly Bullard

Follow your intuition about where it’s best for you to be to grow. :) You’re welcome, LA. Thanks for your comment and I’m glad you found us! xo

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sam

Hi Shelly,

it’s like we vibrate on the same page. I was just thinking about how I would love to make some new friends. I find it difficult to connect on a more fulfilling level and like you say it must have to do with addressing my fears which I recognize as an insecurity within myself – ‘I’m not good enough for this person or friendship’ so keen to try this out and see how I go. I love your blogs you don’t know how much relief and encouragement it gives me to keep moving forward with life. Address those fears and get what I want. Thanks so much! You are brilliant.

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Anna

Hi and thanks!

I love the way you express the friendship you are looking for. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

I will keep those words. Thanks!

Anna

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Anna Mae

This is perfect timing Shelly and exactly what I needed to hear right now. I had a particularly lonely day the day before this popped into my inbox. I’ve grabbing with the emotions of loneliness and wanting to find my tribe for a while now and what really resonates with me in your article is the just letting go part. I have a tendency to go after the things that I desire and to want things to happen fast. It’s a helpful reminder that I need to let go, trust the universe and just allow things to unfold in the natural and beautiful way that they usually do. Thank you so much! :)

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Michaela

I was waiting for an article like that – thank you, Shelly!

I’ve never really felt connected to other people but have always longed to find my tribe, “my people”. However, since I never experienced it, I find it very very hard to believe in.

Any advice how I can start to believe that finding the right people is possible for me, too?

Thank you for the inspiration! :)

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Shelly Bullard

Well, I don’t know you so I don’t know exactly what’s getting in the way. The reality, anything is possible, so this is, too. xo

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Shen-li

Hai Shelly,

Thank you for your article. You definitely had made me questioned my inner self.
May I ask you a question? Does low self esteem contribute the ability of giving to & receiving from others?

Shen

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Shelly Bullard

Yes – the more you give love to yourself, the more you can give and receive it from others. xo

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Robin

Thank you for this Shelly, so lovely. Any thoughts on the idea of pulling out of a relationship in hopes of changing the energies that are being exchanged within it? Having a tough time deciding whether to continue communication/interaction with another or if “letting it be” might look more like having no contact for a while.

Thank you for your kindness and sharing.

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Shelly Bullard

It just depends – it will be different for everyone. I would try to feel into what would bring you more peace, then let that guide you on what to do. Thanks for your comment and questions. xo

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Swenja

Love your article.
I felt really understood and I made me start thinking where the feeling of loneliness inside myself comes from.
I live in a beautiful city and have friends here but because I love traveling and I have done this extensively I sometimes feel not understood and that I am different than others or not connected.

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Shelly Bullard

It’s normal to feel disconnected sometimes – that’s part of life. But if you recognize that the real sense of connection comes from within, then you will experience more connection in your life.

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Me

Hi Shelly,
I think I’ve said this before……I totally am a believer of the LOA!

I have a few groups of friends, but because I am single and they are married we are not always able to hang out with one another. I also have quite a few friends that live in other states/countries so we are not able to hang out very often as well. Most of these friends are females. Many weekends I am home on a Saturday night or even during the day. So I do feel a bit lonely sometimes.I would like to strengthen these relationships/connections, though.

I would also like to make new friends. I would like to find new friends that I can feel comfortable being creative with and create different artistic, songwriting, writing, photography projects. I would like to make friends with both females and males, especially males. I wonder if I built strong relationships/connections with males as friends, if that would help me when it comes to romantic relationships?! I am not saying that these men would be men I would date, just that they would possibly be good examples of men.

Also, I think when it does come to dating meeting more men in “real life” that I see on a somewhat regular basis might be good for me. I am somewhat of an introvert and also quite anxious is new situations, so I don’t think I give the best “first impression”. Do better opposite sex friendships help you with romantic relationships?

How specific do I have to be with your request to The Universe when it comes to finding my tribe? How long should I wait until I take action in finding my tribe?

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Shelly Bullard

The truth is, I don’t know if you building friendships with men will help you with men romantically. That sounds specific to you, and only you can answer that questions (if intuitively it feels like friendships with men will help, then I’d trust that).

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Ally

Thank you, Shelly. I just moved to a new city and without any friends I have definitely felt the loneliness. But I recognized it, acknowledged it, and then asked myself what I could do about it. I since then joined a very community-centered yoga studio (where I’ve already made one friend who has so much “tribe” potential, she’s such a gem and I feel so lucky to have met her) and a book club where I’ve met two other women who are so loving and open and already have made plans with to get to know each other better. It’s true. Like you said, instead of distracting yourself, figure out what it is that’s going on, and then act on it xo

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Janice

Hi Shelly! Thank you for writing such a wonderful article, it brought me to tears. You see, I am new to my area and left my tribe back in Florida. I have had a very difficult time finding a new one here in NC. On top of that, I have MS which, although I can’t prove it, caused me to lose the job that I moved for.

I thought I was building a new tribe, when she suddenly de friended me.

I crave the daily companionship I once had. And though I talk to my old friends on the phone, it’s not the same.

Any advice or guidance would be greatly appreciated.

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Debra

Hi Shelly… I follow this advise but the men out there don’t take care of themselves physically or mentally and that is an issue for me…I look very young for my age and cannot find a man who is still active as I am. I enjoy life, always doing something even though I am retired.

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Shelly Bullard

These are your false beliefs. If you think that “all men don’t take care of themselves” (which, by the way, is an incredibly extreme belief), then that’s what you’re going to find. I meet men who take great care of themselves. It’s all about beliefs.

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Mae

Shelley,

I don’t have a comment for this particular post but I have something I’d like to say in general about your emails I really appreciate the authenticity and clarity you provide within each one. Your message is clear, FULL of truth and never any fluff. Your words resonate so much with me and (of course I know this is no coincidence) always come in perfect time. I get a lot of emails from various ‘self help’ coaches, teachers, etc. They usually go unread and straight to the trash. I am always delighted to see your name in my inbox because I know it is a dynamite message from someone who ‘gets out of the way’ to let light, love and pure truth shine through…most effective for teaching. Thank you again for sharing your truth, being vulnerable, raw and real so others might actually learn. Love, Mae

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Shelly Bullard

Hi Mae,

Wow! Thank you SO MUCH!! You’re message really touches my heart. Thank you.

Love,
Shelly

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Yvonne

This article was right on time and Blessed me so much. Thank you. I’ve been praying for my tribe. I want people that seek truth that are bold and don’t care what others think. That will love me unconditionally with no judgement or jealousy and have the mindset that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE GOR FOR IT! People that are there through it all, thick and thin and I want to give then the same. That we feel full in each other’s presence and after we leave, there’s a peace.

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sharmaine baltazar

I really felt so lonely deep inside me right now.. and the truth is, I am just trying to be strong and not to feel affected on what i am going through. I can’t accept that my dreams are broken because of this unwanted pregnancy. I was planning of doing abortion but i just can’t do it because i am so afraid. The guy who made me pregnant abandoned me. This is the second time that i am pregnant. and people always leave me after knowing i am pregnant.

Now that this had happened. I always asked myself, why people always abandoned me? Maybe i am not really meant to be loved. When I read your article that it is how you believe from the inside-out, i felt there is hope..

I just need advise, how will i be able to accept my situation right now and start loving myself again? I mean, when i though about of accepting my situation, it’s too hard to do..

please help me.. i am dying now because of loneliness.

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Shelly Bullard

You have to be present with yourself. That’s how the loneliness subsides. If you don’t know what that means, I would suggest your read these two books: The Power of Now (Eckhart Tolle) and A Return to Love (Marianne Williamson)

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SARAH TAYLOR

I love this post so very much, because I have been desiring SO much to find my tribe, especially lately. I have a handful of friends who I adore, but are so busy with their own lives and families that I feel like my fiance and I just created this bubble. Where we don’t do much with others. He doesn’t see his friends and I don’t have many. It has caused SO much stress for me in the relationship because he is content (he says) with just being with me. Where I am slowly losing interest, and fast. I almost feel like my soul is calling me to either walk away or take a break and work on my self love first. I have read every self help book you can think of, meditated, journaled, cried, walked away from bad relationships but still to this day, I don’t love myself nor do I truly understand the REAL feeling behind it. I don’t feel in love. I blame that on myself mostly and other times I think no its your heart, Sarah. Listen. All in all, I desire SO badly to have this beautiful tribe of men and woman whom I can learn, grow and be myself with. I think a lot of my problems have been due to my confidence issues. I don’t feel pretty enough, good enough, smart enough, happy enough. Enough. I have used this as a way to keep me at bay from friends so I don’t have to deal with the fact that I am too fat, or not funny enough or that no one will like me. I am just so fed up. I truly think I need to sign up for your course. It sounds like I need self love more than ever. Thank you for this post. I needed to hear it. You are such a beautiful light. xo

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Shelly Bullard

Yes, Love, self love is where you have to start. All my courses will teach you how to do that (how to access the energy of Pure Love within yourself) because this is the foundation for creating everything/anything you want in your life. xoxo

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Pamela

Yay, Shelly! I manifested two lovely gal pals this year by pretty much using the same technique…only in my case, I had to forgive myself for losing two previous friendships via mistakes I made, and moving on from the lesson learned. I knew I wanted a couple of good friends to do fun things with outside of my Meetup group’s events, and that would be supportive, caring, have good common sense, etc. I found exactly that, and we get together on a regular basis now for all kinds of fun stuff.

Reply

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