The Secret to Unlimited Happiness in Your Relationships

The secret to feeling unlimited happiness in your relationships is learning this simple yet radical practice:

It’s not your partner’s job to “give” you anything. In fact, when you let go of trying to “get” from him or her, not only will you feel incredibly happy in your relationship, but your partner will feel more inspired to give to you naturally. 

Why this this true? Well, trying to “get” anything from another person is just bad news. Let’s start with talking about why that is:

Expectations for someone to give you something (especially a feeling-state) leads to dependency in relationships. When you feel like its another person’s job to fill you up, it automatically means you’re not filling-up enough on your own. It’s very easy for us to project our needs onto other people and expect them to fulfill them. This is not what a relationship is for! If you feel insecure within, then it is your job to connect to a sense of security inside yourself. Doing so will allow you to loosen the grip of trying to “get” from someone else.

Second, it’s a futile experience. Again, no one can give you a feeling state that you don’t consistently feel on your own. You’ll feel disappointed again and again if you’re trying to use another person to fill up your cup.

And finally, trying to “get” from people pushes them away. You know the feeling… someone nagging at you for something? And you sense there’s a bottomless pit behind their nagging? This does not feel good – it automatically strains relationships and pushes people away.

So if you’re familiar with this pattern of trying to “get,” how do you change it?

You create a spiritual practice that connects you to fullness within. 

Spiritually speaking, we are all whole. However, most of us don’t relate to ourselves this way. We think that we are incomplete, which causes the need to “get” from others. This mindset is called your ego.

Creating a spiritual practice drops you below your ego into a place that no longer needs to get. It’s a place of stillness, silence, and here and now. It this internal space, you fill yourself up. When you do this practice consistently, ironically, your partner and everyone else start to feel completely inspired to give to you. 

Creating a spiritual practice (like meditation, yoga, or daily internal reflection) is the jumpstart to changing how you relate to other people. It teaches you that, despite what your ego tells you, you don’t have to “get” anything from anyone. Everything you truly need is found within (radical, I know… but true). As you practice this more and more, you’ll automatically bring this wholeness into other areas of your life. And here’s what happens in your relationships as a result:

You feel independent. Not in a dysfunctional way that pushes people away, but in a way that you stop grasping at others. This produces an ultimate sense of freedom in relationships; it’s the experience of acceptance and non-attachment.

You realize that happiness is truly infinite, because it starts within you. No more waiting on other people to feel good; you rely on yourself to connect in. Love, happiness, and wholeness are inside of you, and you get to experience them as much as you want.

And finally, people are drawn to you. Strongly. 

When you’re connected from the inside-out, you beam. You have a graceful confidence that’s impossible to miss. Suddenly everyone wants to be near you. You actually start effortlessly “getting” from others in ways that you always wanted, because you stopped trying to make it happen.

Practice finding happiness and connection within yourself first and your relationships will transform into the best you’ve ever experienced. You’ll let go of the clinging and grasping that accompanies being dependent on something outside of you; you’ll let your partner be who he or she is, and you can be you, too. This is what it is to experience true bliss in love.

Please leave a comment below telling us how you’re going to practice connecting to the fullness within you, so you can create the relationship you’ve always wanted. I look forward to hearing from you.

Comments

S

I will practice connecting to the fullness within me by committing myself to improving my confidence through exercise, pampering, and setting aside more time for me to pursue my own interests and discover my passions.

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Jasmine

Thanks for yet another great article Shelly! I have a question wherein finding hard to stop nagging! My boyfriend has said he is getting stomach ozone regularly. But he doesn’t go to the doctors! I find I’m getting frustrated with him because of this. Is this something again that I should accept?
Lots of love, Jasmine

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Shelly Bullard

He’s on his own path. You can’t convince him to do ANYTHING – and the more you try, the more he’ll resist. Instead practice accepting his decisions as his decisions (this doesn’t mean that you need to LIKE his decisions, you just have to respect them).

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jasmine

Hi shelly,

Thank you for that advice. Your articles are so inspiring and uplifting. I got over the issue about nagging my boyfriend. But we have recently split up. I’m 35 and he is 27. I want to settle down but he doesn’t. Also his parents will never agree with our relationship because of the age gap. I still do really like him. I ended it yesterday but miss him already. I know I should accept his decision and part of me wants him to change. I still want to be with him. Is it worth me being friends and working on myself to overcome the negatively I’m feeling? Looking forward to your help xxx

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Nat

Thanks Shelly! I guess without even knowing it I’ve started doing daily internal reflections. Whenever an emotion or reaction comes to the surface, I try to figure out where it comes from or why I’m feeling that way, for I know that it has to do with my egoic self.

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Nathalie

Hey! For me its the opposite problem: My bf always wants to be with me even when I’m busy, and I feel he’s dependent on me, that’s why I think its important for me to have more space between us and not see him for longer. I don’t know if that will work.
Thank you,
Nathalie

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Denece

OMG ! This article describes me to a “T”! And with my relationship on the rocks, it couldn’t have came at a more perfect time! While reading this I had a huge awakening! I am going to start today! Learning how to love my self. Learning to be “full” with my oneness and ho

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Denece

Oops pressed wrong button. Anyways to finish, learning to be happy within so that I won’t feel the need to have anyone else fill me with love. This is just what my guy (not in these words) has been trying to convey to me. Many thanks again

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Shelly Bullard

YES!!! Relationships are SO MUCH MORE FUN when we don’t rely or depend on another person to fill us up! Thanks for your comment, Denece!! xoxox

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Ignacia

Thank you Shelly for the advice from now own i will stop beging to my partner i will love myself more than him, and no need to asked his time for me

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marcella parker

I am trying to count and live only on myself as if I were single, although I am married, so any thing else is a bless, for example, if I am taking care of the backyard, I pretend I am single and living alone, so just knowing he is inside the house reading let’s say, his newspaper, and let’s say “ignoring” my outside work, I feel great, because I actually could be single and living by myself, but I have a handsome husband that I know loves me and cares for me very much although in his own way, I have been practicing this instead of getting upset for not getting a “helping hand” for things that I can do by myself, this behavior empowers me and allows myself to be more gratefu like (and the list can be very big), my backyard which I like, I can walk barefoot on the grass and connect myself with mother earth, feel grateful because I am healthy enough to work outside, beautiful weather here in Florida and “still” have a husband that loves and cares for me although on his own way.

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Shanti

I felt certain uncomfortable when my bf didn’t reply my message properly…I always tense to do the same…but after I did the same I’ll be regretting later…tried to control myself but always fail…

Love
Shanti

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Shelly Bullard

Find love, comfort, peace within. This will help the impulses. Then, when you’re calm, you can decide what you want to do about the fact that he doesn’t respond. xo Shelly

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Julia

Thanks Shelly for your words. They really mean a lot to me in a moment that I’m trying to find myself. It helps to know that having fulfilling relationships depend on you. And a connection with yourself makes you stronger, so any negative reaction from others doesn’t upset you. On the contrary, you take your time to analize the situation and understand others.

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Megan

Shelly,

This post is fantastic! I think this is the wakeup I’ve needed of late. I started dating a wonderful, but older and more mature guy who’s looking to settle down. I too am looking to settle down and we both enjoy our time together. From the beginning he made it clear to me that he’s not in a rush into a relationship but would instead like to take the time to get to know someone before making that distinction. For me, I felt the connection stronger and at an earlier stage in the dating game and I can see the potential for a lasting relationship between us. His slower pace has been infuriating to me and I’ve been using it as a block from just enjoying my time getting to know him. I think I would benefit greatly from a spiritual practice to bring me back to center. I’d really like for this relationship to go the distance.

Thanks!
-Megan

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