A Simple Way to Receive More Love

I went on a beautiful date this week, and it reminded me of a really important lesson about receiving love.

There is a common way that many of us block ourselves from receiving care from others; when we do this, we push away the love that we are yearning for inside.

In this short video, I talk about how to recognize when you are blocking yourself from receiving care, and how to shift your perspective so you can receive much more love in your life.

Comments

maria

Thanks for sharing Shelly..
I have thought like that and perhaps currently think like that…
But, on another side, I don’t like giving my address to someone that I don’t know, for safety issues… did you feel like that? Is it it my block???

thanks
maria

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Shelly Bullard

I trust this person. We have had enough contact that I know I can trust him. :) My gut tells me when I can feel safe with someone and I always trust it.

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Leri

First, thank you a lot for your wise blog and videos… I enjoy reading you (and now listen to you).
You’re so right… It’s sometimes (or often, or ALWAYS ???) difficult to let the others take care of us and show us some love.
I’m myself a caretaker and most of the times, when I’m down, I can’t let people do the same for me. Like I don’t deserve it. But I know that push people away.
Your video helped me to be conscious of that, and I try to have it in mind next time someone try to show me some love.
Thanx,
Leri

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Shelly Bullard

You’re welcome, Leri. Yes, we have to shift first. Often us givers feel like we don’t deserve receiving love (this is why we over-give in the first place, because deep down, we don’t feel worthy). So that must be healed first – and that is your work. Recognize that you are completely worthy of receiving love. And start giving lots of love to yourself. Once you do this, you will be much more comfortable receiving love from others.

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Laura

Thank you Shelly for this very important reminder!I was able to accept this type of giving at the start of my relationship and it has flourished! Just today, a year later, I had to remind myself to accept his offer to help me and not say the typical, “oh no, that’s ok, I can do it.” It’s a constant dance of giving and receiving. (Your date sounds like a real gentleman :).
I have really enjoyed getting to know you through your writing and videos and appreciate your wisdom and authenticity. As a fellow SF woman, I am so happy to know you’re here doing such important work. We all need more love!
Xo,
Laura

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Shelly Bullard

Thank you so much, Laura! Yes, relationships do flourish when we let others give to us. We forget than men want to help us. We have to consciously allow ourselves to take it in. Thank you so much for your comment. xo

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Deborah

Hi Sweet Shelly,

Glad you had such a lovely first date!

I want to wish you well on your new method of sharing w/the videos.
You make great points here.
I am proud to be a healthy, happy 59 yr old and confirm what you are saying about receiving and giving,
I am aware over the years that I have not graciously received many compliments; they are given and I just blow them off like I never heard them at all. Several years ago one of my male clients asked me about this…if I felt it was inappropriate, etc. No, they were not. I finally realized it was a ripple effect of my self esteem issues.

Let’s all be nicer to ourselves so we will be kinder, more compassionate and empowering to each other.

Blessings.

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Shelly Bullard

I love what you said here Deborah. Change always starts within us. We have to know we are loved (inherently loved, no matter what). And when we know this, we can accept love. Often we seek love out because we don’t know we are loved – and it creates a vicious cycle of seeking and not receiving. Thank you so much for your comment.

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Leslie Ziemba

I do this all the time. I just made plans for a date on Sunday, he asked if I was comfortable with him picking me up or meeting there and because it is out of his way I said, I’ll just meet you. I think when we firm things up on Saturday I will let him pick me up if he still wants to. This is a problem I have with trying to release the feminine in me that craves to be wow’ed but yet I keep on falling for the slackers that like to take a back seat. I want the guy that is going to take charge and want to impress me!

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Shelly Bullard

If you want to attract a man who is going to take charge and impress you, then there are two things that will help: get really comfortable in your feminine energy (all the forms she takes – your sensuality, your compassion, your wildness, etc) and also, this is important, adore yourself the way you want a man to adore you. That will bring him to you! xo

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Paula

Shelly,

At the beginning of the year, I realized I’d been denying myself many beautiful gifts that my boyfriend was offering me. I didn’t even realize I’d been denying the, or refusing to receive them. Since then, I’ve been more adamant about remaining receptive to all the big and small gifts that are given to me from him and others. Also, I feel like this plays into relaxing more into the feminine energy of receptivity (to play on your previous posts and videos).

I enjoy what you have to share about relationships. Thank you!

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Shelly Bullard

Yes! Thats fantastic to catch yourself denying his gifts, and choosing to receive him more. This is what we all have to do – bring awareness to the ways we don’t allow ourselves to receive, and consciously decide to choose differently. Love it. Thank you so much for sharing. xx

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Genna

Hi Shelly,
Thank you for your videos and e-mails and such. I always realize something new about myself when I’ve been reading or watching your info. My love life is a horribly sore subject for me and unfortunately, I do deny myself of receiving loving gestures because I fear being a burden. I recently got my heart broke worse than I ever have before and I feel myself pulling back even more from being open to loving, kind gestures. I guess it is a never ending battle for some…

But I will keep following your page and videos…who knows, maybe you will say something someday that will lead me to the right person…

Thanks…
Genna E.

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Shelly Bullard

Genna, if you are heart broken, yes, pull back right now and love yourself. When you feel healed and full, then you will be ready to be out there again. But you have to desire a relationship from the place of knowing how magnificent you are. That will call a good guy in. If you search for a man while you are heartbroken, it’s likely to lead to a similar cycle. Love to you. xo

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Amanda

I totally do this!! I have always felt like it was better to not inconvenience someone, like they would appreciate it in the long run. IT wasn’t until friend of mine (a girl) insisted that she help me. It was really difficult for me to sit back and let her (she cooked for me, gave a place to stay, helped me find a new home… she’s awesome). But she told me many times that she LOVEs to help and it makes her happy. Since then I’ve gotten better at letting that go (it feels like letting go of control). I really enjoy your blog and videos, you’ve taught me so much. I’m a single mother and have a natural tendency to take on masculine traits anyways so finding my feminine again has been a challenge. Thank you SO much for all of your wisdom and advice that you give to all of us in need :)

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Terri Casey

Shelley, thanks for your insightful writing and videos. Here’s a question I’m working with right now: I like to pay my own way in relationships with men, it seems fair to maintain a “spending equity” on things like entertainment, travel, etc. I’m wondering if this undercuts the beautiful male/female polarity that exists with the new man in my life and if I should agree to receive more? for me, money is linked to independence, and i know this informs my philosophy and feelings. would love to hear your advice about this. thank you, Terri

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Shelly Bullard

I don’t know, it sounds like you might be blocking receiving care from men by insisting on paying. Are you scared of losing your independence and freedom in a relationship? If so, this is probably why you feel insistent on paying. If you felt comfortable knowing that you don’t have to lose yourself in a relationship, and comfortable being taken care of, and comfortable giving back to him (by paying for certain occasions, etc), then you probably would not have a problem with a man paying for you. What do you think?

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Terri Casey

Shelley, thanks for your response. i wouldn’t say i am afraid of losing my independence and freedom in a relationship — i believe it’s more about a sense of the “currencies,” if you will, that are involved and are exchanged in a relationship — be it paying $$ for going out, emotional support, time spent in each other’s company, honest conversation, physical intimacy, etc. I think we all want a sense of evenness and reciprocity in our love relationships, and I think this is possible within the lovely giving/receiving masculine/feminine polarities. I would like to hear more from you on this subject of independence and freedom and being cared for, especially financially — I consider it a question of our time. Can you say more about it? Thanks, Terri

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Renee

I am totally this kind of person and love doing things for others, but your message really made me think twice about it. My problem with this most recently is the person who is often offering to do things for me is a man I dated for 18 months. He broke my heart about 6 months and I doubt even knows it. We are trying to be friends, and he naturally likes to help others, but for me I am worried I will start to want more than is being offered. And I doubt his new girlfriend would appreciate it either. But when I am ready to date again, I will keep your points in mind. I think we get caught up in proving we are not needy and in turn deny ourselves and others. Thanks!

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Shelly Bullard

I agree, his girlfriend probably would’t appreciate it. :) This doesn’t mean that you just let anyone do things for you – you have to have clear boundaries. If you don’t want someone in your orbit because they have hurt you in the past, best to listen to those internal signals to keep yourself safe.

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Dianne

That was a very nice message about receiving love and allowing your date to do that. In the instance that your date does not offer to pick you up when you are going out and you would really like him to, how would you handle that? I would really value some insight on this.

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Shelly Bullard

It depends. If a man isn’t offering to be there for you in a way that you want, I would evaluate if he is the right man for you. We can’t make people act a certain way – we have to know how we want to be treated and not accept treatment that isn’t aligned with that. I would perhaps tell him that you would love it if he picked you up to take you on a date sometime (just putting it out there), and see what he does with it. I wouldn’t demand him picking you up (that’s not going to get him to do it), but I would instead clue him in to what you are desiring and see what he does with it.

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Dianne

Thank you. That is exactly what I have said to him in the past already in a very nice way. He responded well and picked me up once since then.
I appreciate your response.
Women really need to just allow themselves to open up and give that feminine energy in a relationship. It’s so natural and men respond well to that.

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Lindsay

I love this. I find it so difficult because my first impulse is always “No, I can do it, but thanks!” But you are absolutely right! He WOULD enjoy picking you up and being a gentleman and spending that extra time with you. And he would enjoy showing you that he knows how to treat a woman well. So, thank you again for your insight. It’s always spot-on.

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Rick Gabrielly

Hey Shelly, Loved this video and your message. I remember when I was dating my wife, I COULDN’T WAIT to go and pick her up, see her place, have her in my car, take care of her. You are exactly right on all those points. In fact, this is still my way, and I love to give in this fashion. It’s now 27 years later, and we are enjoying the foundation that was built through each of those moments. Sending love to you for your great work and wishing you continued impact. Much support goes out to you! xxoo Rick

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Amanda

What do you do if you feel really connected to a man, and he responds positively as well but just doesn’t follow through? I have tried to be vulnerable in the past which looking back was me pursuing them, which I’m totally seeing how that doesn’t work. So how do you keep the connection with a guy, without being the pursuer. Or even better, how do you get him to want to pursue me?

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Shelly Bullard

If he doesn’t follow through, then that is on him. You can’t change his behavior.

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MARY kATHERINE

Hi Shelly , I Hope your Day is going Great ! Thank U 4 Enlightening Me Today . I Think It Is Very Refreshing 2 See Old Fashion Dating Ethics Brought 2 Light Once Again :) …………………………………………………………. Be Safe in Pure Light . Namaste . <3 .

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Charlene

Shelly, thank you so much for this informative video! It really hit home and got me thinking about all the ways in which I block myself from receiving the love and care of another person.

As per the first post made by dear Maria, I too would also have to consider safety as my first priority. Living in a large metropolitan city, it is not easy to trust people you do not know. On the other hand, we never really know someone and I have talked with many women on this issue, some who have been married for 20+ years, and they have agreed with me. One can never truly know another person.

As per your comment on trusting your gut intuition, I think the most important thing women who are dating must remember is to always trust this instinct, and of course pay special attention to the level of trust and faith within themselves because that is truly where the seed of love really is.

Thanks again Shelly, looking forward to more of your posts and youtube videos!

Char

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S.lynn

Hi Shelly,
I love your newsletter and blogs. I’m a new subscriber. Great job on allowing your date to pick you up! There is something engrained into men (REAL men that are chivalrous and true gentleman), where they want to be in charge and take care of the woman they are after. I had my 3rd date last night and he picked me up for the first time- other times I’ve just met him out at restaurants. It was fantastic and he did get to come in and see my home and my cute style, which probably allowed him to gain an added sense of who I am (creative, clean, organized, etc).
It was awesome!
Thanks again!

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Ana

thank you for sharing! I am from Mexico City and I love your posts, they’ve helped me a lot. Thanks XO

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Elena

Hello Shelly,

Thank you for everything you do. I would love to watch your videos but it says they are privat… Do I have to pay to be able to watch them?

Thanks a lot!

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Shelly Bullard

Hi Elena, No you don’t have to pay to watch. I just made some of my videos private because I didn’t like them that much. I’m sure I’ll make more in the future! xoShelly

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