Love, Just Because
There are different ways that we experience love, but there is one love that trumps them all and that is Unconditional Love. Unconditional love is the biggest of the loves. It is the most pervasive. It is the love that radiates out and takes over everything in sight.
Unconditional love comes with a sense of oneness. Whether it’s people, places or things—when you are in a state of unconditional love you feel as though you are a part of something much bigger than yourself. It is a big, big love. Overwhelming yet soft, all-encompassing. Unconditional love is often wordless and timeless—it just is.
All love is good, right? I mean, who is going to bag on love? Not me. But let’s talk about conditional love for a second, because it definitely poses some problems for us, especially in relationships. Conditional love is: “I love you because ______.” And sure, we all love people, places, and things for certain reasons. Great. Especially if those reasons stay constant. But what if the reasons change? Or what if you do? Then what happens to the love?
Conditional love covertly occurs within a “get-mentality”—“I get blank from you and therefore I love you.” But when I stop getting blank from you, or during moments where I’m not getting blank from you, then we have a big problem on our hands. When the conditions of love change, then the love seeps away and other, not-so-loving feelings come into play. This type of love can create a real rollercoaster within a relationship. One minute your partner is doing all the things you like and you are in love with him or her; but the minute they mess up, ooohhhh, watch out! The love is gone.
Love can’t last alone on conditional love because we change! Often. Luckily, there is a kind of love that occurs regardless of the conditions and this is called unconditional love. Does feeling unconditional love mean you never feel angry or disappointed or other uncomfortable feelings? No. But what it is is a sturdier type of love that is made to last because it extends beyond getting something from someone else—it is about loving, just because.
The only place you can “get” unconditional love is within yourself—it is born, cultivated, circulated and donated by YOU! It is a love that radiates within you and out of you. Unconditional love is the highest form of self-love. It is about contacting (on a very regular basis) your heart, your Soul, your purpose, your joy, your deepest pleasures and meanings in this life. It is about knowing who you really are. It is about staying true to yourself and doing what you love. When you live your life in this fashion, you feel love. It is a love that just exists. Not based on conditions. Not based on outside sources. YOU ARE THE SOURCE.
When we begin to recognize that the greatest form of love we need exists within us (and not outside of us!) then we are in a position providing more for ourselves and others. The more we take care of ourselves, the more we meet our own needs, the less we are “asking” others to meet our needs for us. So much anguish is caused in relationships by this misstep—asking another to meet your unmet needs for you. It doesn’t work that way! What you don’t do for yourself, you partner cannot do for you. Love included. If we use someone else’s love to feel the love that is missing within ourselves then eventually we are going to hit the same block. No one can make us feel love if we don’t feel love within ourselves, for ourselves. The absolute key to cultivating a love that lasts is loving yourself.
Unconditional love is about loving yourself and letting that love shine out onto others. It is an act of giving—“I have so I share with you.” It is about knowing that you are made of love and that you are here to love. It is the love of all loves. This is the one that lasts. This is the one that makes you feel alive and purposeful and joyful. It is one that you should start working on feeling more of today. Contact your heart. Contact your Soul. Listen to them. They will show you the way.