Overworking & Hitting Bottom (Again)
I recently hit another bottom in my life. Luckily, this one didn't involve drugs or alcohol (still sober, 3+ years). But it did involve something I think many of us can relate to:
I hit my bottom with over-working.
After a very full year living in New York City, producing content & courses, and going full-speed, it finally caught up to me. Once again, I could feel things around me crashing down and falling apart (mainly, my natural sense of joy and ease).
This experience was very reminiscent to my first bottom, when I got sober in 2011. This time, I found myself exhausted, in my bed, wondering "What the hell am I doing?"
Why am I working so hard? What am I trying to achieve? What is my purpose in life?
These moments of reckoning stop us right in our tracks. And it's there - in the stillness and quiet - that we can finally hear the truth.
As I lay in my bed, exhausted from overworking, completely surrendered to the moment, the answers, once again, became very clear.
I'm here to embody, practice and teach love.
In other words, I'm here to remember myself as a spiritual being, and help others do the same.
And that's it.
The ego is cunning. It lulls us to sleep so we forget who we are and what we're all about.
This voice is highly convincing; it tells us, "What you want is over there. In the future. When you get _____. Just go for it. Disregard what's in front of you now...."
I'm highly connected to Source, and yet my ego still fools me often. It tells me that what I want is "out there," in the form of accomplishments, people, places, experiences, money, food, and anything else I can imagine.
Before I know it, I'm unconscious, on the treadmill of life, chasing some dream of the future.
I'm writing this article to come clean about my struggle with my ego, and to tell you that I don't want to be seduced by it anymore. That's not to say that it won't happen because I'm sure it will; it's more to reinstate my commitment to you and to myself.
I also want to be clear that the reason I don't want to be seduced by my ego is not because it's bad or wrong. It's because... the ego's promises are empty.
They're totally empty.
Money isn't going to fulfill me. A successful launch isn't going to fulfill me. A certain number of likes isn't going to fulfill me.
The only thing that's truly going to fulfill me is connecting to Source and letting it's message speak through me, in all that I do.
While that may sound limiting, it's really not. Because I can be connected to Source in everything I do (which means I can feel fulfilled in everything I do), as long as I'm not hypnotized by my ego.
Last night I watched a YouTube video of Oprah interviewing Eckhart Tolle. Eckhart was asked the question, "Is the world getting better or worse?" and I thought his answer was profound...
"Both," he said.
"On one hand, the collective ego is advancing rapidly, which we can see in the ways we're harming the planet and each other. But, people are also awakening at a rapid rate, too."
There are two streams of evolution happening in both directions - one towards higher consciousness, the other towards the deception of the ego.
He went on the say today we are reaching a critical point in history - we're either going to evolve beyond our egos, or we're going to destroy the planet and each other.
Heavy message, I know. I don't tell you this to be dramatic or to scare you; I only mention it because I think it's true.
I've been feeling the awakening movement for a long time now (I'm sure you have, too). We're each - individually and collectively - a huge part of that movement.
You matter. Your connection and consciousness matters.
This movement is not about being perfect; it's about doing the best you can.
For yourself and for life itself.
I personally feel deeply committed to the path of awakening (again, when I'm being honest with myself, this is my one, true purpose in life), and in that, I'm committed to keeping my ego in check.
There's a new freedom that bursts open the moment we recognize, "The way I'm doing life isn't working." Things always seem to get worse before they get better.
It's in that "bad" - those moments of reckoning when we question who we are and what we're all about - that the real answers pour through.
My commitment is to be as aware as I can be, and to share that process with you.
And just like that... in stillness and surrender... I'm overcome with relief and satisfaction. The pushing falls away. The forcing falls away. And what I'm left with is the vastness of this magnificent moment, and the assurance that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.
With love & gratitude,
--> If you have questions about this topic or you'd like to leave a comment about your personal awakening process or anything else, please do so below. I'd love to hear from you.
--> If you'd like to watch the interview with Eckhart and Oprah, you can do so here. They start talking about it about it somewhere in the 4th minute (it's 10 minutes long).