Chemistry has a purpose. It's not random; it's not a fluke. There's essential information in the attraction that occurs between two people. It's important for us to know what chemistry is so we can use it to feel more love in our lives. Without understanding that there's a secret order to love, we feel out of control. And no one likes that. Don't worry, you're not out of control. You're just in love. And there's a reason you feel a strong chemical attraction towards the people you do. That's what I'm going to discuss today. I often hear people talk about chemistry as if it's a bad thing. Like we should be wary of the people we're attracted to the most. And I understand why this is a common warning: Because these people tend to bring our issues to the surface. It's true, strong attraction makes for a wild ride in love. But the question is: Is this really a bad thing? Some people will say yes. Sure, if you want life to be easy then the path of strong attraction isn't for you (Side note: Is there an easy path? I'm still trying to figure that one out). Of course, we all want love to be uncomplicated. But we are complicated! So why would our relationships be anything less? From a spiritual perspective, love is supposed to be a wild ride. This doesn't mean that we stick around in relationships that are abusive or feel horrible to be in. But it does mean we recognize that love will provoke us to grow into fuller versions of ourselves. And this isn't easy! Feelings such as of insecurity, doubt, fear, jealousy, judgement, and contempt (all ego feelings) will … [Read more...]
How to Repeat the Honeymoon Phase (Over & Over Again)
Many of us are under the impression that relationships include an initial blast of bliss, followed by a quick decent into "the big fade." We believe that those first love-struck days are not only "unreal" (as in, not based in reality), but also aren't sustainable. Well I'm going to have to call BS. Love is much more powerful than we give it credit for. When we put the proper intention, commitment and work into our relationships, we have the ability to fall in love with the same person over and over again. In this article I'm going to tell you how. My hope is to create a shift in your perception--to debunk the idea that love doesn't last, and replace it with the unwavering conviction that it does. When We Say Yes To Love, Love Says Yes To Us As Robert Holden so brilliantly states, "Love does not come and go; we are the ones who come and go." Love is a force that lives within us. It can always be accessed if we're willing to do so. The problem is, we often turn our backs on love. Why? Because we listen to the loveless thoughts that stream through our heads. We think we're missing out. We think people and relationships get stale. We think problems exist in other people rather than in ourselves. We think love doesn't last. Listen, your thoughts create your reality. If your belief system includes lots of negative, anti-love thoughts, then love isn't going to last long in your orbit (I'm sorry, but it's true). That's the bad news. The good news is, if you train yourself to think with love, then love can become your new baseline (check-ya later, ego). … [Read more...]
Doing This Will Greatly Increase the Quality of Your Relationship
Spending quality time with your partner can save your relationship. This may sound obvious but it's true. It's important to say because the truth is, it's shocking to how seldom we spend quality time with the people we love. You know how fast we go. We're multi-taskers and proud! We have stimuli coming at us from all directions. With all this excessive noise, it's nearly impossible for us to be present with one another. As you can imagine, this does not bode well for our relationships. Sure, we may spend time texting our partners during the day, or zoning-out with them on the couch at night, but are we making time to really be with them? This is an important question to ask yourself if you want to have a fulfilling relationship. Quality love cannot happen without quality time. In this article I'm going to talk about why we aren't being present with our partners, how this affects our relationships, and how to turn this destructive pattern around. The reason we don't spend quality time with our loved ones is because, quite frankly, we don't spend quality time doing much of anything. We're accustomed to being semi-connected to our lives in general. It's sad (and terrifying), but true. We're kind-of present at work, but we are also doing 40 things at once. We're kind-of present with our friends, but we're also texting and updating our statuses compulsively. We're kind-of present with ourselves, but our minds are going full-speed. It's rare that we're genuinely present in our lives at all, and so it is also true with our loves. Life like this isn't … [Read more...]
Fear Will Surface In Your Relationship (Here’s What To Do About It)
Fear will surface in your relationship. I'm sorry, but it's true. It's crucial for you to understand this if you're going to be successful in love. When we don't realize that it's normal to feel scared, insecure, doubtful and off-center with the people we love, our minds begin to doubt the relationship as a whole. When we equate challenges with something being wrong, we've missed the mark on what relationships are all about. In a Return to Love, Marianne Williamson equates romantic relationships to earning a Ph.D. in love. She says, "When we're not in a relationship, the ego makes it seem as though all the pain would go away if we were. If the relationship lasts, however, it will actually bring much of our existential pain to the surface. That's part of it's purpose. It will demand all of our skills at compassion, acceptance, release, forgiveness, and selflessness." Once your heart says "yes," you better believe monumental challenges are on their way. This is the point! Love brings our fears (feelings such as doubt, rejection, jealousy, anger, frustration, overwhelm, and confusion) forward so we can set them right. Unfortunately, most of us get stumped. Why? Because we collectively adhere to the delusion that relationships should be blissful all the time. We know that relationships take work, but let's be honest, we secretly think they shouldn't be hard. Therefore when they are, we usually point the finger at our partners and miss the opportunity to face the fear that exists within ourselves. As a disclaimer, I don't support remaining in abusive … [Read more...]
