How to Repeat the Honeymoon Phase (Over & Over Again)

Many of us are under the impression that relationships include an initial blast of bliss, followed by a quick decent into “the big fade.” We believe that those first love-struck days are not only “unreal” (as in, not based in reality), but also aren’t sustainable.

Well I’m going to have to call BS. Love is much more powerful than we give it credit for.

When we put the proper intention, commitment and work into our relationships, we have the ability to fall in love with the same person over and over again. In this article I’m going to tell you how. My hope is to create a shift in your perception–to debunk the idea that love doesn’t last, and replace it with the unwavering conviction that it does.

When We Say Yes To Love, Love Says Yes To Us

As Robert Holden so brilliantly states, “Love does not come and go; we are the ones who come and go.”

Love is a force that lives within us. It can always be accessed if we’re willing to do so. The problem is, we often turn our backs on love.

Why? Because we listen to the loveless thoughts that stream through our heads.

We think we’re missing out. We think people and relationships get stale. We think problems exist in other people rather than in ourselves. We think love doesn’t last. 

Listen, your thoughts create your reality. If your belief system includes lots of negative, anti-love thoughts, then love isn’t going to last long in your orbit (I’m sorry, but it’s true).

That’s the bad news. The good news is, if you train yourself to think with love, then love can become your new baseline (check-ya later, ego). This puts you in a position to tap into love whenever you want! Anyone who has done so will tell you that there’s nothing more constant and powerful than the force of LOVE.

Love lives in us! It’s not in other people, places, or things. Sure, outside circumstances contribute to our experience of love, but ultimately the amount of love you feel is up to you.

Knowing this, you must create an internal condition that completely supports love. Because when you make a commitment to love, love will most definitely make a commitment to you.

You Can Have More Than One Relationship With the Same Person 

It’s important for us to remember that we never stop evolving; we’re constantly growing, changing, and becoming new. Because of this there’s always the potential to have fresh, alive feelings for our partners, too.

As you move through time in your relationship, allow yourself to notice what’s new and beautiful about your partner. Not only will this feel good to you, but it will also support your partner in becoming the best person they can be.

Ask yourself these questions: How is he changing? How is she becoming a fuller version of herself? How can I support him in being the best version of himself? How can I see the beauty of who she really is? 

Notice your partner’s true essence and support their growth!

A mind that’s not trained to see with love will get stuck on the unfavorable aspects of others. But with some effort, you can shift out of that mode and begin to honor what’s truly great about your partner. In doing so, love renews itself.

Love likes new beginnings. As fresh, exciting aspects of your partner emerge, so will newfound feelings of interest, romance and connection.

Love Deepens With Time

If we give love a fair shot, it has the opportunity to deepen with time.

I think it’s culturally popular to make a declaration of love, then expect it to last. As if one day will keep you going for a lifetime. That’s not how love works. Love takes a daily (moment by moment) commitment.

Relationships are dynamic–they’re alive! They breath, transform, and dance. The natural ebb and flow of long-term relationships is to have periods of time when you’re more separate, and periods of time when you’re closely connected.

Unfortunately many of us allow the natural disconnection that arises in our relationships to go too far. We lose touch and don’t work on reconnecting. This is fine, of course, if it’s what you want. But in some cases it doesn’t have to be this way. We can make our way back together if we remain committed to love.

A micro-example is this: Have you ever been in a fight with your partner and found yourself completely restored and renewed after the make-up? (Make-up sex is infamous!) The reason for this is because it feels good to separate and then come back together (separation is a necessary part of the experience).

If we were completely head over heels in love 100% of the time, we would have nothing to compare that experience to. The reason falling in love all over again feels so good is because we know what it’s like to fall out of love! Reuniting after an impasse is blissful. It is part of the natural course of long-term relationships.

Personally, I have yet to experience anything more gratifying than moving through challenges in my relationship, emerging stronger, more present, and more loving, with my man by my side. It’s a true gift to evolve with another human being; to ride the waves of life and root into a deeper sense of love with every challenge you overcome.

When we choose to say yes to love then love becomes unstoppable! If you’re interested in knowing more about how you can make this type of love your reality, join me for my talk Transform Your Love at my upcoming event Soul Series. I’ll be talking about exactly what you need to do to get the love you’ve always wanted.

In the meantime, please leave a comment below! I’d love to hear how you plan on making love last!

Comments

Katja

Hy Shelly. I would have a quastion for you. I’m together with my partner for 4 years now, and I really love him, he’s my best friend and supporter. But two weeks ago I was so full of love for him and this week I just feel so numb and distanced and I have this sudden interest in other people which never was there before! Can you tell me if this is only a phase or why there is this sudden change of crossed emotions going on im me..

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Shelly Bullard

I can’t tell you–it’s too little information. If you are interested in working with me to explore this more, feel free to contact me!

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Carolyn Flynn

Shelly I absolutely agree! It’s so easy to let love die from the mundane and routine. I have found continued dating, discovery, and adventures together keep the love flame burning. Be honeymooners forever! :)

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Danielle

I just experienced this situation. My love and I have been feeling disconnected. I was placing the blame mostly on him but after finally revealing some hard truths from both of us. It turns out he was more connected to our relationship than I was. That was a huge revelation. I was letting past resentment cloud my judgement. By working through my feelings and promising to be honest about my needs and insecurities I was able to open my heart again and now I’m more committed and feeling the love again. I have to remember that reality is created in my mind and when I approach life from a place of love instead of fear I experience the same situation completely differently. Thank you for your words they have been an amazing reminder that love really is the answer. I’m constantly kicking my ego out the door!!

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Lily

Hi Shelly,
Thanks for your blog which i frequently find myself reading ;) That’s a good thing, right!
I agree with your thought on creating an internal condition that completely supports love… and how you make a commitment to love that love will make a commitment to you. The tricky (or shall i rather say… challenging) part is to keep remembering that, especially when there are times of pure frustration with your partner.
The ego kicks in, in tiny, mad ways… so to keep remembering and connecting that source of pure Love is where the magic starts to fizzle naturally into your life or spiral further away from Love.
At the end of the day I feel it’s a choice as to which thought you are feeding for the relationship/any relationship.
Where attention goes, energy flows, where energy flows, something grows.
Love your work!

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susy

shelly your such a beautiful person! your articles are helping me continue to grow in my relationship with my wonderful man!

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Norma

Beautifully written! Thank you for the reminder of what it is to fall in love with the same person over and over again. When I stop to look at my husband and see how wonderful he is it’s like witnessing a miracle. Even when he does the small things for me. He does it with all of his heart. It’s easy to get caught up in the trials of every day life, kids, money, bills, etc. etc. But when you walk in love those things get put towards the back. Look forward to reading more articles from you. :)

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carley

hello, i know this post is off a wile ago however id like an opinion? i have been with my boyfriend for little over 4 years and of course we have had ups and downs but i have always felt deep love for him. we have revisited the honey moon stage a few times during our relationship and i know that tat phase doesn’t last forever. but after a good 6 months in that stage i woke up one day feeling totally numb towards him? this scared me very very much as i desperately want to spend the rest of my life with him. i got awful anxiety from this as the thoughts ‘you just don’t love him anymore’ kept popping up. its hard to explain but i know that is not true as i feel i love him so so much deep down, i am just finding it very difficult to express that.i keep thinking that maybe it is because i became a bit stressed with my life, just before this happened i restarted full time education as well as having a part time job, this was a big shock to me and i became very tired and unmotivated. could this be linked? am i just finding it hard to adjust my new life and coming out of the amaxing honey moon stage?

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Shelly Bullard

Yes – you have to feel a deep sense of who you are – your connection to love within – before you’ll be able to decide what to do in your relationship. It sounds like lots of areas of your life are “off” right now – get back on track and you’ll have more clarity. xo

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Alex

Hello basically the same thing happened to me as with Carley I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 7 months now about two weeks after our 6 month I woke up one day and felt numb and like I had no feelings I freaked out and got really bad anxiety I broke up with her but I know I still love her I can feel it deep within me and sometimes it feels like something is blocking those feelings from surfacing so I got back together with her 4 days after I broke up with her things have been getting a little better but at this moment I feel a little something towards her but not a lot what do you think is going on

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