Ladies, Stop Trying to Change Your Man!

Women often ask me: How do I get my guy to open up more? How do I get him to connect? How do I get him to tell me his feelings? How do I…get him to be more like you?

Easy. Stop trying to get him to do anything.

The reason trying to get someone to change doesn’t work is because the underlying message is: You aren’t good enough as you are. 

I’m not satisfied with you. I’m disappointed. I kind-of don’t like you.

Do these messages inspire you to get close? Be a better person? Be a better partner?

Not a chance in hell. I’m sure these messages make you want to run, too. And the same goes for your man.

There is no stronger human-repellent than being forced or controlled, but we do it all the time. And it really takes a toll on our relationships.

Let me tell you a little secret about how your man operates: He’ll feel inspired to open up and connect to you if he feels accepted just as he is. When you cease trying to make him be something he’s not, then he’ll want to get closer to you.

Because when we feel accepted we want to be close. That’s just how it works.

So how do you stop trying to change and control him?

Simple: You accept yourself, first.

When we don’t accept ourselves as we are, then we try to get people to make us feel better. We rope them into soothing us; we make them responsible for our well-being.

Anytime you make your happiness someone else’s responsibility, you are going to try to control them to get what you want. This makes for a complete disaster in relationships. Because it’s impossible!

He’ll fail, you’ll get pissed, and he’ll back away. 

It happens every time.

For the sake of your relationship (and your sanity) stop trying to change him. Stop trying to get him to do things to make you feel better. Take the focus off of him and direct your attention towards improving your relationship with you.

Because the real truth is, when you get comfortable with you, your man will definitely want to get more comfortable with you, too.

Comments

Adriana

“Because when we feel accepted we want to be close” Very clever!!!!
I came across your blog a few weeks ago and it’s been a real pleasure to read you. Thanks for sharing your insights and (re)shaping the way we think about ourselves and our relationships in general. Thanks!!!

Reply
its very hard to change the man so let live them the way it is.

Iam very happy to get this website sothat we can share our ideas about our relationship cause in human being always we are learning from each other thanks for youe ideas it will make different to my relationship.

Reply
Lendy Etheredge

Hey my name is Lendy I’m 27 yrs old my friend in his 30
He don’t want to change he still want to be a player we stay together we have sex
All the time but he don’t want to be in a relationship he don’t won’t talk bout his
Feeling to me or how he feel he think I’m trying to take over the house hold
But I’m not and sometime i try to get him to be a gentleman beside a thug
I’m trying to change him but he don’t want to change what should I do I don’t want to run him off we be kicking with each other for 8 yrs what should I do cause it kinda stresstressing me out and I’m to cute to be stress out

Reply

Share Your Experience With Us!