Women often ask me: How do I get my guy to open up more? How do I get him to connect? How do I get him to tell me his feelings? How do I…get him to be more like you?
Easy. Stop trying to get him to do anything.
The reason trying to get someone to change doesn’t work is because the underlying message is: You aren’t good enough as you are.
I’m not satisfied with you. I’m disappointed. I kind-of don’t like you.
Do these messages inspire you to get close? Be a better person? Be a better partner?
Not a chance in hell. I’m sure these messages make you want to run, too. And the same goes for your man.
There is no stronger human-repellent than being forced or controlled, but we do it all the time. And it really takes a toll on our relationships.
Let me tell you a little secret about how your man operates: He’ll feel inspired to open up and connect to you if he feels accepted just as he is. When you cease trying to make him be something he’s not, then he’ll want to get closer to you.
Because when we feel accepted we want to be close. That’s just how it works.
So how do you stop trying to change and control him?
Simple: You accept yourself, first.
When we don’t accept ourselves as we are, then we try to get people to make us feel better. We rope them into soothing us; we make them responsible for our well-being.
Anytime you make your happiness someone else’s responsibility, you are going to try to control them to get what you want. This makes for a complete disaster in relationships. Because it’s impossible!
He’ll fail, you’ll get pissed, and he’ll back away.
It happens every time.
For the sake of your relationship (and your sanity) stop trying to change him. Stop trying to get him to do things to make you feel better. Take the focus off of him and direct your attention towards improving your relationship with you.
Because the real truth is, when you get comfortable with you, your man will definitely want to get more comfortable with you, too.