This article is for all the women (or men) out there who fall into the trap of over-giving to your partner. The truth is, lots of us do it but we don’t necessarily know why.
Maybe you find yourself chasing men, or you’re overly nice (and it’s not authentic), or you’re doing majority of the work in the relationship. All the above scenarios would be classified as over-giving in a relationship.
Essentially the general feeling of the over-giver is that you do too much and are not given enough in return. If you identify with this dynamic, then I have some surprising news for you. This way of being actually turns your man off!
I know, I know, we’re taught to believe it’s just the opposite; that if we’re nice, good girls everyone will be happy. You can still be nice and good, but if you are over-functioning, the truth is your probably sabotaging the whole deal. Here’s why:
Within a relationship, there is one person who holds majority of the masculine energy, and another person who holds majority of the feminine energy. These poles create an attractive charge between you and your sweetie. The further the poles are from each other–the more feminine and more masculine the energy–the stronger the charge.
For those of you who identify with the feminine in the relationship, it’s important to know that this energy is about being receptive. This means the feminine is happiest when she is sitting back and receiving (wouldn’t you agree?). And, this also means that the masculine is happiest when he is moving towards and providing. The masculine likes to pursue the feminine! But…
Guess what? As an over-giver, you’re taking on the masculine energy in the relationship!
Over-giving creates a constant flow of forward-moving masculine energy towards another person. By over-providing, you’re not leaving room for your man to step up and move forward. What you’re actually doing, unfortunately, is pushing him away.
All that forward energy can make him uncomfortable so he backs off into a more feminine, receptive mode. How about that for sabotage?!
This dynamic is not fun for relationships. If you’re the femme in the relationship and you find yourself in this mode, what can you do? Take a step back and allow yourself to receive (it’s easier said than done). Both of you and your masculine partner will be much happier as a result.
Please leave a comment below about your experience with over-giving. I look forward to hearing from you!