Why Forgiveness Will Completely Transform Your Experience in Love
This step is all about recognizing that essentially we are all good people who have been hurt, and because of this we make mistakes and hurt others. We have a true self, which is our inherent goodness (Soul), and a wounded self, which operates from fear (ego). It is your ego (the wounded you), not your Soul (the true you), that goes on to hurt other people. This is true for everyone.When we operate from our own wounded self (fear and hurt), we hurt other people. And we have all hurt other people! Many of us have really hurt people that we really love! This doesn't happen because we are bad people. This doesn't happen because we are flawed, or less-than, or just plain f-ed up! It happens because we are also hurt! And same goes for anyone who has hurt you too. Anyone who hurts others is also hurting. Does this make it ok? Of course not! But it's true, so it's better to recognize it as a reality rather than staying caught in the illusion that certain people are evil. Viewing others as "bad" calls for justification of anger and resentment; viewing others as wounded calls for compassion.(Again, this isn't easy, but it's true.)Step 4: Call Out Your Ego
It's time to look at your part and to take some personal responsibility. Ask yourself "How have I brought pain to this person or situation? How have I done a similar thing that was done to me?" This can be hard to do, but it is so important.Getting really honest about your part in the situation is essential. Your part may be that you have done something very similar to what was done to you (this is often the case, especially in our adult relationships). Or your part may be that you have held your own anger and hatred against a certain person for a long time (this might be the case for things that happened to us when we were young). Get as honest as you can. Go down your list, look at the specific things you listed, and ask yourself "Have I done a similar thing?" You might be surprised at what you find.