: 25 September 2013

3 Simple Ways to Increase Self-Love

Self-love is necessary if you want to have a really good life. But what exactly is it?
The term “self-love” is a buzz word these days, however the true definition may seem a little elusive. In this article, I’m going to discuss what I believe self-love is, and give you three easy tools to integrate more of it into your life.

Radical self-love is the experience of feeling love within yourself, as well as all around you.

In a moment of self-love, love takes over your entire consciousness. You are not separated from the thing that you love; you are the love. Love is the only thing that exists.

These intense self-love experiences–feeling completely at peace and full, like a conduit of love–make life worth living. Luckily, with a little bit of devotion and practice you can have this all-pervasive feeling of love in your life everyday. Here are three easy ways to do so:

1) Heart Meditation

Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, and feel deep into your heart. Notice the energy that exists in your heart chakra (the area in your chest). See if you can feel the fullness inside of you just by paying attention to this part of your body. Focus there for a few minutes as you breathe.

Now, after spending some time feeling into your heart, start to think about things that you love. These thoughts can be memories of times you have felt connected to another person, or places you resonate with, food that makes you happy, music that enlivens you. Pay attention to what it’s like to simply experience the sensation of love.

Feels good, right?

If you go deep enough into your heart, you can feel the love circulating, growing and expanding inside of you. This is self-love. Anytime you feel a void of love, use this technique to jump back into the flow that is surging through your heart. It’s within you at all times, just waiting to be tapped in.

2) Soul Searching

I think it’s common for us to hide from the inner-workings of our psyches and souls; it can be scary to look at what’s really going on inside of us.

But, soul-searching is a process that guides you to what’s real. And getting real is a necessary part of loving yourself and allowing others to love you, too.

You are a human being, which means you are constantly growing and changing. You’re never finished with this process, so it’s natural to continue exploring who you are as you move through the journey of life.

If you ever feel disconnected from yourself, ask yourself these questions to connect back into your heart:

What do I really love?

What is important to me?

What is my purpose in life?

What is my gift to the world?

Who am I really?

The answers to these questions will point you to a deeper truth that lives inside of you. Just the act of making contact with your truth is a form of self-love. You’ll notice how freeing, exciting and full it feels to allow yourself to get honest about who you really are. And once you know, you can share your gifts with the world. This is a pure expression of self-love.

3) Gratitude

It is impossible to feel anything other than happiness and love in a moment of gratitude. Gratitude and radical self-love are one of the same.

Spend some time everyday (it just takes a few seconds) thinking about the things you appreciate in your life. Pinpoint anything and everything that wakes you up and makes your heart sing. By doing so, you will reawaken the love that lives inside of you, and you’ll feel how this love takes over everything in sight.

The truth is, there is always something to feel grateful for (just as there are always things that are difficult). Gratitude is not about bypassing the challenges in life; it’s about recognizing that there is beauty all around us if we just stop and take a moment to notice it.

I encourage you to use all of these tools frequently to tap into the love that’s waiting for you, inside your heart. By connecting to the love that exists within you, you will automatically feel more love for yourself and for the world (remember, these experiences go hand in hand).

Please leave a comment below telling us the ways you tap into the love that lives inside of you. Thank you for sharing your love with us and the world.


  1. Beth on September 26, 2013 at 8:36 pm

    Hi, coincidence or not, today I was walking in the park with my baby and thought “how do I make me feel better about myself, even not knowing exactly where I am going and what are the next steps”.And when I came home, checked my messages and saw your post.
    Thank you. It inspired me back to myself!
    Love, always.

    • Shelly Bullard on September 26, 2013 at 10:45 pm

      Love this. Thank you. xo

  2. Leah on September 27, 2013 at 2:03 am

    I Love you Shelly haha Kiss Kiss !!

  3. Madison on September 27, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    I loved this post. Actually, I love all of your posts. They give me a lot of insight into myself and my relationship. I think it’s very important to love ourselves. If we can’t love ourselves then how can we expect to be able to love anyone else?I’d love to see a post about how to express anger in healthy ways. I find myself feeling under-appreciated much of the time. I love being a stay at home mother. But it’s no easy task. Sometimes I get discouraged when my significant other doesn’t offer me any help, even if it’s as simple as playing with our daughter so I have the opportunity to get dinner cooked. When I feel discouraged and unappreciated, I begin to have a lot of angry feelings. I have a very hard time expressing myself to my significant other. If I ask him to help out around the house he replies that I’m complaining at him and becomes very defensive. I could ask him to help me out in the moment, but most days he says he’s tired and just wants to relax, or he says he’ll do it later. My reaction to this behavior is often negative. I don’t want to have to nag a grown man to pick up his clothes and take out the garbage. I don’t want to be the “nagging housewife”. I want to be able to express and rid myself of my angry feelings in a healthy way. I tend to bottle things up, which my significant other agrees, is a bad thing. My biggest problem arises when I express how I’m feeling and the response I get from my significant other doesn’t validate my feelings and tells me I’m wrong for having those feelings. I’ve always said feelings aren’t wrong or right, they just are what they are.
    I want to be able to express my frustrations and anger in other ways. Or at least do so without angering my significant other in the process of expression. I believe we all have angry feelings at varying degrees. Some of us simply aren’t either good at expressing their anger, or let it control us.
    (If you’ve already posted about anger, my sincerest apologies. I must have missed it!)

    • Shelly Bullard on September 27, 2013 at 3:44 pm

      The best thing to do is to Stop and feel your feelings. Just start there. Then, when you are ready to express them use “I statements.” You can lookup “non-violent language” to learn more about this.

      What I am also hearing though, which is true for all of us, is you want your husband to get it. And there is nothing you can do to force him to understand you. All you can do is express yourself as authentically and non-aggressively, and then you have to let it go. It sounds like boundaries are something to work on. If you are over-functioning in your relationship, then you have to put limits on that. Best to you. XO

  4. Daniela on September 27, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    You made my day. I had an instant aha-moment when i read “You are not separated from the thing that you love; you are the love.” and i thought to myself ‘that’s right whever you feel “Connected” to people and things you ARE LOVE and when you feel disconnected you don’t feel it. So inorder to feel love and feel loved we need to relate authentically. Amazing, i really appreciate your article:)

    • Shelly Bullard on September 27, 2013 at 6:15 pm

      Yes, that’s it Daniela! My article next week will be talking specifically about that connected feeling and relating authentically. Stay tuned…:)

  5. Norma on September 27, 2013 at 6:16 pm

    Love your posts! They’re so insightful and yet very simple to understand. I grew up that self-love was wrong but now I’m realizing how important it is to have a happy life and draw others to you. There is still so much more I need to learn, thank you for the help for my journey.


  6. Jim on October 6, 2013 at 6:49 pm

    Hi All, After years of looking inward, the personal journey and effort is well worth the investment. It is so very important to have a wonderful relationship with the special person that we all have inside ourselves. I believe that self love is the foundation on which to build the rest of our relationships. It took me sometime and I still work on it almost daily but I can openly say “I love me”. My goal is to be open to sharing that love by letting it radiate from with in me. Letting go of worry, forgiving myself and others, rejecting rejection, looking in the mirror and loving me unconditionally and being my weird, crazy, beautiful self. This article hits the “nail on the head”! Thank you Shelly!

  7. Nicholaus on October 27, 2013 at 12:07 am

    thank u shelly i real enjoying it

    • Shelly Bullard on November 9, 2013 at 1:53 am

      Thank you!

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