: 15 July 2015

4 Practices That Will Increase Your Natural Attractive Energy

Attraction is the energy that draws people closer to us.
Attraction creates desire, intrigue and deeper connections in relationships.

Attraction is your key to you feeling completely turned-on in your life.

And attraction is an energy that you can cultivate more of in yourself.

The reasons we’d want to become more attractive are pretty obvious: We all want to feel seen, known and loved by others. 

But what often gets overlooked when we talk about attraction is the fulfillment it brings to a person, regardless of the affect it has on other people.

That’s because when you choose to become the most attractive version of yourself, you’re signing-up to become the person you’ve always wanted to be. 

There’s nothing that feels better than claiming the truth of who you are – this is why the path of becoming highly attractive creates such intrigue in the people around you. 

So if you’re interested in becoming the most attractive version of yourself — whether it’s to increase your confidence or to enliven your relationships — the formula is always the same…

Here are four practices that are fundamental in creating highly attractive energy that will draw people in. By following these principles, not only will you start to glow with love from the inside-out, but you’ll also inspire people to feel highly drawn to you. Enjoy!

1. Know that attractive energy starts from within.

Contrary to popular belief, attraction has very little to do with your outward physicality. Instead it has everything to do with how you feel about yourself.

People we perceive as “naturally attractive” spend less time trying to create an appearance that fits a particular aesthetic, and more time cultivating an inner connection to who they are.

They understand that attractiveness is not about what they wear, but how they wear it; it’s not about what they do, but how they do it.

So what’s the “how” that makes the difference?

Simple: an authentic connection to yourself.

To be authentic, you have to know who you are and practice being this person out in the world. Unfortunately (and somewhat surprisingly), lot of people don’t take the time to get to know themselves! This automatically creates a disconnection… not only from yourself, but from others, too.

The good news is: inner connection really simple to do. I teach the exact process in my course, but you can start with an easy journal practice: writing down your thoughts and feelings to get to know what’s happening inside of you.

Answer questions such as: Who am I? What do I want? What is important to me? From there, you’ll be on your way to knowing yourself in a deeper way.

By creating an inner connection to yourself, you’ll exude an energy of “being connected” which will always inspire others to want to connect with you, too.

2. Take self-love seriously. 

To be highly attractive to others, you must be highly attractive to yourself. In other words, you have to cultivate self-love.

Self-love can be difficult to describe because it’s not a concept… it’s an experience. What self-love feels like is being at home with yourself. Peaceful, fulfilled and genuinely appreciative of who you are.

Sounds easy enough, right? Well here’s where the problem comes in…

Many of us want others to be attracted to us because we don’t feel that great about ourselves. We think the answer to feeling good comes from someone showering us with love!

I can’t emphasize this enough: how you feel about yourself is directly correlated with how others feel about you

To embody attractiveness, you have to care for yourself, love yourself and trust yourself. The best way to grow your self-love is through spiritual practice and meditation.- daily practices that connect you to the present moment will also connect you to the inherent goodness of your being.

3. Stop asking, “What’s attractive to others?” and start asking, “What’s attractive to me?”

There comes a point in most people’s lives when we decide to take a big leap — from trying to be what we think others want us to be, to finally being the people we want to become. The moment you make this leap, your attractive energy goes way up.

Remember, attractiveness always reflects how you feel about yourself. If you mold or change yourself for others, it means deep-down, you doubt that you’re actually worthy as you are. And if you doubt your worth, you can’t inspire strong feelings of attraction in other people.

By saying “F— it, I’m going to be me!” you’re claiming yourself in a powerful way. You’re giving supreme importance to who you are and this, of course, commands respect from others. Self-possession makes others to want to take a stand for you, too.

4. Practice accepting all parts of yourself, including your insecurities.

A common misconception is that people who are highly attractive don’t have insecurities. This couldn’t be further from the truth. If you’re human, it’s natural to doubt yourself from time to time.

But what sets attractive people in apart in this arena is how they deal with their insecurities. Their process may come as a surprise you …

People who are highly attractive don’t resist their insecurities, or condemn themselves for their flaws. Instead, they turn toward their insecurities and embrace them.

Now you might be asking, “Why does embracing your insecurities make people more attractive?”

Because claiming all parts of yourself — including the flaws and “unattractive” parts — is the ultimate act of self-love. By embracing all of who you are, you naturally inspire others to embrace all of you, too.

You can get started embracing your insecurities by speaking kindly to yourself whenever you get triggered. Like this: “Oh, my fear of abandonment is here again. I feel scared right now …”

By staying with yourself during your fears, they’ll dissolve quickly, and you’ll be more confident that you can handle anything that comes your way.

As I’m sure you recognized, the common theme running through this article is this: Being highly attractive to others starts with you becoming highly attractive to yourself. 

When you feel good about yourself — when you create an inner-connection, appreciate yourself, make your own path and embrace all of who you are — you will always inspire others to treat you with same quality of love, too. That’s what becoming highly attractive is all about.

Please leave a comment below telling us one shift you’re going to make to increase your natural attractive energy. I look forward to hearing from you!


  1. Laura on July 16, 2015 at 3:40 pm

    I would like to start a video blog on health and wellness – right now, I am recovering from adrenal fatigue, and still have acne as a result of hormonal imbalance. This has led me to hesitate to start my video blog. Because of my insecurities about my appearance. But I realize that if I am going to love all of me, I need to embrace this part too, and not be afraid to let my light shine in any circumstances.

    • Ahsoka on July 16, 2015 at 6:35 pm

      I know exactly how you feel. I am an actress and my entire means of employment are based on how I look, and if I look appealing to the casting directors. I have started making my own films and I still feel insecure about my appearance, so you are not alone.

    • Shelly Bullard on July 17, 2015 at 4:07 am

      OMG – such beautiful honesty, Laura. I bet if you’re real about that fear in your video blog, you’ll get a lot of hits. We all share very similar fears… that our imperfection means we should hide away. But we’re all imperfect, and showing up even though that’s true is what makes us relatable and beautiful. xo

    • Shelly Bullard on May 23, 2017 at 7:37 am

      Yes!! You can try Estroblock, too. That’s what I use for acne – works amazing. 🙂 xo

  2. Ahsoka on July 16, 2015 at 6:33 pm

    I believe that attraction starts from within. I have been dealing with issues about my looks and my self-worth. And I know that I have to deal with my good traits and my bad ones.

    • Shelly Bullard on July 17, 2015 at 4:08 am

      Yes – embracing all of who you are is key to feeling love (for yourself and from others).

  3. charlotte on July 18, 2015 at 1:16 am

    Im going to embrace my ‘imperfections’ with grace n love <3

    • Shelly Bullard on July 19, 2015 at 12:46 am

      Love that, Charlotte.

  4. Wayne on July 22, 2015 at 1:49 pm

    i accept my insecurities. I sit with them, experience them, and know I can handle anything in my life. I love me!! ❤️

  5. Ana Maria on August 13, 2015 at 1:18 pm

    Thank you!

    • Shelly Bullard on May 23, 2017 at 7:36 am

      You’re welcome!

  6. Casey Anderson on August 14, 2015 at 2:41 am

    Sorry if this message below offends you or others, please forgive me if the message below did offend you or others.

    I have a question/suggestion, do some people come on too strong, because i think that was my problem when i was a kid and haven’t yet to talk about and do you talk about it in your courses if you do, great, if you don’t then i suggest you add that to your courses. is there a difference between sexual attraction and racism?!!!!? because when i was in middle school, the female (african americans); sorry if i offended anyone, please forgive me if i did offend anyone; were attracted to me, but i wasn’t attracted to them, now is that racism or not? Sorry again if this comment offended anyone i didn’t mean for this comment to offend anyone and please, please, please,please, please forgive me if this comment did offend anyone.

    • Casey Anderson on August 14, 2015 at 2:42 am

      Oh yeah and I am a 24 yr. old young adult heterosexual(straight), genetic(xy chromosome) male and still present myself as such. and i had to say that just in case.

    • Shelly Bullard on August 18, 2015 at 1:13 am

      It’s not clear to me what’s going on for you – it doesn’t sound like racism to me, but something is happening psychically where you’re attracting people you’re not attracted to.

  7. Leslye on February 26, 2016 at 5:29 am

    How do you work at accepting yourself and feeling good about yourself if you have a spouse who makes comments about how you look physically? He doesn’t come out and say, “your fat honey”, but he’ll say things like, “did you go to the gym today? “Or, “maybe you should do more cardio to help get rid of this” as he pinched my love handles. Or, this one is the best, ” your not going to eat that, are you?”. It also doesn’t help that I live in Newport Beach where how you look is everything. Any suggestions?

    • Shelly Bullard on May 23, 2017 at 7:35 am

      Yes, he’s reflecting back to you your fears/insecurities about yourself. So, the best thing to do (although I know it’s not easy, but it is the best), is to LOVE YOURSELF. ACCEPT YOURSELF. FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. KNOW YOU ARE HOT! When we think we’re beautiful, other people do, too. xo

  8. Simon on March 19, 2016 at 2:59 am


    In the last few weeks, I started being honest with people about my insecurities (not hiding them, acknowledging that I have them, etc.). The strange result of this is people feel comfortable enough with me to share with me their own insecurities and they seem happy to find someone with whom they can share their insecurities, someone not judging them for having insecurities. So I feel better being real and people feel good having found someone to talk to about their insecurities (therefore being real themselves).

    • Shelly Bullard on March 31, 2016 at 3:53 am

      Yes. <3

  9. Rikshana on March 22, 2016 at 12:47 am

    Hi Shelly, thanks for an awesome course on “how to attract a partner whose ready for deep devoted love”.
    I’m trying to buy your other course “how to become the most attractive version of yourself” which was on sale till today, Tuesday.

    Its still 14:45pm in the afternoon here on Tuesday in South Africa but it seems that the course is no longer available at that price. Can you help?

    Thanks much
    Your Fan

    • Shelly Bullard on May 23, 2017 at 7:33 am

      Hi Rikshana,
      Sorry, MindBodyGreen takes care of all the sale details for that course so you’ll have to contact them. Lots of love!

  10. Phyllis Wilson on May 13, 2016 at 4:54 pm

    Well I will embrace my anger and talk to myself about why I am angry. I already know though. I am angry because I do not get my needs met from the outside. So my question is how do I meet my own need to be loved.

    • Shelly Bullard on May 23, 2017 at 7:33 am

      Big question… this is what I teach deeply in my courses…. it’s an in-depth process rather than anything I could describe in just a few sentences. Feel free to check out my courses here:


  11. Zahra on September 28, 2016 at 9:34 pm

    Thank you

    • Shelly Bullard on May 23, 2017 at 7:31 am

      You’re welcome!

  12. Kristy on October 2, 2016 at 5:38 pm

    Hi Shelly,LOVE all your articles, they are changing my life! 😉 As i now have learned self love for myself, and growing everyday. So when i’m alone i’m happy. But when i’m with a “guy” ( particular my ex, who says he loves me and wants to be together ) and i begin to feel frustrated by his lack of expressing him self, showing his affection, just feeling loved by him the way i feel i would want from a partner. In these times, he’s always saying just be chill. I do know he has issues with his own self love. But Is this me having expectations? Or is there something that I’m lacking in myself? Or is this a simple sign that says he doesn’t perceive love the way i do?
    Thank You! Kristy

    • Shelly Bullard on May 23, 2017 at 7:31 am

      I’m so happy they’re changing your life! That’s beautiful to hear! Yes, it is you having expectations. Let him be who he is, love yourself deeply, and the whole scenario/relationship will play out as it should.

Before you dive any deeper...

Hi, I’m Shelly!

I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.

On any random Saturday, you could find me hiking in the Redwoods with my family during the day AND relaxing to all songs on 🎶the foggy jazz🎶 station on Spotify in the evening with my man…

I’ve helped 125,000+ expansive, beautiful humans manifest their desires through my YouTube channel.

Over the last decade, I transformed my love life… I went from feeling terrified that I may never find love or have a family of my own to manifesting marriage, my baby, our dream home, and so much more. Now, I want to help you do the same.

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