: 14 June 2014

4 Steps to Manifest Love

There’s a lot of talk about manifesting love these days – how to use your energy to create the life and relationship you want.

While you may or may not believe in using your internal process to transform your physical reality, I’ve personally experienced great success using this tool. In this article, I want to share with you the process I’ve used to manifest an incredible relationship, with the hope that you can manifest love, too!

Before we get started, the biggest thing to keep in mind when it comes to manifesting is this: You are in charge of your life.

You get to be, do and have anything you want. The trick is, you have to believe it can happen. When you do, the rest will fall into place.

In my course “Your Greatest Love,” I guide people through a detailed process of how to attract great love into their lives, but here are some good steps to get you started. Follow this path, keep your eye on the desired outcome, and the love you want can (and will) be drawn to you.

Step 1: Commit to the Goal

When you stay committed to a goal, you’re very likely to achieve it. Same goes for love; when you commit to finding an incredible relationship, it’s going to happen.

The problem is, most of us don’t want to commit to finding love for one reason: We don’t want to be let down.

We’re scared that if we don’t find an incredible relationship, then we’ll really be sad!! But not committing to love is the exact thing that is keeping it from happening.

Any achievement starts with a commitment. Right now, commit yourself to finding love, and you’re halfway there.

Step 2: What do you want in a partner?

To manifest what you want, you must first know what you want.

So, what qualities do you desire in a partner?

Someone who is kind, loving and adores you? Someone who wants to make a difference in the world? Someone who believes in you?

Great. Make a list of all the qualities you want, and then (this is the important part) feel who this person is.

When you can feel the person who has the qualities that you love (before he or she shows up), then you’re getting closer to him or her being here.

Step 3: Be the qualities that you’re seeking in someone else.

This step is crucial; we can only manifest qualities that we also possess. In fact, we manifest what we are.

If you want a loving partner, then you have to be a loving person in the world. If you want a partner who is driven, you have to have drive yourself!

Knowing this, look at your list from Step 2 and ask yourself, “Am I embodying these qualities, too?” If not, you have a little work to do.

Where people typically go wrong with this step is we want a person take care of us in a way that we aren’t taking care of ourselves. For example, you want someone who thinks your beautiful because you don’t believe you’re beautiful. Or you want someone who offers you security, because you don’t feel secure yourself. This will never work.

Instead of trying to fill what’s missing in your life with another person, be the things you desire more of. This will speed up the process of the right person making his or her way to you.

Step 4: Feel the love you want in a relationship, before the relationship exists.

This step is the most difficult for people — you have to feel the results before they arrive.

This simply means that you have to feel fabulous now, if you want to manifest a relationship that feels fabulous! You have to feel appreciated and cherished now, if you want to feel that way with a partner!

Where people go wrong with this step is they believe that a relationship will make them feel a certain way. Again, this is using a relationship to fill a hole within yourself. I believe this is the biggest reason there is so much dissatisfaction in relationships today; we unintentionally use other people to make ourselves feel whole.

And it never, ever works.

The biggest secret to creating a life you love is that it happens from the inside-out. When you find passion, drive, beauty, and magnificence within yourself, then the whole world starts to experience you that way, too. And this is how you manifest everything that you desire. You recognize that it starts within you.

Believe in yourself. Believe in love. Believe in having the relationship you want. When you know that you can be, do and have anything you desire, there’s no choice but for it to show up in front of you.

Please leave a comment below telling us the steps you’re going to take to manifest the love you want. We look forward to hearing from you.


  1. Gary on June 16, 2014 at 12:12 am

    Thank you beatiful

    • Shelly Bullard on June 16, 2014 at 3:22 pm

      You’re welcome!

  2. Kayla on June 16, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    Thanks, I feel like sometimes this is hard for us to remember. We create our own realities. It’s easy to get caught up in the ego. I recently just ended things in a past relationship because I was giving giving giving and not receiving. I tried communicating about the relationship seeming uneven. My partner responded with empty promises to do better. The relationship was draining and no longer serving a purpose, so I ended it. Hopefully, there are no hard feelings. I just said, “We hhad a nice run, but let’s just call it a game.” It’s not very painful because there was nothing but half-assed feelings involved. I am thankful for the relationship because it taught me a tiny bit more of what I do and do not want. Thanks for your constant optimism and encouraging words. Dating is tough in your late 20’s… here’s to putting the puzzle pieces together. P.S. What do you think about Tinder?

    • Shelly Bullard on June 16, 2014 at 8:29 pm

      I did Tinder for 1 minute – liked it! 🙂
      You need to learn to give to yourself. If you are over-giving in a relationship, you are under-giving to yourself. Remember that.

    • kate on June 17, 2014 at 7:25 pm

      This is interesting, I had a similar experience to Kayle, my partner considered himself to be very spiritually evolved and knowledgeable on manifestation techniques. He was constantly unhappy with me, and asked me to change, so I kept trying and trying, and I felt I was over giving, yet he said my attempts to change were empty promises and that he was the one over giving. In the end it was just a relationship not serving a purpose anymore. It has taken me a couple months just to recover from the mental confusion, especially since we were both “conscious” in the relationship. I’ll keep working at it. Thanks for your uplifting messages Shelly!

      • Shelly Bullard on June 17, 2014 at 9:22 pm

        Conscious people don’t demand other people change. That’s actually a big qualifier of consciousness. When you’re conscious, you recognize that you are creating your reality, and if you don’t like your life or relationship, then YOU have to change. Sounds like he wasn’t that conscious after all.

      • Ntombenhle on June 22, 2014 at 5:28 pm

        Thanks Shelly. I’m going to try these steps out. I’m already feeling good about the possibilities. You’re the best

        • Shelly Bullard on June 23, 2014 at 2:40 am

          You’re welcome!!

  3. Amanda on June 16, 2014 at 4:02 pm

    Thank you so much for this! I have a great friend who reminded me that I have control of my life and it helped me get out of a miserble place. I’m so happy now! Now i just need to apply this to my love life 🙂

    • Shelly Bullard on June 16, 2014 at 8:33 pm

      Yes! It works for all areas of life. 🙂

  4. Ibrahim on June 16, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    Thank you !I already do that 🙂

    • Shelly Bullard on June 16, 2014 at 8:28 pm


  5. Jimena on June 16, 2014 at 5:50 pm

    This is amazing! You are amazing! Thank you so much for sharing!

    • Shelly Bullard on June 16, 2014 at 8:23 pm

      You’re welcome!! xo

  6. LoveLife on June 16, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    Hi ShellyThanks for the wonderful article, i believe most if it can be applied to attract anything one wants, but if you happen to have similar article on health (customized/fine tuned for health), could you please post/send me. My challenge has been with my health. How to establish a vibrant and health relationship with my health 🙂

    • Shelly Bullard on June 17, 2014 at 1:05 am

      I don’t have an article about how to manifest health, but you’re right, the same principles apply. The most important thing is to feel your vibrant health – even just a little bit. Continue from there. xo

  7. Cristina on June 16, 2014 at 11:10 pm

    I feel like I constantly look for love and I am constantly let down. Men see me as a strong woman and they think I am fine with whatever. Then if you show your soft side…that’s it…I always end up being taken for granted. I know I need to set higher standards for myself, but how? It almost feels this is as good as it gets…I just ended another relationship…and it hurts even if it was for few months. I always believe the nice words men give you the first few weeks…and fall like an idiot…:-(

    • Shelly Bullard on June 17, 2014 at 1:03 am

      You have to stop “constantly looking for love” outside of yourself, and you will stop feeling let down. Love is not “out there” in them, it is in you. This is the lesson to learn.

      • Kerin on August 3, 2016 at 5:55 pm

        So true. I have two mottos for this year; “Sometimes I win, sometimes I learn” and the other is ‘everything I need I have within myself, given to me by the universe.’ My advice to Cristina is to stop falling for the words given to you by others and start falling for the words you give to yourself. Treat yourself kindly, love yourself and believe those words. That love will pour through you and attract exactly the right person at exactly the right time. I don’t know you, but you are Powerful, Playful, Sensual, Attractive and Love – don’t ever forget it 🙂 P.S. You are NOT an idiot 😉

        • Kerin on August 3, 2016 at 5:56 pm

          P.P.S. Thank you Shelly for always giving great articles!! <3

  8. Lei on June 17, 2014 at 12:11 am

    I love how you broke it down so I could understand. The law of attraction is catching on to more people as we awaken our consciousness to higher levels. Itia wonderful to see people truly having blissful lives by loving themselves so they can love others genuinely. Thank you for another great article.

    • Shelly Bullard on June 21, 2014 at 11:01 pm

      You’re welcome, Lei. Thank you for your comment. 🙂

  9. Stavi on June 21, 2014 at 8:21 am

    Shelly, love your articles and it feels like the right advice at the right time. Started on the 4 steps and once I wrote the ideal partner qualities, realised that I can leave behind past situations that are not want I really want in my life and look forward to finding an incredible relationship. My friends always teased me for attracting wrong people in my life and I can see now that I have to learn to love myself more and change myself in order to find happiness. Many Thanks for sharing!

    • Shelly Bullard on June 21, 2014 at 10:42 pm

      Yes! Great Stavi! I’m excited for you! xo

  10. Alyssa on June 23, 2014 at 11:57 am

    Hi Shelly, thank you…such a big thank you. Articles like this are instant prescriptions for a swift dose of hope! Always a blessing. Perhaps your insight could help with the following: For those in troubled relationships that they keep working at to fix….what does it mean if they feel relief when on their own? Is it just actual relief from the emotional stress so you can recharge and keep working at the relationship or is it a sign it’s time to move on no matter how initially painful? How does this fit into your advice above? Thanks again and awaiting your response in hope

    • Shelly Bullard on June 23, 2014 at 1:42 pm

      Hi Alyssa, I would have to know more about your particular situation. It sounds like the relationship is quite stressful for you if you feel best when you are on your own. You need to look at: Why do I feel so stressed in this relationship? What isn’t working for me? Then, you have to change yourself. That could mean a lot of different things, again, depending on the situation. If you’d like to have a one-on-one session with me to gain clarity about it, let me know and we can schedule it. xo

  11. Neil McIntyre on December 30, 2015 at 12:15 am

    Thanks for your wisdom Shelly.However I have also to believe that your message
    extends to re-kindling old flames.

  12. Julie on January 26, 2016 at 4:55 am

    All of what you share is so true. It’s just so difficult to find a partner that believes in this too.

  13. Kim on February 25, 2016 at 3:23 am

    Hi Shelly,
    Thank you so much for sharing your deep wisdom and insight on manifesting romantic love as well as cultivating self love. You truly embody and radiate love and beautiful light 🙂 I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind sharing your zodiac signs with me? (Western and Chinese signs) I am very knowledgable and passionate about the Chinese sign and love compatibility… and would love to do a “reading” on you personally, and give you a bit more insight into your Soul’s urge and romantic compatibilities.

    Thank you for being a beautiful source of inspiration for so many,
    Kim 🙂

    • Shelly Bullard on February 25, 2016 at 9:13 am

      Hi Kim!!
      I’m a Virgo Sun, Aries Rising, Aquarius moon. Venus, Mercury, Saturn, true node all in Virgo, 6th house, too. Chinese sign = goat/sheep (1979). Excited for your insights!! xoxox

  14. Christine on March 5, 2016 at 10:01 pm

    Hi Shelly,I loved your article. It was very insightful. Definitely what I think has limited me from finding love. Looking forward to applying your steps. Thanks again:)

    • Shelly Bullard on March 6, 2016 at 1:19 am

      You’re welcome, Christine. <3

  15. Valerie on March 27, 2016 at 12:40 am

    Hi Shelly,Your article was beautifully written and from a place of love and passion to help others! I’m a single mom and have made monumental shifts in my perception of love. Some days Id like very much to share my life with a caring man but other times I think my life doesn’t allow this to happen because I’m so busy. Working two jobs, creating a business and more importantly being there for my child. So… I try to stop and see the joy in all of my relationships to others!

  16. Blanca Lopez on June 2, 2016 at 6:52 am

    Hi Shelly,I love your ideas! I’ve been starting to apply your principles into my
    daily life and even made a list about the qualities I want to attract
    in a man! My question is what do you think about opposites attracting?
    I’ve heard of many great couples with opposite and complementary traits.
    I ask because it seems that the philosophy behind your principles is
    about attracting similarities since we are manifesting who we are inside 🙂

    Thanks so much for what you do!


  17. Rain on January 4, 2017 at 7:34 am

    Hi ShellyI wrote a list of what I want in a partner 4/5 years ago and I managed to attract that man into my life. He fits everything that I said I wanted (except 1 factor: height, which I figure isn’t important so I overlooked it). We were together for 2 years and the relationship was perfect. We recently broke up (well I walked away) because he told me he’s in love with his ex and doesn’t know who to choose as a primary and life partner between me and her. He had chosen to ve with me as a primary pattner because i fit everything he wanted as well, but she recently came back into his life and he says shes changed and can now work as a primary as well.I’m heart broken, where did I go wrong?

    • Shelly Bullard on January 11, 2017 at 1:49 am

      You didn’t go wrong – it’s just that partners aren’t here to make/keep everything perfect. They’re here to wake us up. So the experience is giving you an opportunity to explore where you still feel resistance, doubt and fear about love, connection, partnership, etc. Sending love.

  18. me on January 7, 2017 at 2:51 am

    I am curious to see where my ego plays in. I give but I don’t ask which is why I feel disappointed. Is that ego?

  19. Kristine Horton on September 26, 2017 at 12:13 am

    I haven’t thought of attracting a relationship like this before. I have a ton of work to do on myself since that is the case because I don’t love myself nearly enough nor do I treat myself as good as I ought to.Looking back I find myself looking outside of me to be happy in my life. I am also looking for someone to make me happy. I have work to do.
    I am not as conscious of the myself as I need to be. Because I didn’t really think about the fact that I’m creating my own reality from the inside out but now that it’s been brought to my attention that I am creating my own reality it makes perfect sense. I want to make a better reality for myself. Your article is an ah-ha moment for me…….Thank you!

Before you dive any deeper...

Hi, I’m Shelly!

I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.

On any random Saturday, you could find me hiking in the Redwoods with my family during the day AND relaxing to all songs on 🎶the foggy jazz🎶 station on Spotify in the evening with my man…

I’ve helped 125,000+ expansive, beautiful humans manifest their desires through my YouTube channel.

Over the last decade, I transformed my love life… I went from feeling terrified that I may never find love or have a family of my own to manifesting marriage, my baby, our dream home, and so much more. Now, I want to help you do the same.

Hey love! Let’s manifest love, relationships & wealth together.

You with me?

Tired of the same old inbox experience? Think of me as your manifestation big sister, here to guide and inspire you in relentlessly claiming your beautiful desires. I’m here to deliver a blend of affirmations, meditations, visualizations, real-life love stories and practical manifestation tools right into your inbox.






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