: 28 April 2014

5 Easy Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence Today

Do you care too much about what other people think?

Are you done with trying to prove yourself in relationships?

I hope so. Because it’s not doing you (or your relationships) any good.

In this article, I talk about why we feel the need to prove ourselves to other people, and how to kick this pattern to the curb.

Plain and simple, we try to prove ourselves to others when we don’t feel good enough as we are.

Trying to prove yourself is like saying, “If you like me, then I’ll like me.” This never goes well.

Of course we care about what other people think — we want to be liked, and that’s normal! But the irony is this: People who aren’t overly focused on what other people think tend to be very likable! Let me show you what I’m talking about:

Think about a person you admire; someone who is confident, kind, strong, and not consumed with outside opinions. Now ask yourself: Do I find this person attractive in some way?

I imagine you do. Because people who aren’t consumed with what others think are highly attractive to us.

Self-confidence is a natural result of being you, regardless of outside opinions. This type of confidence exudes strength. And you can have it, too.

Here are 5 simple ways to focus on yourself in a positive way, letting go of what other people think and making yourself highly attractive as a result:

1) Make a list of what you appreciate about yourself.

You are a great person. You have unique qualities that are all your own. There isn’t anyone on the planet who is exactly like you. Let’s celebrate that!

Ask yourself: Who am I? What’s great about me? How am I unique? Write your answers down on paper.

Then, appreciate yourself! The more you do this, the better you’ll feel.

2) Make a list of who you want to become.

We are all simultaneously being and becoming. So… who are you evolving into? 

Ask yourself: Who do you want to become? and write your goals down on paper.

As you think about your desires and hopes for the future, you’re honoring your dreams. This makes you excited for what’s to come, and strengthens your belief in yourself.

3) Spend quality time with you (at least 30 minutes daily).

Quality time is important in all relationships — including the relationship you have with yourself.

There are many things you can do during quality time with you — reading, running, hiking, meditating, listening to music, thinking, journaling, making art, cooking — the possibilities are endless.

Just do something that you like to do and enjoy your own company! Really, it’s as simple as that.

4) Get to know your fears.

Nothing boosts confidence quite like making it through challenges. By facing your fears, you get to prove what you’re made of.

Ask yourself: What am I scared of? and then… challenge it.

Look your fears in the eye and show ’em whose boss. It’s the only way you’re going to move passed them into a better way of life.

5) Do something nice for yourself today.

This is your life. It’s going to be as good as you make it. Take charge of your well-being by doing nice things for yourself every, single day.

A “nice thing” could be anything that makes you happy — write yourself a love note, take a walk in a park, pat yourself on the back, smile at yourself in the mirror. Treat yourself with supreme kindness and respect. Your inner confidence will soar as a result.

The more you love and accept yourself, the less you’ll focus on what other people think. And, ironically, the less you focus on what other people think, the more attractive you become.

Practice these techniques; get to know who you really are. Your confidence will skyrocket as a result, and your relationships will flourish, too.

Please leave a comment below telling us one thing you’re going to do to boost your self-confidence today. I look forward to hearing from you!


  1. Al on April 28, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    Shelly…….thank you so much for all of your wonderful posts which I always look forward to reading. This one came in a timely manner as I decided this past weekend to give internet dating another try. Soon after I posted my profile I was overwhelmed with all kinds of insecure thoughts……..the “not enough” thoughts. The first two suggestions will definitely help change the view I have of myself. Again….thank you!

    • Shelly Bullard on April 28, 2014 at 6:19 pm


  2. jenifer on April 28, 2014 at 7:29 pm

    Thanks!!! I will focus in love myself more, i know it is the way

    • Shelly Bullard on April 29, 2014 at 2:37 am


  3. Queenie on April 28, 2014 at 10:23 pm

    Thank you for this wonderful article, Shelly! This is exactly how I was feeling today. The thing is, today is my 20th birthday. And two men who mean so much to me -the man I like and a dear close friend – did not wish me. And I was so upset! I am using Faster EFT to shift my perspective and together with your article, I feel a whole lot better! I realised the reason I was feeling down was because I felt unloved and undeserving of love, just because I had held a belief that since I am now grown up, I should be showered with love especially by the man I love, and not just by friends and family. But now I realise I am deserving of self-love, because God loves me no matter what ,and my birthday itself is a blessing from the Almighty! 🙂 I feel so happy now after the shift in perspective.
    Much love <3 🙂

    • Shelly Bullard on April 29, 2014 at 2:36 am

      Yes – I think both things are true – you should be wishing yourself a Happy Birthday, and then men who are important in your life should be wishing you a Happy Birthday, too. xo

  4. Sandy Smith on April 28, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    Hi,Thanks for the easy read. They are all things that I have considered and used at times to really appreciate myself. The little things you listed to do are all things I do now and then for some time to myself and to just do something I enjoy. Today I took a short walk with my camera and shot some photos of trees and flowers that are blossoming this Spring. I enjoy taking photos and it was a chance to appreciate Nature as well. I often tell myself of my good qualities and set goals for what I want to do.
    I really enjoyed receiving your email.

    • Shelly Bullard on April 29, 2014 at 2:25 am

      Love that!! I’m a big fan of spending that type of quality time with myself, too. Thank you for your comment, Sandy.

  5. Ignacia on April 29, 2014 at 2:14 am

    Dear Shelly,
    I am just reading your advice and exactly you are right ,, I dont have to blame other people not to make me happy instead I blame my self why I am waiting to someone makes me happy?. Now its time to change I love me before I love Him and its time doing good things for myself first. As I did for long years I always considered others than me, I am not happy because they cant gave me in return as what I’ved expect and its not good if you expect something from the one you love.

    Thank you Shelly, its time to change no matter what I will do for myself first.

    • Shelly Bullard on April 29, 2014 at 2:23 am

      Yes!! Great Ignacia! It’s true – other people will only treat you as well as you treat yourself. Good luck with the changes. xo

  6. Sarah on April 29, 2014 at 3:23 am

    Currently in a relationship with a very strong supportive man who cares about me deeply. I logically see this but having a challenge accepting the reality of it because it feels so different than what Im used to, part of me is in disbelief.After all that ive been through and all the loss ive experienced in my life, is it possible that I actually deserve and should accept this loving supportive relationship into my life?
    The ultimate challenge of confidence. Believing you really are worth all of your dreams coming to fruition, relationship being one of the big ones.

  7. John on April 29, 2014 at 6:11 am

    Single at present, as I have been since Dec 2010…but have a few lovely women in my sights… in the last few days, serendipitously [to your wise letter about making oneself more attractive] I had a flashback to my adolescent years, when I saw that I had been extremely needing of acceptance, from friends, strangers, anybody – to the point that a significant woman friend [older] said that she felt she could not trust my feelings/emotions, because I just gave everybody a [needy] smile – she preferred people who were more ‘self contained’ and more discerning about how they dished out their goodwill/favours – that was very many years ago, but old habits die hard & slowly – I know I have moved on a lot, and have much more self insight now, and luckily a much better feeling about myself [I am 2/3rds of the way through an online workshop, with Deepak Chopra & Oprah Winfrey – called ‘Finding your Flow’, and it focusses on our 7 chakras, and how to totally accept yourself for the unique being you are, and how to open up those 7 chakras through meditation : Finding Security, Happiness, Power, Love, Expression, Wisdom, Consciousness…] – so for your ‘workshop’, maybe I will focus on ‘liking myself for my unique blend of humour, intelligence, mischievousness, kindness and intuition…’Thanks for your very enjoyable posts 🙂

    • Shelly Bullard on April 29, 2014 at 2:40 pm

      Love this, John! Thank you for your comment!

  8. Eveline Kopachkov on April 29, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    Dear Beautiful Shelley, I must say it’s so refreshing to see another woman who is recognizing herself! Women have been trying to please, looking outside of themselves for fulfillment far too long! I too have been blossoming, more vibrant and enjoying more than ever before. I am presently writing a trilogy of books based on my own – let’s say – “intense” relationship to help other women. The first of the three books is going to be published soon by Hay House. It has been a pleasure to read your articles and it would be great if we could meet over a coffee! EvelineAlso, I welcome your feedback on my website! 🙂
    [email protected]

    • Shelly Bullard on April 29, 2014 at 6:32 pm

      Awesome Eveline! I will definitely check out your website and congrats on the book publishing with Hay House. Incredible work. Yes, let’s keep coffee in mind. Not sure where you’re located but I’m living in San Francisco, moving to New York tomorrow. 🙂 xo

  9. Stephanie Gulu on April 29, 2014 at 7:20 pm

    Today to boost myself confidence, which I have been working on for months!, I will trust myself, by asking myself ” is this ok for you today, is this what you want”. I will listen to my higher self, and accept the answer! ! I’m excited to add in something new, that can become a practice, and then a good habit , thanks for the challenge

    • Shelly Bullard on April 29, 2014 at 8:10 pm

      Awesome, Stephanie.

  10. Tucano Man on May 13, 2014 at 6:45 pm

    Dear Shelly, I had to put a john anyone name I what to keep my confidence, latter I will contact with you If that’s ok for You; what I want to say is that looking for advice on the web I only find MY issues regarding woman… but let me tell U that I do have had and have the same issues like the ones you are talking about; I know man who want to keep formal relation face similar problems like me, I do feel pretty much masculine and mature, but still experience the same issues like apparently mainly woman have?, I over expose myself not only to my wife (extremely) but also to my kids and brothers with disastrous results, and I had force to keep the relation more like a dependent of their appreciation than being an realized person, so with a lot frustrations and losing confidence, peace, fulfillment, realization; I do love her but after many years of marriage we don’t go anywhere, she definitely don’t care to adapt her conduct to a equal and better relationship and now express to let me go to have my live (like a matter of changing a shirt) and now act like a great mother rather than a wife! Now I realize that what was lack on herself was to be sincere on her expectation of life rather than been promising everything and then giving a Millard of arguments for whatever, I went dawn and up many times for my frustrations and lack of motivation at home …I don’t see I can keep more, I feel like a person with Stockholm syndrome and not being capable of looking forward or afraid of make the same decision mistake to go out and find a right partner! Hope we can chat same time, I do what to change because getting older (53) with the same situation with a person that even I appreciate and love… becomes scary since it is her way of life NOT MY!….I need a change in relation and do not know how! In my experience is like having the role changed (not sexually that is cero today) but in the day to day issues I am the one who looks for romantic, for a neat place to live, for a cozy and relaxed home, for being reliable and monogamous lover, for having everything on place, on time, on the right course and She is the hard disinterested partner, messy with her things like college boys, not interested on her looks or how to dress and so on , she does keep herself like a mom in which she is great for cooking, caring and trusted and reliable…..BUT I NEEED A REAL WOMEN, delicate, romantic, in love of her man, caring for her relation, demanding me for being her man NOT her SON!…please help I don’t know how to stop this.. Since she is my good friend, trusted “mother” and cheerful companion…. When she doesn’t change my surrounding which drive nuts. I had a divorce before and cope with the issues as a single parent with 2 kids that she finally raised, I that situation kept me without not even trying to go for that experience again…HELP!

  11. srikanth on May 14, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    Thanks for the wonderful article.May be Yoga & Meditation can help too.

    • Shelly Bullard on May 14, 2014 at 4:02 pm

      Yes – those are great ways to boost self-confidence. Anything that connects you to your true self will help you feel really great about yourself.

  12. Britney on October 3, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    Hi Shelly i love reading your articles they really help me get through this tough stage that I’m going through right now. One of the reason why I can believe everything your saying about “LOVE” n CONFIDENCE is because i know what that feels like. I have to say i truly lost myself along the way do to second thoughts about how the crush of my life feels about me. I am 23 years of age. Thats too young to feel so low when it comes to self esteem but im confident that I will come out of this stage. I didnt use to be this way I never cared about what anyone had to say about me before….Today I’m going to treat myself to the nail shop then its the mall for something for tonight im planning on bringing sexy back its time i let my inner self shine..You motivate me soo MUCH SHELLY! Thank you

    • Shelly Bullard on October 4, 2014 at 10:54 am

      I’m glad you’re feeling motivated and ready to love yourself the way you want to be loved! xo

Before you dive any deeper...

Hi, I’m Shelly!

I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.

On any random Saturday, you could find me hiking in the Redwoods with my family during the day AND relaxing to all songs on 🎶the foggy jazz🎶 station on Spotify in the evening with my man…

I’ve helped 125,000+ expansive, beautiful humans manifest their desires through my YouTube channel.

Over the last decade, I transformed my love life… I went from feeling terrified that I may never find love or have a family of my own to manifesting marriage, my baby, our dream home, and so much more. Now, I want to help you do the same.

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