: 04 June 2014

6 Ways to Increase Your Natural Attraction

Want to know the biggest secret about your natural attractive energy? It’s determined by you. What I mean is, when you find yourself attractive, luscious, gorgeous, and appealing… then other people will see you in those ways, too.

But when you don’t feel sexy, well… I hate to say it… then others won’t see you that way, either. Let me explain why…

One of the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to feeling attractive is we expect another person to make us feel how we don’t feel on our own.

For example, you want a man to make you feel beautiful (because you don’t feel beautiful), or you want a woman to make you feel hot (because you don’t feel hot). But looking for validation from the outside-in is the exact wrong way to go about getting the love and attention you really want! 

In fact, as I reveal in my course “Become Magnetic,” seeking validation because we don’t feel good about ourselves fuels our insecurities and causes people back away from us even more!

Not. Fun.

The truth is until you feel sexy, attractive, and appealing as you are, then it’s impossible for another person to make you feel this way in a relationship.

That’s just how it works.

While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be desired by another person, it’s important to understand that how others experience you is 100% related to how you experience yourself.

With that, here are 6 simple ways for you to connect to your sensual, sexy self. By enhancing the way you feel about yourself, not only will you feel incredibly beautiful and comfortable being you, but you’ll also become completely irresistible to the people around you, too.

1) Get dressed up (for yourself, darling)

Let’s be honest, many of us dress up for other people. We want to make an impression! But I encourage you to start going about this a completely different way – get dressed up solely for yourself.

Wear something that makes you feel fabulous, and do it often!

Feel good in your clothes, your style, and your body. This is the secret to really looking good to others.

2) Eat a decadent meal (and slowly enjoy it)

Food is a sensual experience – it is meant to be enjoyed. By taking in the smells, flavors, colors and textures of your food, the experience can become erotic.

Be present to the experience of eating; a good meal awakens your senses to the fullness of life. And this makes life feel incredibly sexy to you.

3) Go on a stroll (just because)

Take a walk, not to get somewhere, but to feel the movement of your body. 

There is a natural grace and sensuality that exists when we become aware of what it feels like to be in a body. Through enjoyable movement, you will feel this grace moving through you. And this is highly attractive to others.

4) Create a mood (for yourself)

Many of us believe that the purpose of a mood is to share it with another person. Of course this is really nice, but have you ever created a mood just for you? It can be just as enjoyable and sensual, if not more so!

Do whatever feels romantic or relaxing, just for you. Light candles, put on soft music, take a bath, or slowly eat a bowl of ice cream. Allow yourself to be turned on by you! Doing so turns you on to life, which is automatically attractive to everyone around you.

5) Dance with yourself

Dancing with yourself helps you feel more comfortable in your body. Not to mention… it’s so fun!

When nobody’s watching you can move the way you want to move without feeling self-conscious. It’s incredibly freeing, and it’s great way to be more comfortable in your own skin and rhythms.

Turn up the heat by doing a strip tease for the fun of it! Now we’re talkin’ hot!

6) Love on your body

Your body is unique to you, and it’s a beautiful thing. It’s only one you’ve got! You have to love your body if you want others to love it, too.

So how do you do this? You start by showering yourself – your skin, your arms, your legs, your shoulders, any part – with love, kindness, acceptance and affection.

I promise you, the more you love your body, the more your be able to accept the love and affection from others, too.

I want you to remember that you’re a sensual, sexy being. By connecting to this energy within yourself, you will feel it reflected back to you. So go out there and make it happen – I dare you to heat things up a notch.

Please leave a comment below telling us one way you’re going to connect with your sexy, sensual self this week. I look forward to hearing from you!


  1. Eveline Kopachkov on June 5, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    I go out there smiling big no matter what’s going on just because I’m me, amazing!

    • Shelly Bullard on June 5, 2014 at 6:48 pm


  2. Amanda on June 5, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    Great article Shelly! Every female should read this! I have suffered from low self-esteem for most of my life but I am gradually learning to love myself and quite often now I give myself a big smile in the mirror of a morning and you know, when I smile my face lights up and it’s beautiful!!

    • Shelly Bullard on June 5, 2014 at 2:18 pm

      Yes! Beautiful, Amanda! Thank you for sharing.

  3. Eve on June 5, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    This is great advice..That i’ve found to be true..When i’m wearing certain clothes i loveAnd feel pretty and confident..Everything works well for me that day!

    • Shelly Bullard on June 5, 2014 at 3:29 pm


  4. ingrid on June 5, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    Love this, Shelly!

    • Shelly Bullard on June 5, 2014 at 3:29 pm

      Thank you!

  5. Maya on June 5, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    Thanks for these articles, Shelly! It never ceases to amaze me how the most difficult concepts to grasp for women have such simple truths behind them. Thanks for saying the things you do with such simplicity and conviction. Makes me smile each time. 🙂

    • Shelly Bullard on June 5, 2014 at 6:47 pm

      I’m so glad the message resonates for you Maya. It always comes back to self-love, we just have remind ourselves over and over again. xo

  6. Kelly on June 5, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    A yoga teacher once suggested we touch ourselves with love. Touching is great for self-esteem and we can do it ourselves. Touch your body, bit by bit, literally everywhere, loving each part of your gorgeous body. <3
    And smile… smile even if you don't feel like it. After sometime, smile wins and you change your mood for a more joyful one. My 2c 🙂

    • Shelly Bullard on June 5, 2014 at 6:46 pm

      Yes, I agree. I touch my skin often, and admire it’s softness. It may sound weird, but when I met a man who touched my skin with the same admiration and love, I knew I had manifested him from the inside-out. 🙂 Thanks for sharing.

  7. Stella on June 5, 2014 at 6:30 pm

    Great article! I would like to share with you sometime a friend (a man) told me long ago and which I find absolutely amazing:” women spend so much time trying to hide their imperfections …but they don’t know that each “imperfection” is exactly what makes them sexy and unique ! ” a hint from my side : sensuality comes from inside , it is really how you feel in the moment when you explore your senses..the scent of a flower, a real smile coming from inner joy and taste for life , a moment only for you to celebrate life ..if you make each moment you leave a unique experience of your senses, there is no sex-symbol that can compete !

    • Shelly Bullard on June 5, 2014 at 6:44 pm

      Love this! Thank you for sharing, Stella.

  8. Sensiouxal on June 5, 2014 at 9:03 pm

    I used to be embarrassed at how sexy I was, so I would cover up my body and try to hide it. One of the things that helps me now, is that I look at myself as a third person, as a little sister or friend and I give myself a pep talk, because that is what all of my friends come to me for anyway. I pep myself up and make myself laugh and I love it. When you honor your sensiouxality, you are giving thanks to the Universe.

    • Shelly Bullard on June 5, 2014 at 10:50 pm

      Pep it up, girl!! 😉

  9. phyllis on June 5, 2014 at 10:40 pm

    I love to get dressed up & fix my hair (messy is fun) wear lipstick and act silly! Life is too short so spread the Love♡

    • Shelly Bullard on June 5, 2014 at 10:50 pm


  10. Misty-Blu on June 8, 2014 at 10:22 pm

    Hi Shelly
    I attracted someone recently. The only problem is I’m in the midist of breaking point. I just properly started Cognitive Behavior Therapy last Tuesday gone.

    I suffed abuse in my childhood from as young as 3-4. It was consistent and on going. I feel that I only collected messages of devaluation- I have charaterlogical low self esteem which is still affecting me age 28. So yeah, I guess you could say I’m in the middle of an identity crisis and have no idea how long it’s going to last.

    I broke down in tears the other day in front of the person I attracted. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Being around him highlighted all my insecurities and actived all my repressed traumas.

    I guess it’s just going to take time before I can be around anyone but now is far from the time to meet anyone; I’m simply co-exsisting at a real low point in my life.

    • Shelly Bullard on June 9, 2014 at 5:40 am

      Keep doing your work in therapy, heal by finding a love within yourself. You will make it through.

  11. Parth Patel on June 9, 2014 at 4:56 am

    Very Nice Message like attract Soulmate , surely practice daily above affirmative message in my relationship. Thank you Shelly Bullard, Blessings with Unconditional Love !!!

  12. Dae on March 6, 2016 at 2:02 am

    I finally have gotten to the point that its okay to go out and eat alone and i love it i get dressed and i go out i stopped letting circumstances stop me from enjoying life.

    • Shelly Bullard on March 16, 2016 at 12:32 am


  13. Keri on September 10, 2016 at 6:42 am

    Most men are attracted to me physically. Frankly they make me sick. I used to care what they thought, but I can see now everything is about looks for them. A turn off.

  14. Omofuan on October 18, 2016 at 5:38 pm

    Very nice & educative message. I always like to dress feeling good with myself by at the same time to please my partner…who does not even notice me at time…now I need to love myself more.

  15. Mohammed Mikdar on November 12, 2016 at 9:43 pm

    Thanks for the advice and will all always appreciate my body and show myself to the world my true identity.

  16. Katharina on January 7, 2017 at 8:27 pm

    I haven’t read the 6 ways yet, but I just wanted to share how much I loved when you shared, “While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be desired by another person – in fact, it’s completely normal and beautiful to feel this way…”
    Thank you for that. <3

  17. Lou on January 8, 2017 at 1:25 pm

    It’s easy when everything’s going so nice for you.

  18. Nathan on February 16, 2017 at 4:09 am

    I’m actually going through this process right now and beginning to feel the desired effect on my body. Every day I gain more confidence and self esteem. I didn’t realize until now that I was neglecting myself sooo much. Thanks

    • Shelly Bullard on May 23, 2017 at 6:00 am

      Beautiful Nathan! Keep it up!

Before you dive any deeper...

Hi, I’m Shelly!

I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.

On any random Saturday, you could find me hiking in the Redwoods with my family during the day AND relaxing to all songs on 🎶the foggy jazz🎶 station on Spotify in the evening with my man…

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