: 07 July 2014

8 Myths About Dating That Are Keeping You Single

Dating is an adventure. And adventures can be fun… or they can be disastrous.

I want your dating adventure to be fun, which is why I wrote this article for you.

Below are eight surprising myths about dating that are important for you to know. Learning these myths will help you have a lot more fun and success while you’re out there on the market, looking for the right love.

Myth #1: You’ll know at first sight.

Sometimes we can be quick to judge; we’ll make our minds up about someone before we properly get to know them.

We’re all guilty of this; we do it all the time. In dating, this sets us up for disaster. Because being quick to judge ensures that no one will ever measure up. And this will keep you in a constant state of disappointment.

Remember that it takes time to get to know someone, so let that happen. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the experience before you decide how you feel. You might be surprised at what you find.

Myth #2: You won’t know at first sight.

I know this myth contradicts the first; that’s because keeping an open-mind is important, but it’s also very important to listen to your hunches.

Our intuition can give us information that our rational minds may not understand. This means, you may find yourself on a date with someone who you didn’t think was your type, but you find yourself very attracted to him or her. Listen to that.

Similarly, you may be on a date with someone who you thought you’d be attracted to, but you’re not feeling it. Listen to that.

Your intuition may not seem logical at the time, but chances are, it’s guiding you in the right direction. It’s always a good idea to listen to what it has to say.

Myth #3: In today’s world, you have to online date.

Guess what? You don’t!

In fact, unless online dating is fun and exciting for you, you shouldn’t be doing it. Here’s why:

The path of finding love is supposed to be fun; it’s not supposed to feel like an obligation, a chore, or a sentence. If online dating makes you cringe, trust that it’s not the correct route for you to find love.

Remember that people are everywhere, which means potential partners are everywhere, too. At the grocery store, walking their dogs, at the beach, etc.

You can meet people in random places if you’re open to it. Every time you leave your house, say to yourself, “I wonder who I’ll meet today?…” This sets you on the right path for connections in a variety of places.

Myth #4: You should treat dating like a business.

Unless your business is exciting, fun, and awesome (which it might be), please don’t treat dating like a business.

Dating should not feel like a grind. Does this means you shouldn’t set goals for your dating life? No, you should definitely have those. But keep them light and open, which will keep your spirits up.

We meet the right people when we feel great inside. Make sure you’re having fun in the process of dating, and you’re absolutely on the right track.

Myth #5: Dating is 100% about getting to know another person.

Yes, dating is about getting to know other people, but it’s also about getting to know yourself.

Dating can be a vulnerable experience for many of us. We’re putting ourselves out there, trying to make an impression, hoping to be liked! All of your quirks and fears come to the surface, which is painful at times, but also helps you get to know yourself better.

When fears come up, ask yourself questions like: What am I scared about? What insecurities am I feeling? How can I try to be more of the real me?

Rather than let these challenges drag you down and cause you to “hate dating,” let them be opportunities for you to stretch and grow into a new level of confidence.

Myth #6: Rebounds are always bad.

Not always, but you have to be cautious.

You will attract the right people when you feel good about who you are. Sometimes when relationships end, we feel really good! And this is a great place to attract from.

But sometimes when relationships end, we feel bad. In this case, dating could be a defense against difficult feelings. This is when you should steer-clear of a rebound because you’re attracting someone as a distraction, rather than as a match for who you are.

Make sure you properly grieve the loss of your last relationship and regain your strength before you put yourself back on the market. When you take time to heal, you’ll be primed for a new relationship when the time is right.

Myth #7: Dating is a numbers game.

Quality trumps quantity. This holds true for dating, as well.

If you’re filling up your schedule with dates, it scatters your energy and doesn’t feel good to the people you’re sharing your time with. This mentality does not help you make genuine connections or find someone you love.

Because of this, I recommend dating with a mentality of quality. Make every person you choose to go out with important. This will increase your likelihood of being present on a date, and give you an opportunity to make a lasting connection.

Myth #8: The right person make you feel complete.

People do not complete us. Romantic partners definitely don’t complete us.

If you’re seeking a relationship from the space of “I’m looking for fulfillment,” it’s a good idea to spend some time alone and find fulfillment within yourself, first. Approaching a relationship from the stance of “What am I going to get?” is always a bad idea.

When you’re fulfilled in your own life, a fantastic relationship will be an incredible bonus. This is the secret to being fulfilled by love.

The bottom line about dating is this: have a good time, stay open to the possibilities, be you, and believe that your match is looking for you, too. Doing so will ensure a fun, exciting, successful dating adventure for you.

Please leave a comment below telling us what you enjoy about dating, and the successes you’ve had in the process.


  1. Svetlana on July 9, 2014 at 12:06 am

    What a great article, Shelly! I love your articles, videos and your whole approach to dating and love. Always find inspiration and great wisdom in them!

    • Shelly Bullard on July 9, 2014 at 2:48 pm

      Thank you, Svetiana! xo

  2. christina on July 9, 2014 at 6:54 am

    I would like to ask, which is the proper way to explain, when been asked from the person you dated, why you don’t want to go out for a second date. And especially, when that person is enduring with a mental illness.

    • Shelly Bullard on July 9, 2014 at 2:49 pm

      I would say that while you appreciate that person as a person, it does not feel like a romantic match. Honesty without hurting another person’s feelings in best.

  3. Laurie on July 9, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    Perfect advice JUST at the perfect time. I needed this today!!!!

    • Shelly Bullard on July 9, 2014 at 2:47 pm

      I’m so glad, Laurie!

    • Carey on July 10, 2014 at 10:25 am

      Hi Shelly, I enjoyed this article as it did come at the right moment. I recently joined a dating website and have been talking to this one guy but have not met him yet because he keeps cancelling on me saying he is busy with work. If he cancels again do I let him know how I feel and how many more chances do I give him? We talk forever on the phone and get along great but sense something but not sure what it is.

      • Shelly Bullard on July 10, 2014 at 1:20 pm

        I love this quote: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” If you don’t want to date a person who cancels on you all the time, then this guy already had his chance with you. He’s showing you that he doesn’t follow through, and that work takes up a lot of his social time. I would walk away now, politely saying, “I want to be with someone who shows up when they say they will. It was nice to meet you.” Women make a big mistake by waiting around for “change” – but he’s showing you who he is now. I’m not judging this guy in anyway – he gets to be who he is. Just don’t make the mistake of getting in further with him – it’ll will be harder to walk away once you do.

  4. gretchen on July 9, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    I think the emphasis on not seeking fulfillment outside yourself can go a bit far for some. You should pursue the life you love to take care and nourish yourself. Feel as content as you should be as an individual. But there is a reason why we are all so different. Like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, another person can balance us and fill in the cracks in our life completing us in a more rounded way… make us stronger in the joining. Not all, but Many may feel their life is complete and fulfilled without having someone when in actual fact their efforts may be a self imposed filler that assuages them into thinking tbey dont need anybody period.
    We ALL need someone. It makes us human. We are pack animals by nature. And we should not feel pressured to pursue these lives where we are so busy being “fulfilled” we are missing one on lifes great joys…finding a piece to our puzzle.
    The key is to like ourselves, love ourselves and take care of ourselves physically, emothionally and spiritually…but as a piece that fits into the whole puzzle picture.. And that means fitting with another piece. Even end pieces still have one side that needs to fit into the puzzle. So be the best puzzle piece you can with defined boundaries and brilliant colors..without jagged edges so fitting into the big picture is easy and effortless…. and a pleasure to that one special piece needs you to fit into them just as much. Just a thought

    • Shelly Bullard on July 9, 2014 at 5:46 pm

      I see what you are saying. Of course, it is incredibly fulfilling to find a partner who fits really well. And we have to be very careful – the moment we start demanding another person to fill in the holes is the moment we have lost the brilliance of the relationship.

      • gretchen on July 9, 2014 at 11:56 pm

        We dont demand that they fill holes. They just do. Or they give you the strength and love for you to do it yourself. I have seen many women who have gained strength from the good men in their lives. I feel we have to be realistic about our limits as human beings. If we are so capable of “filling in the holes” ourselves we wouldnt need people. Relationships can make us grow, round us out. We should not be emphasizing the need for self fullfillment as being a solo job. That only results in wall crushing dead ends filled with self blame at not being able to be awesome without a human connection with others. We think we are weak because we cant do it on our own. Sort of like blaming hourself for needing a cane because you are lame.Love yourself by allowing that you still need other people in your life to broaden your vision of yourself through their set of eyes. Lovers are just as capable of making that happen. We have to stop saying love yourself love yourself ….its like telling a person to build a house without providing tools, lessons or help from people.Unless you can provide the tools and teach us how to use them, saying “love yourself” is usless. So We need others….INCLUDING lovers to help on our way. And there should be no shame or blame for that.

        • Jacob on July 10, 2014 at 4:08 am

          You love yourself by being impressed with yourself. Your the only one who knows how to impress yourself. It’s that easy. Not something hard too see.

    • Laura on July 11, 2014 at 1:12 pm

      But lot’s of people never find that missing puzzle piece and they are not incomplete people. I get the idea of the right person makes you want to be a better you, but again some people are solo forever and they get to be complete on their own too.

  5. katie on July 9, 2014 at 5:09 pm

    great article, thank you. i am forever grateful <3

    • Shelly Bullard on July 10, 2014 at 3:37 am

      You’re welcome Katie! xo

  6. Liza on July 9, 2014 at 5:24 pm

    I am finding that dating for me is a terrifying thing. I have a really fun personality and most people I meet like me and love talking/being around me. But when it comes to a one on one dating situation with a man I completely shut down. It’s like a get stage fright and can’t open up. I can barely even think of something to say… I don’t know what to do….

    • Shelly Bullard on July 9, 2014 at 5:48 pm

      It sounds like you have to get connected to you first – to your Higher Self, to your Soul. When we are disconnected from ourselves, we become focused on what the other person thinks about us. We are completely in our heads. The answer is to drop out of your head and into your heart – to just be in the present moment. You aren’t supposed to “think” of anything to say – you are supposed to just be. 🙂 Good luck – you can do it.

      • Jessica on July 29, 2014 at 2:31 am

        Wow. I think I needed this piece of advice more than anything! Thank you!

        • Shelly Bullard on July 29, 2014 at 3:23 pm

          You’re welcome!

  7. Alma on July 10, 2014 at 2:02 am

    Thank you for posting this great article! It gave me lots to think about & consider.

    • Shelly Bullard on July 10, 2014 at 3:37 am

      You’re welcome, Alma. xo

  8. janice on July 11, 2014 at 1:55 am

    Thank you for posting this article! Perfect timing for a very recent dating experience… 🙂

  9. Audrey on July 14, 2014 at 1:08 am

    I was very quick to judge the very man I married. I thought he was too dorky, too much of a nerd and immediately set him on the friends list the first time I met him. But as we became friends, not just through dating, I found how much I enjoyed being around him. So much that after only two months after we first met each other, we started dating. That was 7 years ago and we’re now happily married. I learned my lesson about being quick to judge!

    • Shelly Bullard on July 14, 2014 at 3:22 am

      Love this! Thanks for sharing, Audrey!

  10. Jimena on July 17, 2014 at 7:01 am

    i love love love love this and all of your articles! You are amazing! thank you 🙂

Before you dive any deeper...

Hi, I’m Shelly!

I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.

On any random Saturday, you could find me hiking in the Redwoods with my family during the day AND relaxing to all songs on 🎶the foggy jazz🎶 station on Spotify in the evening with my man…

I’ve helped 125,000+ expansive, beautiful humans manifest their desires through my YouTube channel.

Over the last decade, I transformed my love life… I went from feeling terrified that I may never find love or have a family of my own to manifesting marriage, my baby, our dream home, and so much more. Now, I want to help you do the same.

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