: 17 February 2014

The Biggest Mistake Career-Driven Women Make in Love

Honey, I know you want it all. And you can have it.
You can have a successful business and you can have a hot relationship. But in order for that to happen, you have to know that approaching your man and approaching your business are two completely different endeavors. In fact, they’re opposites. Here’s what I’m talking about:

The biggest mistake that modern-day women make in relationships is that we lose touch with our feminine side. And this makes for a huge problem in love.

By feminine side, I don’t mean your outward appearance. What I’m talking about are the qualities that characteristically define the feminine; traits such as receptivity, intuition, heart-centeredness, wildness, creative power, emotionality, and radiance.

It makes a lot sense why women separate from their natural feminine essence. In our society, and especially in the business world, qualities of the masculine are highly revered, while the feminine gets pushed to the side.

We value logic, but not necessarily intuition. We value science, but what about the arts? We value drive, but time for reflection often gets dismissed.

This denial of the feminine becomes highly problematic for women who want it all; because by denying your feminine essence, you are denying the aspect of yourself that is able to receive deep and profound love. 

Let me ask you, what kind of man turns you on? 

Is it a man who is strong, with purpose and drive? 

One who makes plans and follows through? 

One who isn’t afraid to take charge of the situation and of you?!

If you’re like most women I know, then the answer is “Hell yes, I want a man like that!” Many of us do. Because what I described above is a masculine man, and he is irresistible to the feminine woman.

Have you struggled in finding a man like that? Are most of the men you’ve encountered unable to step up to the plate? If so, then there’s a reason that this is happening for you.

Sweetie, it’s likely you’re taking on too much masculine energy in your relationship! And it’s sabotaging your experience in love.

In your business, yes, by all means let your masculine drive, control and assertion charge forth! Make s#*t happen–I’m behind you all the way! But remember that your relationship is not a business. If you want to be with a man–a real man–then you must allow yourself to relax back into your feminine essence so he can step up to the plate.

In all romantic relationships, a sexual charge is created by the meeting of feminine and masculine energies. The further apart these energies are (the more feminine you are, and the more masculine he is) the stronger the attraction.

That means, in order to heat things up in your relationship, or to find a man that is really going to satisfy your needs in love, you have to get reacquainted with your feminine side. 

Being in contact with your feminine side means learning how to open up and receive from a man.

It means relaxing into the fullness of life, letting your urge to control go. 

It means making space in your schedule for reflection, and taking deep care of your body, mind and spirit.

It means actually letting a man take charge; letting him make the first move, the first text, the first question, the first phone call. 

I believe that we are at a turning point when it comes to romantic love because as you know, the current model isn’t working. It’s time for a big change, and that change starts with you.

Your relationship is not a business. It is a place for you to feel adored by your man. 

I know how badly you want that, and let me assure you, it can be yours. Get comfortable with your magnificent feminine self, and you can have it all.

Please leave a comment below telling us one way you suspect you are being overly masculine in your relationships, and one thing you are going to do to get reacquainted with your feminine side. I look forward to hearing from you!



  1. Alexis Quintal on February 18, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    In my work life, I have taken on many leadership positions. I am simultaneously a supervisor, trainer, mentor, and manager, all within different job positions. I love being in control and making things happen. And I really do! But, with my man, I expect things to happen as quickly for me as they do at work. I try and force him to be there for me all the time, to know what I am doing every second, and I call him out when he doesn’t. It is such a viscous cycle because he is not as driven as I am, so I am really just pushing him away. I just don’t know how to be a girl anymore in the relationship- unless it has to do with getting upset or acting clingy. How do I separate my leadership positions from my relationship?! Help!

    • Shelly Bullard on March 3, 2014 at 3:08 am

      That’s right – you have lost your connection with the feminine essence within you. I am going to tell you what I told someone else in a comment: Turn your awareness inward to find your flow and inner, feminine strength. She is Shakti. Movement, creative power, softness, wildness, everything that makes life sweet!!

  2. Fred DeFalco on February 18, 2014 at 4:42 pm

    So well written and 99.99% right on target.

    • Shelly Bullard on March 3, 2014 at 3:07 am

      What’s the .01% off? Totally kidding. Thank you, Fred.

  3. Marilyn on February 18, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    What an excellent article!
    The world I live in doesn’t feel free, intuitive and feminine. On the contrary, to me it feels quite challenging, competitive and I constantly feel like I’m on survival mode. I don’t have time to tone up or paint a picture, and even if I did, I don’t feel like I could even find the energy. These may sound like sorry and poor excuses, but to be honest, this is my opinion of my life. This doesn’t mean that I will remain that way, but I guess an article like this is a start towards better things. So thanks. 🙂

    • Shelly Bullard on March 3, 2014 at 3:06 am

      You are welcome. Turn your awareness inward to find your flow and inner, feminine strength. She is Shakti. Movement, creative power, softness, wildness, everything that makes life sweet!!

  4. MOS on February 18, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    I plan everything always, my schedule, my time to make everything work and I’ve tried that with men as we’ll. Now I get it all!!!
    I’ll try to be less bossy, let them be in charge and I believe I’ll have much less stress!

    • Shelly Bullard on March 3, 2014 at 3:05 am


  5. sameera on February 19, 2014 at 8:33 am

    I will try to take your advice and let him take charge, let him text me first and call me….i have been doing the exact opposite…………

    • Shelly Bullard on March 3, 2014 at 3:05 am

      Oops! Now you know! 😉 xo

  6. Jen Arcila on February 19, 2014 at 8:42 am

    Hi Shelley, Thanks so much for these kind and sweet ideas – somehow they resonate very much with my inner being – and it’s a lovely prompt for me to ‘let go’ and allow the universe to send me my very beloved masculine man – I can’t wait to meet him, and to have him sweep me off my feminine feet! :)Stay strong and lovely,

    • Shelly Bullard on March 3, 2014 at 3:05 am

      Amen, sister!

  7. RMP on February 19, 2014 at 6:55 pm

    I just wanted to say – I love this blog it has opened my eyes and I am going to let the man be the man.

    • Shelly Bullard on March 3, 2014 at 3:04 am

      Right on!!

  8. Tonya Rossi on February 21, 2014 at 12:52 am

    This is very enlightening:) I have a real need for this information..

  9. lindsay on February 21, 2014 at 10:59 am

    what advice do you have for men getting in touch with their masculine side, such as developing the characteristics you described above that make a man masculine? Thank you.

    • Shelly Bullard on March 3, 2014 at 3:04 am

      The masculine is embodied through consciousness, strength, clarity, insight, purpose and drive.

  10. Mimi on February 24, 2014 at 5:31 am

    I agree with you but I also read that men think women are too needy if they are not independent enough. It’s a serious catch 22 …. I know lots of alpha males are married but all have girl friends on the sides. Their wives are stay home moms while their girl friends are the ones in the office who they find common interest about work. So I know men wants respect but if they don’t step up to the plate… How does one give it? I usually let them do the chase but once they know how passionate I am about my job and where I want to go… They usually can’t handle it. So do I have to hide what I actual want to get a husband?

    • Shelly Bullard on March 3, 2014 at 3:01 am

      This is about being fully embodied. When women feel like they aren’t good enough, they become both clingy and over-giving. It is a horrible combination that many of us are familiar with!! Hiding is never, ever, ever a way to get a partner. Embodying your truth is.

  11. francesca on February 24, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    Hi Shelly 🙂
    I’m only 17 but I’ve been with this guy for 2 years. ( A year on and off and a solid year ) A week before our anniversary i found out he cheated on me so i had to end everything 2 months later he went out with the same girl. The only mistake i made was leaving him cos it’s been a year since the break up and i still love him and i miss him and i still cry for him.
    I believe that he is the only one but i don’t want to ! I believe i deserve better than him…But i need help on how i can let him go.

    Thank you 🙂

  12. Anne on February 24, 2014 at 10:43 pm

    Thanks Shelly for writing this article, what a joy it was to read.
    I suspect the one way that I am being overly masculine is the need to drive myself around in my car and to places. Not allowing others to help me. I see it as a practicality to be able to drive to and from locations year in and out. This is me taking charge, and leading. I think I need to stop this a little and let someone else take the lead.


    • Shelly Bullard on March 3, 2014 at 2:59 am

      Yes Anne!! Awesome insight!! xo

  13. Lucie D'Alessandro on March 2, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    Hi Shelly, ah, you must’ve written this for me 🙂 It’s only through reading your blogs over the past 6 or so months since my marriage ended (imploded) that I’ve realized I had the dominant masculine energy – controlling, making all the decisions, taking charge, and not giving or receiving enough love. I see it with my mother too (no blame, just observing the eerie similarity, but no surprises there!). Letting someone take care of me feels weak and is HARD; dissolving that old “I have to take care of myself because everyone will eventually leave me” story.
    It’s been a life-changer to realize that our relationships are the container for our growth… wish I’d known that many years ago (and I’m excited – and nervous – to meet my next love and see this in action). I really, really, reeeaalllly appreciate your insights, stories and tips – you’ve helped me work through an epically messy separation and see myself and my actions in a new light. Thank you x

    • Shelly Bullard on March 3, 2014 at 2:41 am

      You are so welcome, Lucie. Yes, growth is hard. And, only when you allow yourself to be met and taken care of, can it happen. Lots of love to you. xx

  14. Rose on March 5, 2014 at 1:09 am

    Shelly,I too have been approaching my relationship with a masculine role. I know I need to step back and let him lead but it terrifies me. I like control and order so letting go gives me intense anxiety. Please help. Thanks.

  15. Anna on March 12, 2014 at 7:23 am

    Thanks Shelly,I just realized that this is what I have to work on. I am a successful consultant with my own business. I have worked within the industry for almost 30 years. I am still a good-looking woman but I am so “capable”. I have been told to work on my vulnerability…

    My problem is not to step back (i think and hope i can do that and I really long for it) but men in my country are not used to step up and for me to leave the control to him I have to be sure that he “takes it” and that he is as capable as I am……and not very many of the men I have met this far are 🙁

    I am sure I do send totally wrong signals…

    Do you give practical courses? ;-

    • Shelly Bullard on March 12, 2014 at 8:08 pm

      I will be launching a course very soon. It’s called Become His Muse, and it’s about reclaiming your feminine self. Stay tuned…

Before you dive any deeper...

Hi, I’m Shelly!

I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.

On any random Saturday, you could find me hiking in the Redwoods with my family during the day AND relaxing to all songs on 🎶the foggy jazz🎶 station on Spotify in the evening with my man…

I’ve helped 125,000+ expansive, beautiful humans manifest their desires through my YouTube channel.

Over the last decade, I transformed my love life… I went from feeling terrified that I may never find love or have a family of my own to manifesting marriage, my baby, our dream home, and so much more. Now, I want to help you do the same.

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