: 16 August 2014

How Changing Your Beliefs Will Change Your Experience in Love

Your belief system greatly impacts the quality of your relationships. What you believe is possible in terms of commitment, love, trust, and happiness, is possible. And what you don’t believe is possible is terms of love and relationships, is not.

Simply put, your belief system lays the foundation for your entire experience in love. You have to believe something is possible in order to make it a reality.

Because our beliefs strongly influence our lives, a crucial step in finding love is confronting the limiting beliefs you have about relationships.

Below are three of the main limiting beliefs that keeps love at a distance. If you identify with any of these statements, take the necessary steps to shift what you believe. Doing so will transform your entire experience in love.

1) I’m too ______ to be loved.

Fill in the blank with whatever unimportant detail you want: old, young, fat, thin, dark, light, whatever. I’m not saying this to minimize your experience, but I am making the point that there’s nothing about you that makes you unlovable. That’s all in your mind.

Lovability has nothing to do with physical characteristics, or any other quality of the personality. It has nothing to do with your past or your future. It’s not dependent on your age, your degrees, or the amount of money you make.

Your ability to experience love with another person has to do with one thing only: your belief that you are lovable.

If you believe you’re not lovable because of certain qualities or traits, you’re going to experience that in your relationships. But if you can transcend this limiting belief and recognize that you’re inherently lovable, then you have no choice but to see and feel love in your life, as well.

2) Love hasn’t worked in my past, so why would it work now?

Many of us are carrying baggage from the past that causes us to fear intimacy. This is natural – we’ve been hurt and we don’t want it to happen again!

But think about it: if you’re constantly re-living the past by fearing the same experience today, then it isn’t in the past at all. It’s your current reality.

If you can simply shift your belief system from, “Relationships don’t work for me,” to “I have struggled in the past, but I’m determined to grow and get better at relationships,” you’ve already added so much hope into this area of your life. This simple shift will make a huge difference in the success you’ll feel in your love life.

3) No one is going to love me that much.

Really? I beg to differ!

You are incredibly lovable. Yeah, you! But until you know this, you’re not going to be able to accept love from another person. It’s just a fact.

If you secretly doubt that another person can love you the way you want to be loved, then you are keeping love at a distance. If this is the case for you please take a moment to do the following exercise:

Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and repeat these mantras, from your heart:

I am lovable. 

I am deserving of love. 

I am worthy of love.

Are you able to feel the truth of those statements in your heart? Keep practicing to shift the internal belief that love is not a possibility for you. I promise you, when you believe you’re lovable, that love will be mirrored back to you by others, too.

Remember, you’re beliefs are very powerful; they’ll influence and shape your life. In order to shift your experience in love, you must start by shifting your beliefs. Know that great love is a possibility for you, and you’re on your way to making it a reality.

Please leave a comment below telling us one limiting belief that’s keeping love at a distance for you, and how you are going to shift it. And if you want my help to transform your limiting beliefs so you can attract the love of your life, please click here. I look forward to hearing from you!


  1. Misty-Blu on August 16, 2014 at 11:19 pm

    Hi Shelly
    This ties in so perfectly with therapy that I’m currently experiencing this year. I’m just so happening to test out my limiting beliefs that have been with me for so long, so I’m really grateful to read this article as It will really help with things that I need work on.

    • Shelly Bullard on August 17, 2014 at 12:00 am

      I’m so glad, Misty!

  2. D on August 18, 2014 at 8:19 am

    My limiting belief is that men don’t like smart, strong and independent woman, so I think I’m scary and ugly for them because of that. I also feel that I’m too poor and ugly to find someone worthy.

    • Shelly Bullard on August 18, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      You need to change those beliefs, D!

    • Steve Horsmon on August 18, 2014 at 5:15 pm

      Hi D.
      The man you deserve IS attracted to smart, strong, and independent women.

      However, the men I know have other qualities they like in these women. Power and femininity is irresistible when used wisely.

  3. Tricia on August 19, 2014 at 12:31 am

    I think love comes in many forms. When we try to mold ourselves to a form that makes us lose connection to our core self, we miss out on sharing the love that comes straight from our source. I have found over the years (and 4 marriages later!) that I am at my best staying connected to my True Self, which is best done by living separately from my most significant other. I finally have surrendered to the fact that I am a Lone Wolf that shares the den when well. If I am sick or out of sorts in any fashion, I am thrown far too off my own center to maintain my connection to my core, or ability to reasonably share space. I am working with rooting out the reasons behind my desire for total independence and solitude, but somehow feel that I also need to accept that that is the way I am right now!

  4. Dana on August 19, 2014 at 12:34 am

    One of the connections I have recently made is that I tend to get involved with men who are emotionally unstable. I know I can’t “fix” them, but I always want to help. Right now, I am also really emotionally struggling. I have Major Depressive Disorder and Fibromyalgia, Anxiety Disorder, and PTSD. I have been forced to resign my job because of these illnesses. I have to file for disability. This is not how I thought my life would be. In fact, today I had an appointment to file for food stamps, but I blew it off because I am so mortified and humiliated. It’s very hard for me to ask for help. I used to be fearless, capable, motivated, and passionate. That’s all gone now. I think I am choosing men with more issues than me because it makes me feel like the stable partner in the relationship. I do have a fondness for broken and damaged things. My two cats were both strays. One needed bottle feeding every two hours. I’m not unlovable. I’m smart, funny, creative, and unique. I’m an awesome woman who has some problems. But I have been practically bedridden since last November. So, seriously, what healthy, stable, mature man would want to be involved with someone like me? Lovers are one thing, but a real adult relationship? No way. I don’t even know what that would look like. No amount of therapy, affirmations, or self-nurturing is going to make me more attractive to a healthy “normal” man.

  5. Noelle on August 19, 2014 at 2:42 am

    People treat us how we treat ourselves. Thanks for the positive energy!

    • Shelly Bullard on August 19, 2014 at 7:34 pm

      You’re welcome!

  6. Janna on August 19, 2014 at 11:16 am

    A limiting belief is that I don’t know how to express my emotions openly. I have many of them and wait for someone to see through my mask and so far no man ever has. Perhaps expressing them and losing the fear of becoming vulnerable would be better than bottling them up.

    • samantha on August 19, 2014 at 8:23 pm

      I realised how many deep hidden issues and fears I have about being loved after meeting a man who made me see so much more of myself and when we finally made that almost deep connection I freaked!. Fear. I am working tirelessly on myself but the one thing that I still find almost impossible is vulnerability. Have experienced it by pure default and omg how amazing it is but so difficult to maintain, I so want to get there and so will

      • Shelly Bullard on August 20, 2014 at 5:30 am

        Yes – you will, Samantha. Remember that it’s a practice – relationships are a practice. We keep practicing and we get better and better at showing up in a more authentic way. You’ve got this! 🙂

  7. Julia on August 19, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    Dead on! Had to go through this release/shifting process myself. What helped was identifying where/who the original thought/feeling came from (an insecure mother, an absent father, a judgmental ex-boyfriend who couldn’t love himself, etc.). Once I recognized my “beliefs” were just internalizations of their own projections, they were easier to transform. Note: Easi-ER, not easy. Still a lot of work, but, goodness, it was worth it.
    Thanks for sharing — always love your pieces.

    • Shelly Bullard on August 19, 2014 at 7:33 pm

      Thank you for this Julia! Inspiring. 🙂

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