: 17 March 2014

How to Embrace Your Feminine Side

We all, both men and women, have feminine and masculine qualities that define who we are. Your masculine side gets expressed when you are working towards a goal, making progress, getting things done, and pushing forward. Your feminine side gets expressed when you move with the flow of life, embrace your creative energy, dance, play and attune to your internal process.
These opposite energies are necessary to embody in order to feel like a complete person. Even though men tend to identify more with masculine energy, it is enjoyable for them to let go to be flexible. And the same goes for women: we tend to naturally enjoy moving with the flow of life, but we also like being clear, directive, and progressive.

It is satisfying for all of us to have outlets for both our masculine and feminine tendencies. However in our culture, masculine qualities, since they are about progress and moving forward, tend to be “valued” more than feminine qualities. This creates a feeling of off-balance, both individually and culturally.

When we overvalue masculinity, we spend most of our time working and very little time resting, taking vacation, and spontaneously connecting with others. When we overvalue masculinity, we become dependent on man-made things, such as our smart phones and laptops, and spend less time in nature and expressing our creative selves.

Being overly-masculine and underly-feminine leaves many of us longing for something else–something rejuvenating, something wild, something resourceful, something spontaneous–but we don’t know what it is!

What it is is the feminine. Without even knowing it, you are seeking her out.

If you are stressed-out and seeking renewal, let me assure you, you can have it. Here are several ways that you can practically get in touch with the feminine, in yourself and in the world:

1. Reflection

Many of us are so busy that we rarely take time to listen to what’s going on inside of us. If we are always acting in an extroverted way, it creates a schism within; we lose touch with our deeper selves.

This can be easily modified. All you have to do is internally connect to who you are. An excellent way is to do this is to start therapy. When you work with a therapist to explore your thoughts and feelings, you are essentially are diving into your deeper, internal (feminine) side.

2. Nature

Places can be characterized as either masculine or feminine. As David Deida talks about in his book, Intimate Communion, New York City is a highly masculine place, while Hawaii is very feminine. San Francisco, where I live, is somewhere in the middle–an eclectic culture of artists and progressive, techie innovators.

The feminine is life force energy. Places like the forest, jungle, parks and the ocean are abundant with natural feminine energy. Go there when you are feeling out of sync and in need of revitalization.

3. Creative energy

The feminine is the creative force. If you think about a woman’s body, we are femininity expressed in human form, and our bodies are designed to create life.

Creation can occur in many ways–artistic expression, writing, dance, painting, dreaming up new ideas. Visioning what you want to create. Anything that expresses your flow is considered feminine.

4. Emotional attunement

While the masculine is defined by logic, the feminine is expressed through our emotions. We all have emotional selves, but many of us have not been taught how to understand our feelings.

If you are confused about your emotional process, don’t worry, you can learn to be more attuned to yourself. You do this by listening to how you feel. As you get to know your feeling states, you’ll automatically begin to feel more whole.

5. Spontaneity and play

Let’s be honest, we do not value vacation, connection, downtime, or rest as much as we should! We are overworked (over-masculinized), and therefore not experiencing the spontaneous joys of life.

Too many of us wait until our next vacation to feel relaxed and playful again. Don’t wait that long! You can have mini-vacations everyday.

Prioritize time for relaxation. Read books, listen to music, do yoga, and simply enjoy the moment. When you get out of your overworked state, you will feel more like yourself again.

6. Transformation

Some of us think of the feminine as being quiet and rejuvenating, but that’s only half the story. Feminine energy is bold as well–she is the the force of transformation.

If things in your life are no longer working for you, it is feminine energy that surges to make a change. This can be dramatic! Destruction comes before creation; we must say goodbye to the old to welcome the new.

While this process of transformation can feel unruly and scary at times, it is necessary. After all, we’re changing all the time. Without the powerful movement of feminine energy, both soothing and unnerving, we would remain stagnant. And nobody wants that.

It’s easy to lose touch your feminine side but, as you can see, it is a necessary aspect of who you are. If you feel burnt-out, overworked, fragmented, or exhausted, you are in desperate need of feminine energy to restore, inspire, and enliven you. Implement these practices, and the feminine will bring you back to life.

Please leave a comment below telling us how you are going to embrace your feminine side. I look forward to hearing from you!


  1. Jeff B. on March 18, 2014 at 4:34 pm

    Excellent article Shelly! I love the break down and tips on how to connect with ourselves better. A lot of us run in ‘always on’ mode, reacting to stress, we forget we owe it to ourselves to calm down and reconnect.

    • Shelly Bullard on March 18, 2014 at 11:52 pm

      Yes Jeff. A lot of us (especially in the US) look down upon the rest part. But when we don’t balance rest with all that go energy, we do burn out.

  2. Smitha on March 18, 2014 at 5:15 pm

    Thanks Shelly,I am in so much need of the feminine energy. It is hard to balance role of a working mother in a techie world, this article helps as it is giving some clear directions and is exposing some myths and bias we have on masculine energy vs feminine.
    One question that popped up in my mind when i was reading this wonderful article, so is it the feminine energy that is at work when you are engaged in writing all these articles and is on a roll for more and more? Just curious thought, wanted to let it out 🙂

    • Shelly Bullard on March 18, 2014 at 11:50 pm

      Yes, it is! It’s my creative flow, which is definitely feminine. And, I write from you heart (rather than my head), which is also very feminine. Love the question. 🙂

  3. Cathy Trinh on March 18, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    Today, I’m going to do a lot of reflections on recent relationship problems that I’ve gone through. Thank you for writing this beautiful piece of literature.

    • Shelly Bullard on March 18, 2014 at 11:48 pm

      Glad to hear it. You’re welcome. xo

  4. Alma on March 18, 2014 at 5:45 pm

    You have no idea how helpful this article is at this moment. I am beginning to see that I have been pushing away and neglecting my feminine side for far too long. I now understand why I’m attracted to gardens and nature in general. Being in nature helps ground me & calm the chaos going on in my mind. My life is begging for change and I’m thankful for such insight. I look forward to reading all your posts!!!

    • Shelly Bullard on March 18, 2014 at 11:48 pm

      I know! I need a good dose of nature almost daily. I just spent the day hiking on a mountain near the water. It totally soothes my soul. Lots of love to you! xx

  5. Donna on March 18, 2014 at 10:59 pm

    Wow, this is so me right now. I have been living my masculine side for years with little opportunity to explore my feminine side. I am currently in therapy, learning to listen to my feelings. I am wanting more and transforming. I no longer want the status quo. I need to find my creative side and inner energy. The future is scarey, but change is needed for me to feel whole and happy. This article so encourages me that what I am doing is correct and not wrong. Been feeling selfish and out of sorts exploring my needs. Thanks so much. You are always an inspiration to me.

    • Shelly Bullard on March 18, 2014 at 11:47 pm

      You’re very welcome, Donna. So happy to hear that you are exploring your feminine. xo

  6. Lynn on December 11, 2014 at 11:09 pm

    As a middle age man, I realize that I have repressed my feminine side for too long. Now I’m beginning to embrace and celebrate in various ways. For example, monthly pedicures; daily beauty routine including moisturizers, serums and lotions; wearing more pastel shades including lilac, lime, citrus, etc.; watching ‘Lifetime’ and ‘HGTV’ instead of ‘ESPN’, using more feminine decor (think flowers, Anthropologie, etc). I’m also planning on reading more books by women authors, and taking more time to be reflective such a walking in park. Finally, I’m beginning to engage my body more by taking yoga and pilates.
    What other suggestions do you have?

    • Shelly Bullard on December 12, 2014 at 2:35 am

      Nice, Lynn! I would suggest anything that helps you engage your senses and feel what it’s like to be in your body.

  7. Jeff (Jacqlyn) on May 27, 2016 at 4:19 pm

    Today is my 43rd birthday.Today I have made the decision to embrace and cultivatemy feminine side.Even though I was born and live as a man I have hit my crossroads..
    I truly believe I can achieve my goals by utilizing my allowing my feminine energy.
    Thanks for allowing me onto this website.

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I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.

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