: 04 April 2015

How to Stop Attracting People You’re NOT Attracted To (& Start Attracting People You Are)

I can’t tell you how many men and women have asked me throughout the years about this complex dynamic in relationships:
“How do I STOP attracting people I’m not attracted to, and start attracting people I AM attracted to?” 

Huge topic. Slightly controversial. But so important to understand.

In the video below, I’ll tell you the exact steps I took to overcome the pattern of attracting men I was NOT attracted to (sounds bad, I know… but it happens to all of us), and start attracting the ones I was. Follow the steps I discuss in the video, and you’ll overcome this pattern, too. (Click below to watch the video.)


Now I’d love to hear from you! In the comments below, please tell us about your experience with attracting people you’re not interested in, and what you’re going to do to break the pattern. I look forward to hearing from you!


  1. Carly Evans on April 6, 2015 at 11:17 pm

    Great video Shelly! I met my man two days after writing my cosmic wish list to the Universe of everything I wanted in my next relationship – it was a long and fussy list!
    I moved to Perth to be with him 2 months later and 4.5 years later we are still going strong.

    Get clear on what you want peeps! Too many of us focus on everything we don’t want – you get what you focus on 🙂 xx

    • Shelly Bullard on April 7, 2015 at 10:36 am

      Awesome! Sounds like it happened fast for you! Thanks for sharing! xo

  2. Kirsten on April 7, 2015 at 4:33 am

    Great message & — Perfect timing!!! Xx

    • Shelly Bullard on April 7, 2015 at 10:35 am


  3. Ahsoka23 on April 7, 2015 at 8:22 am

    Thank you for this. This is really helpful, because I am tired of attracting people that I am not attracted to. I know it all starts from within. I have to become what I want to attract in my life.

    • Shelly Bullard on April 7, 2015 at 10:36 am


  4. StevieB on April 7, 2015 at 1:36 pm

    I love this message and I have been on the road to self-rediscovery within my soul and my current relationships. I have acknowledged to myself the need to end my current relationship, but I also identify myself as an empath, and thus I’m just curious if you have *any* tips for the hypersensitive types?.

    • Shelly Bullard on April 7, 2015 at 8:22 pm

      I think you might be saying that as an empath (because you’re sensitive), it’s going to be hard to end your relationship. The way I see it is we’re all sensitive and it’s always hard to end relationships. So my tip is this: Courage.

      • Sandy on April 11, 2015 at 10:27 am

        Hi Shelley,Love all your stuff…………
        Your last comment brought to mind a quote that I have on my fridge;
        Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, “I’ll try again tomorrow”. – Mary Anne Radmacher

        • Shelly Bullard on April 11, 2015 at 12:07 am

          Love that, Sandy. Thanks for sharing. xo

  5. John on April 7, 2015 at 2:50 pm

    Another “spot on” video, thank you for that. I think I have a slightly different “issue”, I tend to attract people I am attracted too, I’m just not sure they’re the right person for me long term 🙂

    The point I’ve taken away is that I need to be clear in what I want in a partner and what’s right for me.

    You are always thought provoking – thank you for inviting me in to listen to a “woman’s perspective”. Yes, Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus, but there are a ton of synergies when it comes to understanding relationship dynamics.

    Your awesome!


    • Shelly Bullard on April 7, 2015 at 8:20 pm

      If you’re constantly attracting people who you don’t think will be a good fit “long term,” I would suggest looking into your own resistances to be with someone “long term.” That’s going to help you move beyond the issue I think. 😉

  6. Sunshine on April 7, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    Great timing, and even though it might be controversial, it’s a real issue, and I’m very glad and thankful you took it on.I’m starting to put that manifesting to work now, and will probably watch this video many times.
    I have one question though – what would cause us to attract what we don’t want? I would never consciously ask for the kinds of unattractive experiences I’ve been through… Why would I do it unconsciously?

    • Shelly Bullard on April 7, 2015 at 8:18 pm

      In regard to your question “What would cause us to attract what we don’t want?” – here’s my answers:
      1) If you experienced really hard things in childhood, my personal belief is that we choose life experiences that carry the potential for certain bad experiences. The reason we would do this is because a bad experience usually causes a very strong desire to set it right. (For example, in my own life, if intimacy, connection and love came easy, I wouldn’t have been so drawn to explore it and understand it to the point that I did). So, the bad creates a drive to learn something deeply.

      2) We attract experiences based on our unconscious programing (other words for this are: vibrations or beliefs). Patterns you picked up when you were young will continue to play out in your life until you become conscious of the pattern and evolve beyond it.

      Hope this helps. xo

  7. Chelsea on April 7, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    Ah I love this, thank you! I’ve been working on shifting who I attract, and had noticed some shifts in the guys surrounding me, if not the ones coming to me romantically! I love that you point out that’s proof that they exist and to focus our energy there. All in time!

    • Shelly Bullard on April 7, 2015 at 8:13 pm

      Lovely Chelsea. Good work. 😉 xo

  8. Laura on April 7, 2015 at 4:46 pm

    Love your post, this is something I have been experiencing in my own life recently, and you have really helped to shed a new light on things. I can’t am excited to implement the things that I have learned from you.Thank you!

    • Shelly Bullard on April 7, 2015 at 8:13 pm

      Awesome Laura!! I’m glad it helped! Yes – consciousness about the patterns in our lives goes a long way! xo

  9. A J on April 7, 2015 at 8:02 pm

    Hi Shelly,I just loved this message, and it was so timely for me. I am currently going through some counselling for past relationship issues, and lately I noticed a big pattern – I have been coming out of my shell again, meeting a lot more men, but also attracting the wrong kinds of men. I wrote down to talk to my therapist about ‘attracting men, but wrong kind’. And then bam, your video was in my inbox!! Unbelievable! You’re like an angel, always with the right message at the right time!

    I do believe the bottom line – focus on what you want, not what you don’t want! We attract what we focus on! Thanks for the great reminder.

    I’ve taken your e-course before, and I recommend it to all my friends

    • Shelly Bullard on April 7, 2015 at 8:12 pm

      Awesome AJ! I LOVE that the Universe delivered this message to you when you needed it most. I also LOVE that you recommend my eCourse to everyone – so awesome! Thanks so much for the love. xo

  10. Diana on April 7, 2015 at 8:20 pm

    Thank you for this video. I feel that people often think well you can’t have it all, give it a chance or you have to settle, but I why should I? There’s a difference in thinking you are entitled vs approaching this from a humble place and that knowing you deserve great love which includes someone you are attracted to.

    • Shelly Bullard on April 8, 2015 at 3:15 am

      Totally!! Thank you for saying that – I completely agree! xoxo

  11. Samantha on April 8, 2015 at 5:52 am

    Hey Shelly
    That’s a really good article. I am taking your courses. Many things happened in between. The one I wanted to attract fianlly left my life. It was upset but I know he is not the right one for me (due to distance and other issues). So taking this course would push him to leave my life earlier. As I know I would only attract someone who is right to me.

    Then I attracted another person. He is a lovely person. However, he is leaving soon.

    For that, I have been thinking, why do I always attract people who I would have distance-issue. There must be something going inside my heart.

    • Shelly Bullard on April 8, 2015 at 12:53 am

      Yes – you have to evaluate your own beliefs systems around this concept: “People I love, leave me.” If you deep in your heart believe this, it’s going to keep happening. When you shift that belief to: “People I love want to stay with me” —> “People I love want a long-term relationship with me,” what you experience will change, too. xo

  12. Carol Blanchard on May 19, 2015 at 5:01 pm

    Thank you …. I am starting to really get into the fact that I create my life circumstances. And I too realized recently that I had been attracting men Im not super physically attracted to BECAUSE I was intimidated by men I was more physically attracted to. Need more consciousness with beliefs re: men. And to practice loving them as they are & looking for the good in them. Rather than criticizing and picking apart 🙁

    • Shelly Bullard on May 19, 2015 at 10:05 pm

      Great awareness Carol!! xoxox

  13. Me on August 24, 2015 at 11:35 pm

    What if you attract guys you are interested in – even a specific guy, but even after a few short interactions via texting (no dates) they leave as quickly as they came? I got in a bit of panic mode. This specfic guy I wish I could attract back, but others have done the same. What is wrong with me or what I am doing or not doing?

    • Shelly Bullard on August 25, 2015 at 12:06 am

      What’s probably happening is you become attached to them and they feel that energy, and then they distance. Attachment (or anxiety, clinging, anything of that nature) does not feel good in relationships and we can always feel when it’s happening (even if it’s subtle). My eCourse How to Become the Most Attractive Version of Yourself will teach you how to break that cycle (find out more here: http://mbg.to/Wiurd5j)

  14. Ally on September 17, 2015 at 4:44 pm

    Shelly,You are absolutely right and just gave me an “aha” moment. My lightbulb literally just went on. I attract men who constantly leave me, and in the most abrupt and harsh ways. One of my girlfriends actually said to me that she has NEVER seen this many of the same guys affect one person the same way before. I mean it literally is the identical situation replaying itself over and over. I kept asking myself why and now I know:

    You said to Sunshine up above,” If you experienced really hard things in childhood, my personal belief is that we choose life experiences that carry the potential for certain bad experiences. The reason we would do this is because a bad experience usually causes a very strong desire to set it right.”

    That’s it right there. My mother and sibling died in a car crash. So sudden, so horrific, that it was like the rug was being pulled out from under me. Now with the men I attract in my life, it’s the same thing. They leave in the most sudden and hurtful way. One minute we will be in complete bliss and calm and then next they will disappear leaving me, again, with the rug pulled out from under me.

    In response to this, I hold on tighter to try and negate or fix what just happened–to prove that I am worthy of not being left, to fix this injustice that’s happened to me because if I fix it then it means I’m worthy of someone staying. All I have to say is, thank you. I now get it and now know how to stop this pattern.

    • Shelly Bullard on September 19, 2015 at 10:23 am

      I’m so happy it resonated so deeply for you, Ally. Thank you for sharing. xo

  15. Jason on November 10, 2015 at 8:14 pm

    Good advice. I actually had done this two years ago, got into a relationship that drained all my energy then completely forgot and recently became frustrated with my situation. I remember clearly now lol.

  16. Tracey on December 27, 2015 at 2:29 am

    This is wonderful advice, thank you Shelly. I find that I attract men that, not only am I not attracted to, but they are people I wouldn’t want in my life at all. I was worried about the energy I must have been putting out into the world.I realise, from your video, that it’s the energy that I am giving it that creates more of the same (what you resist, persists, right?).
    I will create the feeling space of the type of man I would like to attract, and stop giving any energy to those I don’t. I’ll let you know how I go! 😀

    • Shelly Bullard on December 30, 2015 at 1:06 am

      Yes!! Awesome awareness, Tracey!!

Before you dive any deeper...

Hi, I’m Shelly!

I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.

On any random Saturday, you could find me hiking in the Redwoods with my family during the day AND relaxing to all songs on 🎶the foggy jazz🎶 station on Spotify in the evening with my man…

I’ve helped 125,000+ expansive, beautiful humans manifest their desires through my YouTube channel.

Over the last decade, I transformed my love life… I went from feeling terrified that I may never find love or have a family of my own to manifesting marriage, my baby, our dream home, and so much more. Now, I want to help you do the same.

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