: 16 October 2013

How to Become Irresistibly Attractive

The qualities of masculine and feminine energy exist in all of us. Your inner-masculine gets activated when you’re working towards a goal, planning, taking charge, and aligned with your purpose. Your inner-feminine is heightened when you’re creating art, enjoying nature, feeling emotions, and living in the flow of life.
Neither masculine or feminine energy is superior to the other. In fact, you have to experience both qualities if you want to feel like a whole person.

However, it is also true that each of us identifies more with being masculine or feminine, especially in our romantic relationships. Learning which energy you identify with the most is the key to creating really hot chemistry with your lover.

So, do you identify more with being masculine or feminine? Let’s find out…

If you have an authentic feminine essence, then you are turned-on by all things masculine. A person who takes charge, has a purpose in his life, is strong and trustworthy, and moves in the world with direction and confidence. If this sounds enticing to you, then you are definitely more feminine.

If you have an authentic masculine essence, then you are turned-on by the sensual, soft, radiant, unpredictable, feminine. She moves to music, experiences the world through her senses, feels deep in her heart, opens to your love, and can be a little wild at times. Sound good? If so, then you have a masculine essence.

What’s important to know is that it’s the difference between masculine and feminine energies that creates an attractive charge between two people. In other words, when one person is masculine and the other is feminine, chemistry happens. And the flip side is, it’s the same type of energy between two people that causes an attractive charge to fade.

If you and your partner are both embodying more masculine energy (forceful) or feminine energy (flowing) for a period of time, this will make you feel less attracted to one another. You’ll either feel competitive, repulsed, or more like friends.

While it’s normal for us to have times when our partners feel more like friends than lovers, most of us will not be satisfied in a romantic relationship that feels like friends most of the time.

As humans, we yearn for a deep sense of love, connection and attraction; the experience of being irresistibly drawn to the person you love. This happens when one partner embodies feminine energy, the other embodies the masculine.

The good news is, you can easily make adjustments that will instantly recharge your relationship. Here’s how:

For the masculine:

– Discover your purpose and stay true to your path

– Have relentless integrity

– Be present to the moment you are in (practice consciousness)

– Get in touch with your inner-strength and practice staying connected to that place

For the feminine:

– Get in touch with your sensuality

– Spend time in nature (this refills the feminine spirit)

– Indulge in the experiences and flow of life (enjoy the food you eat, the way it feels to walk down the street, the people you come in contact with)

– Feel deep within your heart and express whatever is true

One of the greatest things about playing with the polarity of energy is that when you take on more of your natural essence, your partner is likely to follow (usually without being aware of it).

For example, guys (or anyone with a masculine essence), if you take your feminine partner by the hand and guide her as you walk down the street, chances are she’s going to soften into your direction (and she’ll enjoy it very much!). In other words, she’ll automatically relax into her feminine energy.

And women (or anyone with a feminine essence), if you dance and move in front of your man, he is very likely to become present, focused and pursuing of you. His masculine energy will naturally get recharged.

The feminine entices the masculine, and the masculine entices the feminine. Every time.

The next time you are craving a stronger attractive charge in your relationship, play with these masculine and feminine dynamics. Embody whichever energy feels most true to you, and watch the way your partner becomes drawn to you as a result.

Please leave a comment below about how you most enjoy embodying your masculine or feminine energy. I’m excited to hear how you spice things up!


  1. Jackie Morrison on October 17, 2013 at 10:15 pm

    Not all women are natural Southern Belles and uber feminine like a Catherin Deneuve. Even those who are, not every one of them has the same attraction to the alpha masculine. The spectrum of masculine and feminine is a vast one. I’ve known aplha males who seeks alpha females and those that don’t.

    • Shelly Bullard on November 9, 2013 at 2:01 am

      It’s true. The feminine comes in a lot of colors. I happen to embody lots of Dark Feminine myself, and she’s no Audrey Hepburn (although, I have a lot of light feminine, too). The point is to be authentic. Thank you for your comment.

  2. bradley on October 18, 2013 at 12:40 am

    Silly humans there is no such thing as alpha males and uber feminine females…They exist only in your low evolved minds…So if you think that someone is alpha or uber then they are!The reality is usually far different than what you percieve at that moment.Each human has many fears they carry around like excess luggage on an overcrowded airplane.Its a wonder that they can even get off the ground at times…

  3. Corrine Bruning on October 23, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    Could you give us even more tips to play with this duality? I love the one’s you have here…but even more sounds great.

    • Shelly Bullard on November 9, 2013 at 2:03 am

      I will be writing more about the subject in the coming weeks, and my eCourse, Become His Muse, will outline it all!

  4. Shanna on October 28, 2013 at 11:35 am

    What about this duality of feminine & masculine in one person – in my case in one woman? Lately I’ve come to see that at my job I seem to use a lot of masculine energy and thriving in it. At home and around friends I am a lot more feminine, but struggeling to accept that these two pronounced sides of me are still authentic.

    • Jessica on November 2, 2013 at 10:15 pm

      Shanna, I feel that way too! I’m curious about what that means and how it influences our romantic choices and relationships.

  5. Jim on October 29, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    An interesting article with good insight and the qualities of masculine and feminine energies are well defined. In being male, I have an authentic masculine essence but have taken the time to understand and have learned to embrace and incorporate the feminine. Though male dormant, my experience finds me happiest when both male and female energies have found their respective balance. I am not sure if this makes me more or less “sexy”, but I can say I am more complete. Am I going to be the only man to comment on this? 🙂
    Thanks for the article Shelly.

    • Shelly Bullard on November 9, 2013 at 1:53 am

      Love it! Yes, it’s sexy to have both. But what’s even more sexy is if you turn up your masculinity with a woman. Ability to have your feminine side, while taking on a strong masculine. That’s hot!

  6. Barbaraparker on January 4, 2014 at 6:38 am

    I found this very interesting.I love being a woman.And a dominate man is a real turn on. But……I want the him to show his fem side when connecting emotionally

    • Shelly Bullard on January 6, 2014 at 5:43 am

      Dominant men are attractive. I think it’s important for us to honor the differences between men and women. In general, woman have an easier time with feelings than men. That’s not to say that men don’t have feelings or that they don’t understand feelings, but I am saying that it comes more naturally for us as women. It’s just something to keep in mind.

  7. Transformation on April 13, 2014 at 10:59 am

    Do you have any articles on dark feminine energy, such as what it is and the difference between light and dark.
    What’s the importance and the reason for the light and dark?

    • Shelly Bullard on April 13, 2014 at 10:04 pm

      I don’t have any articles about this yet, but it is one of my favorite subjects. I might write an eBook about it soon!

      • Lina on May 18, 2014 at 8:16 am

        Hey Shelly,I love your articles, and i want to know more about the dark feminine and Light Feminine, I cant wait your e-book about this!!

        • Shelly Bullard on May 18, 2014 at 11:07 pm

          Cool! Thank you! I have several eBooks that I’m working on at the moment – so many ideas!! 😉 Thank you for following along! xo

  8. maya on June 16, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    Hi Shelly The qualities that you describe here as masculine are absolutely essential for femininity too and I don’t see how being feminine is without “relentless integrity” and “purpose”. A feminine woman’s purpose could be to nurture or be creative. But there is a purpose. Femininity is nothing without integrity.

    I see masculine as being direct, forceful, taking initiative, having ambition, being strongly directed/goal-oriented, rational/logical, practical, realistic, thinking, concerned with “macro” stuff, giving, impersonal, useful, challenging etc. In its negative form it can be dictatorial, stubborn, rigid, cold, hard, controlling and dominating.

    I see feminine as being receptive, soft, creative, flowing, flexible, dreamy/imaginative, feeling, intuitive, personal, connected, inspired, gentle, sweet, indirect, detail-oriented or “micro” focused, beautiful, nurturing etc. In its dark form it is overemotional, manipulative, indecisive, taking too much, muddled, weak.

    I believe qualities like integrity, independence, confidence, strength, intelligence, security, caring, purpose etc. are neither feminine nor masculine but are seen in both even if they are expressed differently. e.g both masculine and feminine are strong and have a purpose but express it differently. I also don’t think leading is masculine and following is feminine. Feminine leadership leads differently (with inspiration and nurturing) from masculine leadership (ambition and challenge). Both can lead and must lead at times.

    Also, both men and women need to be balanced in these energies.

    By your definition, I’m not sure where I stand. I love being feminine-I love the girly stuff clothes, make-up, jewelry, perfume, pinks–the works and I love being creative ( I sing, play an instrument, draw, paint, dance-what have you), cooking, decorating, going with the flow, enjoying nature, gentleness, softness. I’m very, dreamy, sensitive and compassionate. I also look fairly feminine-I am petite, long hair, soft skin, round baby-faced, soft high pitched voice with an “innocent” face as I have been told. That is where it ends.

    I’m also very independent, original, focused, determined, aspirational, goal-oriented, organized, takes charge, enthusiastic, high spirited, very rational/logical, realistic, direct, straightforward and protective. Some of these are highly masculine traits and are not limited only to my career. I’m pretty feisty and have a temper, can be outspoken and even confrontational, don’t tolerate non-sense, can ruthlessly cut people and things off if they don’t serve my greater good, can be very cold, practical and logical, and really rise if challenged. I have been called intimidating.
    This side often comes up when I go into survival mode, am threatened or boundaries are crossed, for a particular reason/purpose or when there is absence of masculine energy.

    I have both sides and dark (negative side) and light energies of each.

    I do believe I am feminine at the core but I cannot stand a man (or anybody) telling me what to do, encroaching on my independence, squashing my personal expression in any way, trying to control or even “teach” and “guide me”. I am not sure if I want to follow all the time. I do enjoy leading and doing things. To me respect and love go hand in hand and no man is going to get away with trying to protect and take care of me if his underlying beliefs mean that he thinks I am an idiot or weak. I do not value being “cherished” over being “respected”.
    I do love men who take initiative, have a direction in life, are confident and secure, strong, powerful, positive energy but I also need them to be gentle, respectful and caring.

    Unfortunately, most men I have come across think that being a man means you are “above” a woman, must “teach” and “guide” her ( cause she has no clue!), dominate, get your way, win all arguments (especially intellectual ones) etc. Even when men like smart women ,they don’t want anyone smarter than they are who might challenge them and win at least some times. They must win. Also, men see respect as hierarchical–competing and the winning and earning respect. I see respect as something given to all human beings at a base level because we are all equal. Then if someone is better than others, they earn admiration. So men rarely “respect” women for their intelligence, talents and if she does win in the competition, they respect her but do not love her. They love the damsel in distress. They want respect from women, want to be admired and appreciated. They want women to be feminine and pleasant and fulfill their needs. I find it awful that men need a helpless woman to feel strong, powerful and useful and like a man.

    Why do men think they can’t contribute to a strong, independent woman? They can contribute humor, fun, excitement, sex, romance, love, affection, caring (who doesn’t want caring, even if they are strong), a positive challenge, support, spirituality, growth and their own brand of masculine energy. Even very strong, independent people want and value these things. They can shoulder some responsibilities to free a woman’s shoulders without her having to faint in his arms. A strong woman would love to share burdens even if she is handling them perfectly by herself- she doesn’t have to be needy to do that. And no matter how strong anybody is–the truth is that we are ALL vulnerable, get sick, and will eventually die. Weak and strong alike need help at times. So men have plenty to do with strong so called “masculine” women.

    What do you think?

    • Shelly Bullard on June 16, 2014 at 8:23 pm

      Men do like strong women. I’m with a man who likes me – a strong women. They just don’t like women who are overly-independent, or compete with them, or put them down. I disagree that men rarely respect women for their intelligence – that’s not my experience at all. I think that you may have some beliefs about what men want that are dictating what you see in the world.

      • maya on June 17, 2014 at 4:00 am

        My beliefs are based on my experiences and observations. Perhaps I haven’t met the kind of men you have.Also, I said that there are some men who do respect women for their intelligence, but only as long as it doesn’t overpower theirs.
        As far as I know it is men who are competitive, even over the smallest things, and try to compete with women just to show who is one up. And things are fine as long as they win. And it is this inequality which makes me not want these type of men.

        No one likes anybody who puts them down. Men or women. Even women don’t like other women who put them down. That is not what I was talking about.
        What do you mean by ‘overly independent’? Someone who never ever accepts help? I’m not like that. I ask for help but rarely get it unless I stroke the man’s ego. I have seen this with other women too-whoever strokes their ego more gets more help.
        That said, what is wrong with not accepting help? My question was that why do men need to “help” a woman to feel love? That is what I have a problem with. A man can contribute to and be an important part of a woman’s life without helping her.
        Anyway to each her own. I was just trying to understand what your viewpoint was.

      • Anon on August 22, 2016 at 10:22 pm

        What do very physically feminine, but naturally psychologically masculine women like me do?
        I think I probably like more masculine, less sensitive men – but I can’t just “let my natural femininity shine through” because I have none!

        I find a lot of men are very attracted to me until they get to know me! I am physically stereotypically feminine but I’m a problem solver, analytical, and unemotional. Even with my friends and family, who value my impartial advice – I don’t cry and am critised for having “no empathy”. It would be unnatural for me to pretend to be a “damsel in distress” and I cannot stand weak people, male or female, and I’d rather die single than date another one!!

        What is the answer?

        • Shelly Bullard on September 12, 2016 at 5:08 am

          Damsel in distress is not feminine. Feminine is more about surrender and openness. As you let yourself and your energy open and be vulnerable, you’re energy becomes more feminine.

  9. man of nature on October 23, 2014 at 2:40 am

    man – normally has more testosterone…NORMALLY…..man – usually is more aggressive – competitive……USUALLY
    man – physically stronger…..GENERALLY
    man – wired to get sexually aroused quickly….sight especially….NORMALLY
    could have sex instantly…..USUALLY
    man – builders, inventors, directors, leaders, etc… COMMONLY applies to man
    man – enjoys working hard, sweating, creating, forging…GENERALLY

  10. man of nature on October 23, 2014 at 2:41 am

    the nature of man……MOST MEN!!!

  11. Aime M on November 14, 2014 at 8:00 pm

    Dear Shelly,
    What can we do to better understand the dark feminine in general and within ourselves? What are practical ways we can embody the dark feminine within ourselves?

    Beautiful work that you do !

    Thank you <3

    • Shelly Bullard on November 14, 2014 at 11:34 pm

      The dark feminine has different meaning for each individual, so I’m curious if you’re speaking about something in particular. But typically the dark feminine represents the shadow side of who we are. Sexuality, fierceness, power, strength could all be considered aspects of the dark feminine. The best way to get in touch with your dark feminine is to get curious about what parts of yourself you repress, and start embodying these qualities more and more in your life.

  12. james x W on March 18, 2016 at 5:14 pm

    Well said – it is Wonderful and refreshing to find someone who has a wholistic perspective like myself. Thank you for sharing and educating humanity.

Before you dive any deeper...

Hi, I’m Shelly!

I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.

On any random Saturday, you could find me hiking in the Redwoods with my family during the day AND relaxing to all songs on 🎶the foggy jazz🎶 station on Spotify in the evening with my man…

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Over the last decade, I transformed my love life… I went from feeling terrified that I may never find love or have a family of my own to manifesting marriage, my baby, our dream home, and so much more. Now, I want to help you do the same.

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