: 27 July 2012

How to Stop Feeling like You (or Your Relationships) Are Not Enough

Have you ever noticed how often you feel like there isn’t enough? You may experience this feeling within yourself, as in: “I’m not enough;” or you may experience this feeling outside of yourself, as in: “he/she/it isn’t enough.” Either way, it’s the same feelings of lack, and when you start to pay attention to how often we experience it, it can be quite scary.
Not enough money. Not enough clothes. Not enough time. Not enough love. I’m not enough. He’s not enough. She’s not enough. It’s not enough. The list goes on and on. It’s a hole of perpetual lack (which inevitably equals perpetual dissatisfaction) and most of us live in this state of mind a lot of the time!
What’s even more scary is that this feeling of “not being enough” exists regardless of what it is we actually have. Look at us—we are rich (if you are reading this on a computer, then I am talking to you)! Technically we have more than so many, yet it still feels like it’s not enough. We have so much, minus contentment and happiness (scary!). We are wealthy, yet we still feel poor. We are abundant, yet we still feel incomplete. Something is seriously wrong with this picture!
I think it’s time to put the illusion of “not enough” in check, shall we?
The first thing you have to understand if you are going to move on from this feeling of perpetual lack is that it is an internal state. Until you start to internally feel like YOU ARE ENOUGH, then things outside of you are not going to feel like they are enough.
The fact that we collectively live in a state of lack helps us understand why we are so obsessed with consumption. Whether it’s food, sex, money or accolades, the compulsions we feel to consume all boil down to an internal state of feeling like we are not enough. We want more and more and more. Why? To try and make that damn feeling of “not enough” go away! But because we are trying to cure an internal state with external things, we continue to end up right where we began—we feel like something’s missing, like there isn’t enough.
Now, before I move on, I want to set the record straight about consumption: I’m not saying that consuming is a bad thing. It’s actually a great thing if it creates a sense of joy within you. We are supposed to be happy, and consuming and enjoying life’s pleasures is a part of that happiness. But, what you should know about consumption is that if you are using it to escape the feeling that something is missing, then it’s not really going to work. The true escape from feeling like there’s not enough is done from within.
So let me tell you what is going on inside of you to create the feeling of lack. The state of feeling like there is not enough is a state of your ego. We have two states of mind in which we view the world—ego and Soul. When we are really young we go through a period of separation and our ego develops. This happens for everyone. It is in the ego-state-of-mind that we begin to experience ourselves and the world as separate. When we feel disconnected, we start to feel incomplete. And until we do something about it, this sense of lack stays with us.
Fortunately, the state of the ego is actually just a story. Meaning, it’s not real. It is a felt sense within you that exists regardless of your reality (this is why we—people who have so much—can still feel like we don’t have enough). It’s a delusion of the mind. The ego-mind covers up the true mind; and the true-mind is our guaranteed state of abundance. The true-mind is your Soul.
Your Soul is your natural state—your essence. It remains strong, even if you’ve felt disconnected from it for awhile. It doesn’t take much to tap back into this part of you that is already complete. Your Soul is an internal source of abundance, completion, connection and absolutely, positively more than enough!
The amazing thing is your Soul is something you can connect to whenever you want (because it’s WITHIN YOU—how convenient!). That’s right. You begin to feel lack coming on? Just take a few minutes to reconnect with yourself and the sense that you are incomplete will melt away. This practice is not always easy, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. And the more you practice it, the more you believe that you truly ARE ENOUGH.
The beautiful thing about Soul is it’s not something that can be taught because it already exists within us all. What you can learn, however, are ways to access it more and more in your daily life. Here are some of my personal favorite fast-tracks to Soul:
Meditation: I don’t do the whole clear-your-mind meditation. My kind of meditation is centered around feeling–heart-centered feeling, specifically. I close my eyes and begin visualize something that makes me happy, then I stay with that happy feeling as long as I can. That’s it. Pretty simple, right? Incorporating this practice will open the door to feeling good more often (which means feel lack less often). It’s really simple.
Gratitude: Hello Abundance! Gratitude is the state of feeling thankful for WHAT YOU DO HAVE. It is impossible to feel lack in a state of gratitude, and it is also impossible to feel anything but happy in a state of gratitude. If you practice gratitude daily, your sense of internal abundance will take a dramatic turn for the better!
Joy: Do things that you love to do. This is where you shine; this is what you are meant to do! It should be a major, major priority in life to be having fun. And you can do this everywhere. It’s a myth that fun can only be had in certain places and with certain people. Look for the little joys in life, they are actually EVERYWHERE when you start to open your eyes and look for them.
Inspiration: What do you want to be doing? What is your purpose? What is really, really important to you? These are questions you should be asking yourself on a regular basis. They are going to guide you back to your true self—your Soul. And that’s where you should be hanging out most of the time.
There are lots of other ways to contact your Soul more often, but in general, do more of what feels good to you. We tend to get caught in the false-mindset that we are supposed to suffer (another ego lie) and there is no gain without lots of pain (damn ego). The truth is, you are your best self, your most abundant self, the self that is certainly “enough” when you are living from a state of happiness and grace. So make a commitment to yourself to live there more often. You deserve it, you really do.

Before you dive any deeper...

Hi, I’m Shelly!

I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.

On any random Saturday, you could find me hiking in the Redwoods with my family during the day AND relaxing to all songs on 🎶the foggy jazz🎶 station on Spotify in the evening with my man…

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Over the last decade, I transformed my love life… I went from feeling terrified that I may never find love or have a family of my own to manifesting marriage, my baby, our dream home, and so much more. Now, I want to help you do the same.

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