Best of Manifesting : 16 October 2014
The Secret to Finding “The One”
Many people are on a mission to find “The One.”
We long to be united with the perfect partner… the one who makes us feel enlightened, happy, and whole from the inside-out.
Well, today I have good news for you. That person exists. And this is the biggest secret about finding him or her…
You’re it.
Yes… I said you.
You’re the person that you’ll find completion with.
You’re the person that you find passion, love, and beauty with.
You’re The One.
And when you finally realize this, you’ll align yourself to finding the most amazing relationship with another person, too.
Let me explain why…
Many of us are seeking “The One” because we feel like something’s missing in our lives. There’s a void, a sense of incompletion, a hole.
The logical way we deal with this void is by looking for the perfect solution “out there.” Eventually, we may find people or things to fill this void, but the satisfaction is only temporary.
If we don’t address our disconnection from ourselves, we’ll always return to feeling like something’s missing again.
The reason this happens is because of the ego.
You see, we all have two selves – a complete self (the Higher Self, the true self) and an incomplete self (the ego).
Your incomplete self – or ego – is the part of you that feels like something’s missing. It tells you, “What you want is out there. When you get it, you’ll finally feel complete.”
When we’re identified with the ego, this message is playing in the background of our minds all the time. We listen to it and the search for perfect love is on!
We chase.
We grasp.
We cling.
We long.
We manipulate.
We hope.
We pray.
We fill.
And… we’re still not satisfied. Not for a long, anyway.
Because the nature of the ego is to feel incomplete. So anytime you listen to it’s message (“the answer is out there”), you’re bound to feeling incomplete, too.
Luckily, there’s another self that identifies with wholeness, love, abundance, and happiness within. This is your Higher Self, and when you finally create a connection with it, you’ll automatically feel these qualities, too.
So how do you do that? Simple. Go within to find your truth.
The Higher Self is found through quiet reflection and listening to your inner voice. Meditation, yoga, journalling, and walks in nature are just a few ways that you can sink into the connection with your Higher Self. You’ll know that you’ve found it if it feels like home.
Like a long exhale.
A “finally.”
The more you practice connecting to you Higher Self, the more you become identified with it (and less identified with the ego). The message of the ego fades away, and you feel – with every fabric of your being – that you have finally found “The One.”
And that’s just the beginning…
Because when you find “The One” within you, you finally become prepared to attract the most amazing relationship to you.
We attract to us what we are on the inside.
When you strengthen your connection to your Higher Self, you become fulfilled, happy, gorgeous, and complete from the inside-out. Your true self shines through!
This shifts everything about your relationships. Suddenly, potential partners that you’re attracted to (and that are attracted to you) are people who are fulfilled from the inside-out, too.
I want you to know that you can be deeply and incredibly fulfilled in your love life; the secret is connecting with your Higher Self. The Truth within you.
When you finally do, there will be no doubt in your mind that you have found what you’ve been seeking this entire time. Turns out, “The One” is you.
Please leave a comment below telling us what practices connect you to “The One” (this can be anything that makes you feel like you’re shining from the inside-out). This will help others understand how they can find “The One,” too. Thank you!
115 Comments
Before you dive any deeper...
Hi, I’m Shelly!
I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.
On any random Saturday, you could find me hiking in the Redwoods with my family during the day AND relaxing to all songs on 🎶the foggy jazz🎶 station on Spotify in the evening with my man…
I’ve helped 125,000+ expansive, beautiful humans manifest their desires through my YouTube channel.
Over the last decade, I transformed my love life… I went from feeling terrified that I may never find love or have a family of my own to manifesting marriage, my baby, our dream home, and so much more. Now, I want to help you do the same.
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Wow! I loved this entry, Shelly!Well, I was looking for someone outside of me to make mi life worthy, but later on I understood that not only it didn’t work, but that made myself — and the other guy too — suffer. Now I think that if you want to be in a relationship with someone else, it has to be for the correct reasons: not to make you sure of your worth, not because you think nobody else will love you, not to recover from a past relationship, but because you are happy and want to enjoy life together.
Danitza – everything you said is so right on! Love that. You did your work, sister.
Danitza,
wow, Danitza. Inside of me lots of swirls of thoughts going on. but I didn’t know how to put those into words. nicely put the same thought into words. well said.
I totally agree!!! Well said!!!
well said , i can resonate with the above coment and , loved the article shellyThanku 🙂
You’re welcome, Gunjan.
This is SO true, not just in relationships – in every aspect of our life, people seek to find something to ‘complete’ them through shopping, sex, addictions, and very commonly relationships.I am so clear now that i’ve been doing this for the most part of my adult life in all my relationships! But finally I feel like i’ve fitted the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle and have connected to my inner-source/soul/spirit. I’ve done this through meditation, but for me what has really worked well is journalling. Now, anytime I feel some sort of negative emotion i tap into my source and look at where my ego is creating that feeling. Once i’ve identified the root cause (the false belief/ illusion/ego) I then replace it with a loving perception of either myself, the situation or the other person! The more you do this the easier it becomes and life just starts get easier, happier and more fulfilling!
Hi Kate! Lovely to see you here! Beautiful – thank you for sharing your process. Yes, it’s really about practicing the connection over and over again. That’s what I’ve done – I’ve been committed to it for only 2.5 years now and my life is completely different. Completely. Thank you for sharing, love. xo
Wow .. I have just started to feel this and ding came your emailThank you 🙂
That’s the Universe for you! Law of Attraction – it’s working whether we want it to or not. 🙂 Awesome! Thanks for sharing. xo
hi shalley,
you are really amazing. I have a question shalley?
why the negative thoughts happen( for instance attracting a person with immoral habits than a moral habit person in life.) so easily and the positive thoughts needs a hard work to be manifested based son law of attraction.
thanks shalley
Hi Jani. Thanks for your question. The reason is, most of us associate with our egos. Our egos are the limited-sense of self/ the negativity. Most of us aren’t paying close enough attention to what’s happening inside, but it’s usually really negative. You have to practice connecting to and associating with the positivity – soon it becomes second nature. Also – I think this is part of your question – the world really associates with the ego. When we’re children, we suck up all this negativity. So, it’s our work to change ourselves from within. I hope this helps…
Hi Shelly! Like Tara, I just started to feel this, too, and then your e-mail showed up in my inbox. I don’t believe in coincidences, I believe as you do… that we attract what we are inside… so that means you and a whole lotta others are soul sistas! Hope you have an awesome day!!!- Joan Voss
So cute! Love that!! xo
Wow.. This is amazing I never really thought of it like that. If the higher selfs completes us and is the one – is this where we are going wrong? I have heard that everything we need is found within so do believe this but it’s just a completly new way of thinking. Did this work for you connecting to your higher self? And should we be practicing this also while we are in a relationship?
Yes & Yes!! While, of course, being with another person is so fulfilling in many ways, your “One” is you. Knowing this takes your relationship with others to the next level. 🙂
Really and this is something I guess we should manifest every day. Is there something we can or should be saying or doing to actually put this into practice on a day to day!? Thanks Shelley!
The practice is connecting to your heart, or your divinity, your true-self within. This is what you do. There are many different avenues to do so. My course, is one option: manifesthim.com, but there are lots of ways.
Wow.. This article is amazing and right on time. I was just taking a walk early this morning and looking up at the stars. Just gazing up at the stars gave me a reflection of simple beauty which rejuvinated me in my thinking process. How many times people have said “stop and smell the roses” we are so busy in our everyday life that we forget to smell the roses and be truly grateful for who and what we are. Instead of focusing on what we don’t have (a man for example) we should focus on what we do have. ” You are enough” especially for the right man.
Many Blessings
Yes – I am constantly aw-struck by my surroundings everyday and it makes like so rich. Looking through the eyes of your Higher Self, everything is beautiful to us. Including ourselves! 🙂 Love this. Thank you for sharing.
First, I love your work & your vision for how our love lives really do work, Shelly. So wise! Second, I think one thing that has tripped me up forever was the ego telling me I wasn’t enough, ever. Something about me was always “not like the others” and I saw that as equaling “less than.” The deeper I go into meditation, yoga, journaling — exactly as you put it — the more I relax into who I am. Yep, I’m different, even odd at times for many reasons, but quieting the ego mind and accepting myself makes it easy peasy to accept differences in others, even the differences I once thought were so much better than mine:-) I also feel my heart softening and opening to that uncluttered space where growth happens. Thank you for sharing your inspiration with us…
Yes yes yes!! So awesome!! I have found that the deeper I connect to my Higher Self, the more love and acceptance I have for myself and others. In the space of Source – we are all one. As in, we’re the same. Deep down, we totally are. We have different bodies and quirks, etc. But underneath, we have the same wounds (we’ve forgotten our true nature) and we have the same desire (to be connected to love). Thank you so much for sharing. xo
Hi dear Shelly,I’ve been reading your articles for some time, I began a journey of finding myself, my higher self, the one filled with love that can be given without worries and anxieties, and that, since I think I lost an amazing guy by acting needy…
Your words are very true and really enlightening, thank you for that. I was taken over by my ego, I wanted more than he could give me like some kind of trade and broke up
I am left with regret, and I pray to the angels to erase any bad feeleings he might have towards me.
Thak you again for your words.
Here’s the thing Denise – we get into relationships so our egos can come forward. This is how we grow. Don’t beat yourself up, understand that it’s the natural process. Now the work for you is to heal – to recognize that your ego was just your little self who forgot how powerful you are. When you practice getting conscious of this pattern and connecting to your Higher Self, you’ll be able to transcend this pattern with time. But please have compassion with yourself – we’re all here to learn. Lots of love, xo
Excellent timing! I’ve been told to meditate and find my inner peace and the relationship I’ve been so longing for would find me. I’ve been searching for the wrong person all along and didn’t even know it. I’ve needed to find someone that makes me happy from the “inside out” and not the “outside in”. So many women focus on their ideal man and what he looks like on the outside. Your articles do remind me it’s what’s on the inside that makes the difference. I did find the love of my life and you reinforce that all too often.
Thank you for reminding me to be me!!!
Love it, Wendy! That’s awesome!!
My daily practices include: rising early in the Ayurvedic tradition to exercise outdoors; speaking aloud statements of gratitude; repeating affirmations.
I eat heathfully, striving to eat non-processed, whole foods, and avoid white sugar and white flour.
I read many books and articles on self-esteem, self-love, stopping inner criticism, etc.
I try, try and try again to be loving with others as well as myself; practice patience; and abstain from judgments and criticism.
I stopped working “extra” hours at the office and make sure I actually take a lunch break.
I try to get 8 hrs sleep each night.
I watch almost no TV and do not consume the negativism of the news media, and I no longer consume fashion magazines with their airbrushed, anorexic messages to females in particular.
I also have a host of sexuality practices that I try to implement once each day.
And your course, Shelly, is going to totally help me continue moving forward. Yes, I spend a lot of time on myself, but that makes my life so much richer, and makes me more lovingly and kindly present with others.
Hugs!
Dang girl, you got it going on!! Awesome. I need to work on the 8 hours of sleep, but otherwise, I’m right there with you on most of those things. As long as it all feels good to you, keep going. And so happy to have you as part of the course. xoxo
This is a great message! What connects me to “The One” more than anything is my daily journaling. It’s me getting real with myself and being my greatest supporter. 🙂
Love this!!
This really resonated with me. I have been single for a long time and I am tired of it. I am tired of spending my weekend and holidays alone. I am tired of spending my birthdays alone. I have not been on a date in over 2 years and I have been in a relationship with anyone is over 3 years. And this has caused me a great deal of depression and frustration.
I am glad I read your post today, it made me think about myself and remind myself that I am enough as I am. I am not broken even sometimes I feel that way and I am not alone even sometimes I feel lonely.
Until you feel full and fulfilled from the inside-out, you’re going to be blocking potential connection with others. I know it might sound harsh, but it’s how it works. The more you love yourself and become happy, just as you are, the more attractive you become, and the more opportunities for partnership will make their way to you. xo
Oh my gosh, I can totally relate to these comments. I am almost 56 years young. I have struggled for years to be happy and fulfilled. Relationships have been hard and I have never been able to find “the one” for me. What I have finally realized it’s that I need to love me, like me, and be satisfied with me!! I can honestly say that I love myself and am happier than I have ever been.
Amazing! Love this!
You have to be good with yourself to find your soul mate. You have to love you first to be able to manifest the person you want. I have learned since my divorce that you have to get right with you so your true BIG love can come into your life and you need to reflect the person you want to be to be able to have that person come into your life. I have learned so much about myself from my past experiences and I don’t need anyone to be complete I want someone to share my already fulfilling life with and I know the universe and God are bringing that person to me naturally and effortlessly!!
Yes!
shelly this is awesome. true true true. how to stay tuned all the time ?while meditating of course I am within my highness range. but the charges due to the bitter experience make me feel low and down.
Just keep practicing the high-vibe — strive to take it with you, when you’re done meditating. It will grow and grow. 🙂
Hi Shelly,What is this Higher Self? how to connect to it ? This is pretty incomprehensible for me (I really cannot get it). How to concretely connect to this Higher Self?
Well – I think you’re having a hard time understanding it because you’re trying to do so with your mind. Your mind will not get it – your mind is your ego. Here is a video I made to guide people to connecting to the Higher Self – check it out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZ0Qi0xmyPY
Everytime I receive a new email from you I always know I’m going to love the advice you share. It makes me feel I’m on track with loving myself because what you share is always what I need to hear and am ready to hear. I love that all the troubles I’ve been through in past relationships has brought me to this point of self love. I’m really practicing acts of self love and it definitely has soften the edges. I’m more open to other people and accepting of others as they are. Running, yoga, strength training…exercising my physical body really clears me up mentally. Swimming the ocean heals me emotionally as I let the ocean drift me while I sway to and fro with the tide. Journaling helps me clear my head and fuel imagination into my dreams which make it feels like I’m that much closer to receiving it as reality. And simply playing and just being with my daughter at a park under a tree watching the clouds or birds just as they are is where I receive moments of bliss. I love my life. Thank you for your contribution of love and light in the world! xo
Hi Lei,
the statement you made ” I love that all the troubles I’ve been through in past relationships has brought me to this point of self love.” gives me a deep meaning in life. I really do not know how to express in words. but I could understand the struggles you underwent, as well as the efforts you put to come out of it, after – with a smile looking at those pain like a winner and saying they can’t attack you anymore. applause!!
beyond all enjoying the nature with your daughter.. amazing lei ! It seems like you have reached the state of a saint already.
Hi Jani,
Your message warmed my heart, thank you. I endured so much with others unaware at the time how to assert myself and stand up for myself. I hit rock bottom and when I became pregnant I took it as a sign to go inward and really look at where I went wrong and what I could do to empower myself to be a strong woman and mother. I’m still a work in progress enjoying the journey and grateful to be alive. Someone told me that’s what life is all about-you live it, you endure it, you learn from it, and you share your knowledge and wisdom with others. To love and to be loved. We have to start with our(higher)selves in order to truly give from the heart. Blessings to you.
So beautiful Lei. Thank you for sharing. It is lovely to have you as a part of the community here. With love, xo Shelly
Thank you Shelly for this insightful article, true that, the more you feed and give to yourself, what other people do or not do becomes a none issue because you have found a fountain, an eternity within. I personally make time to be with myself, through reflection, writing my thoughts, being alone to read an inspirational book or meditating. What I have also realized is that, if for what ever reason I don’t do this for days, I begin to crave my space. It’s the most beautiful thing ever, it has made me to feel more aligned with myself.
Beautiful. I’m exactly the same way. 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing. xo
Thank you Shelly, this was simply amazing and really hitting home for me. I started doing affirmations every morning and it really has shifted my whole thought process. I love my self!!! I’m really doing a lot of work on my inner child, and my life is really amazing and I feel great. Thank you for your words of wisdom.
-Colette
Awesome Colette. That is so great to hear. xoxox
Do you have an email address please?
I don’t give my email address out. If you think you might want to work together, check out my offerings here: http://www.shellybullard.com/work-with-me and we can go from there. Thanks!
YOUR ARTICLES ARE REALLY AWESOME…..
Thank you!
Im so in touch with this, no words !! ,ive been searching half my life on things outside of me for happiness, so blessed to embrace who I am in God the higher spirit the inner me , to embrace his love for me , the spirit of God heals where im broken, and loves me in my imperfections , and frees me from lookingfor validations, Shelley yr Revelations towards Healings are so enlightening !!!! Thank you so Much
You’re welcome Angelita. xoxo
I have had a feeling of being incomplete and something missing for years. I’ve always known that I am bigger than myself, but never realized what it meant. I never knew how to tap into myself. I recently experienced my brother passing and this confirmed for me that there is life afterwards. I was able to help make some of my brothers final wishes come true. One being writing and delivering his eulogy. That spark of me being bigger than myself hit me again. I asked my brother to help me understand that in myself. Then I read you article on a friends Facebook page….It is ever so clear to me now who I am. I feel so aware of myself and so complete. I am in a point in my life that my next relationship will truly come from my real self. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this direction that I choose to be my path in life…It’s like the only one that makes sense to me.
I forgot to add one more very important part…I am fully connected with my heart, mind, body and soul. I am guessing that from what I feel from within, someday I will not know the difference between them. This feels so natural!!
Beautiful, Brenda. I’m so happy that this message is resonating for you so deeply. You definitely attracted it in. 🙂 xo
Hi Shelly,Firstly thank you so much for being so wonderful and you are a part of my life now. Am so grateful to have known of you through mindbodygreen and your articles have brought about such magical changes in my life, it’s beyond words. I, in fact encourage my friends to read your articles because you make so much sense. You speak logic and the way you explain stuff is magical. Am grateful to you because when my so called engagement never happened and the guy just disappeared without a trace, I was seeking answers to as to why this happened and how do heal my heart and I happened to come across your article and rest was nothing but miracle. My queries answered and my heart was at peace and I healed faster than I thought and am so grateful for what you write who you are. You’ve become a part of my life. Lots of love hugs and prayers for you. Popee 🙂
Ahhh. That is so so sweet, Popee. I’m grateful for readers like you, who are eager to take in the message and learn right alongside me. With so much love, xoxox
Hi ShellyI just wanted to thank you for your wise words, I have read two of your articles on MBG and both times signed up for your ebook without realizing I had signed up for the same person. I never sign up for anything normally but your words really resonate with me, they just make so much sense and make everything seem so clear and simple. I have just come out of a relationship and I was starting to realize a pattern with men and what I attract, but now I realize that is just because what is happening on the outside is just a reflection of what is happening on the inside.. I look forward to reading much more from you and I hope to start working on healing the inside.
So much love for you!! <3
Rebecca, thank you for your message and it’s lovely to have you as a part of my community. Yes – the trick to all this is healing and loving ourselves from the inside-out. Looking forward to staying in contact. xo
MY AH HA MOMENT:::: This makes for a beautiful dance of love, rather than the push-pull “give-me” feeling the ego produces in relationships. By finding the answer inside of you, the compulsion to “get” and “demand” things from others softens, and you find yourself enjoying relationships as a bonus in you life. Because the truth is, anytime you demand something from someone else, it simply means is you’ve fallen out of love with you.
Thank you for being soo open, caring and courageous to write such a message.
You are welcome, girl! So glad it resonated. Much love. xo
So, so good… and true! When I am living in the space of my higher self, I feel confident and at peace. The ego causes me to strive. Striving makes me feel like I am not enough. That zaps my energy. I get to my place of higher self through healthy self-care, which can be different things at different times. It is often through exercise, feeling my body, being thankful for what my body does for me. It is also often through music. Also, for me, talking with God reminds me how unique and special I am, which allows me to sit in grace and acceptance of who I am. Yes, I don’t want “the one” to be someone to fulfill me, but to complement me. An added bonus to an already blessed, happy, charmed, meaningful, productive, magical and beautiful life. I so look forward to it!
Love it!
Shelly Maam , i wish to talk to u through messages . I am in a big fix regarding someone in my life . Would u please reply me
The only way to speak to me directly is to schedule an appointment with me and my practice is currently full (so I’m not available for that). Perhaps try back in the New Year. xo
Hello Shelly,
Your article firms up how I’m feeling!
Being single for nearly 2 years now after an 8year relationship.
I feel like I’m so at peace, happy, content, & in love being in a relationship with myself.
I guess I’ve found the One! Keep up the great work!
Best regards,
Jo
Love it, Jo!! xo
Profound piece. Fully agree with the spirit to find higher power within self. By self realization one can shed ego, by controlling mind and get into state of mind of contentment, love, kindness and humility. It’s matter of individual research,having full faith in Mother Nature and following the path of spirituality. Very best, Sukhi.
Thanks for your comment, Sukjit! xo
Thank you for this.
You’re welcome. xo
Dear Shelly, what a solemn and profound idea. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I watched your video about how to connect with the Higher Self. Its superb and so helpful.A warm hug for you. Archana
I’m so glad it speaks to you, Archana. xo
Hi, Shelly.Amazing post! When I saw the email in my mailbox I became intrigued.
(By the way, good title to grabb readers’ attention)
I realized about the beauty of falling in love with yourself not long time ago and it feels amazing.
I had to quit my stressful job and do something meaningful. What I do now (writing) feels like the wish of my higher self.
However, I still have to work at my relationship. But I know that this phase is only temporary.
Thank you for this meaningful post!
You’re so welcome, Marlena! Glad you liked it!
Wow. Well said. As one does T’ai Chi Chih, I discovered a melting away of my illusion and discovered that inner essence. As a Teacher of that form it has taken myself to a deeper richer levesl that seemed uncomfortable at first. That was the ego being stripped away or better put ” letting go”. When culminating a group practice or class, I find a sense of warmth, completion, almost a euphoria that is indescribable. Perhaps this is why a desire has within myself manifested to develop a 2 person form as I have seen with various beautiful Yoga forms. Thank you for more enlightenment. Namasté.
Thank you Jack.
Thank you for your information. I enjoy reading your posts and it’s nice to know I am not alone. I am getting closer to tuning into my higher self and recognize that ‘bliss’ feeling. It is difficult to let go of the ego as it’s become part of me, it’s who I have always been. There are elements where I feel fear because in some weird way there is comfort in the ‘other voice’. It scares me to think who I will become when I fully let go. I’ve repeated the same patterns for years now but they are comfortable and safe! Does anyone else feel this? It’s totally illogical and makes no sense. However, I guess the first step is this awareness of the ego and higher self. Thanks again :0)
Hi Clare, Thanks so much for your comment. Yes, what you speak about it very, VERY common. It’s actually where the saying “leap of faith” comes from, because it does feel like a leap to let go of the old self (ego) and step into the Divine/ unknown. However, the more you practice this and realize that there is a Divine force loving you and guiding you, the easier it becomes to take that leap. xo
I just read this post, and this is exactly how I feel! I keep looking for something outside of myself!! Thank you, ill start working on the inside of me!! Thank you Shelly!!!!
Awesome Magda! xo
This is really amazing and liberating!! For the last months I’ve been working so much on myself and I realized I finally felt home and this it, this is home to me. My feelings of loneliness and unworthiness had lead me to nonsense relationships and now I read your beautiful words and it makes so much sense!!! Thank you very much for your words. I believe I’m in the right path finally. Thanks!!!
Awesome Rosy!! So happy it resonated so deeply for you! xo
hello Shelly. I’m not really sure how to actually do this. I don’t know where to begin. Can you shed some light on that? Thank you
Self-love is an in-depth process. I walk through each and every step of how to really BE self-loving in my courses. My course Manifest Your Love would be a really good place to start (Module 1 & 3 in the course are completely dedicated to Self-Love). You can check it out here: http://www.manifestyourlovecourse.com
Dear Shelly;I have been reading and watching lots of books and videos about law of attraction, finding soulmate, the purpose of life, mind power, etc. finally i started doing meditation and also running everyday just to get some things of my chest. what you explained about ego made lots of sense to me since i have been a chaser in all my relationships, i completely loved the way you explained how we can connect with our higher self. being 30 and finding out that haven’t had any decent relationships makes you feel really bad and unusual but now i know what to work on!!!
Awesome, Belkis!! I’m so glad it offered you some guidance! xo
Dear Shelley,Warm love and Namaste !
Thanks very much for your great words and sharing. I have been enjoying it since I signed up to your site.And it has been of great help to get connected with my higher self. It is true that the outside world is the extension of our inner world.
You’re welcome, Atmo!
Hi Shelly. Your articles have been helpful to me so, thump up. True, ego has for long been my worst enemy in my journey to attaining satisfaction not Just in finding the right partner, but almost Everything right. Keep i up
Glad it resonated, Muhd!
Dear Shelly,I have learned so much from reading your notes and I am working on connecting with my “Higher Self”. I have been by myself for 10yrs. since my wife passed. I had one serious girlfriend but that did not work out. I was 17yrs. older than her. Now I have a beautiful lady in my life who is teaching my meditation, relaxation, and enjoying the beauty around us. I have a journal that I write my most intimate thoughts and what I do each day. Elaine and I spend a lot of time together and we have feeling for each other. The only thing is, she is 37 and I am 70. I know there will never be true love between us, but I am finding myself falling in love with her and she will never feel the same for me. I do not know where to go from here. Do you have any advice? TY for your time. God Bless and Love to you.
Perhaps choose women closer to your age. I don’t say that from a judgmental or conceptual place – I’m saying it from the standpoint of: if you date women closer to your age, they’re going to have less resistance to moving forward with you. Younger women are going to have a lot of resistance, so it’s not likely you’ll gain real traction there. I usually don’t give advice like this, but this message is what’s coming through.
I believe this is so amazing. I had a wonderful relationship, but I let past “fears/doubts” get in the way of it and now I find myself, finding my true self. I felt mixed emotions (about my breakup) and suddenly I checked my email and boom, there is your article. I’m so grateful for you and your words.
One question? How can we truly distinguish our ego, from inner voice?
I’m grateful for your response.
With all my love,
Aimee
Hi Aimee. Great question. Your inner Truth feels right, feels true, feels effortless. Your ego feels strained in some way – anxious, confused, judgmental, contracting. The more you pay attention to your inner-voices, the easier it will become to tell the difference.
I am recently getting into Buddhism and have lately been identifying with my ego. To keep a long story short I recently parted ways (hopefully temporarily) with someone I thought I truly loved because he was struggling with his own wounded self. I started getting into Buddhism, which states a very similar position to what this blog is about, and lo and behold good things started coming my way including hearing from said romantic partner. The second I heard from him again I stopped identifying with my higher self and let him define my happiness – and then I didn’t hear from him again for a few days. Now I feel lonely, like something is missing or lacking, and I hear my ego loud and clear again. My goal for the coming week is to get back into Buddhism, practice it as much as I can, get out in nature and focus on me and my happiness. And when I can do that, I know life will lead me down the right path. Thank you, Shelly, for this post right when I needed it. It’s like you’re a mind reader!
Beautiful – thank you for sharing, Tess. Awesome!
This email definitely came at a great time in my life, while I know and understand this to be very true, I’ve been struggling harder than I ever have trying to find peace within myself. I don’t know how to set aside the time to listen to my soul, and I think that part of me doesn’t want to be connected with myself out of fear. I’ve struggled with depression my entire life and I’ve experienced inner peace once before in my life and it was the most beautiful experience, I never felt more alive and in tune with myself and the universe!! I even attracted the man of my dreams who was also filled with inner peace and love and we shared the most mind blowing romance!! It didn’t last unfortunately because my ego took over and I let it ruin me from the inside out, plus we were each experiencing a bunch of curve balls from life… If I had stayed connected with my soul…I know I could have handled things better… I need advice about managing my time or things to journal
That’s what happens… when we fall in love with someone the ego really gets involved. It’s a cleansing process… everything that’s not aligned with love will surface in the relationship so we can release it and grow. Thank you so much for sharing. x
Dear ShellyI’m 26 and have not found my Ideal man till now, it has bothered me so so much and has made me depressed.
One day I tried to help myself, So after all of the sadness, I decided to close my eyes and tell myself that I would find some words or a site in google which would guide me. Eventually I found your site
I do believe It was a gift from my Inside.
I read your words and felt that I have found my way and do believe that they would guide me to reach my Goals
I’m thankful for your positive energy and wish to learn many things from your amazing and wonderful words
With Love
Sarah
Thank is so beautiful, Sarah! I love it!! So glad you found my site. Lots of love to you xo
Thank you Shelly for sharing such lovely insights. For so many years I was searching ‘The One’. And finally found out it is me! Wow! Guess took a hard route to learn it though I kept receiving external messages. I think one has to realize, experience this. Trying to help others do the same! And now I get your message as a sort of confirmation! Double Joy. Thank you for your others messages as well!
You’re so so welcome, Sivaranjani. It’s awesome when we realize that “I AM what I’m looking for.” So sweet. Thanks for your comment. xo
I agree Shelly I’m going through a really bad 3rd separation from my husband which I didn’t want but is happening and we going to finally divorce ….As u said I wanted his him because I felt he completed me and without I cant live without and its the truth …. As u said we first have to love yourselves when we do we don’t need anything to fill a void because we are complete….But its hard to start loving yourselves because ego knocks us down…..
Sue
😉
Yes. We have to love ourselves, FIRST! Rule #1 of relationships. Lots of love to you, Sue. xo
Yes, but…. Here is my experience: I’ve always believed what you are saying and after many years of working on myself have reached a place of beauty and power within. Last year met a remarkable man with whom I experienced tremendous passion and levels of bliss I never imagined existed. Unfortunately, because it was so strong between us, I ended up giving away my inner power by projecting it on him and when he left me I was devastated. Still can’t regain myself. After years and years of inner work I ended up in most excruciating pain. Relationships are really the biggest test of how we integrate our personal power. Any suggestions on how to regain it and not give it away, even in the face of tremendous passion?
YES YES YES!!! You are so right!! The real test comes when we are IN a relationship. Regain your power (and keep your power) by ALWAYS connecting with Love within yourself, first.
Wow that was amazing! You just answered a question I have been struggling with for 10 years! I am going to journal and meditate to begin to connect again with my higher self.
Thank you!
That’s AMAZING Ellie!!!! So happy to hear that!
Dear Shelley,I thank you so much for the sharing you do. I have been on a journey of self awareness and love for a while. I am struggling with a current “relationship” where he does not share his feelings and battles to be close to even his own family. I intuitively do not take it personally as i beleive it is more about him than me. I express love and commit wholely to relationships and it is no different in this one. I am in the infant stages of applying the law of attraction as this relationship in its current state is not what i want. i have not ended it. if i analyse it i should do so as im not fufilled. in order for me to atrract the relationship i want do i need to end this one or is it possible for a relationship to grow into a fufilling one? My plan is to share with him my needs and see if he is able to evolve with me. Do you have advice please?
It’s possible for it to become fulfilling… you have to ask yourself why you attracted this relationship in the first place… what are you supposed to learn about yourself and feeling unfulfilled? As we become fulfilled within ourselves, our relationships become fulfilling, too. Lots of love xo
Hi, Shelly,
Thank you for sharing such an amazing, life-changing message. Your article is like an answer to my crazy feelings that has been confusing me. Now, I clearly understood what they are and who is it – it’s the Higher Consciousness.
Also, how can I get in touch with you personally as I would like to discuss on an entrepreneurial speaker invitation for my program here in Malaysia. Do reply to me ya.. Thanks in a million and love you for teaching us all. Peace!
So glad this message felt like an answer to you, Timothy! I’m not available to come to Malaysia at the moment but I’m touched by your offer. Lots of love xo