: 05 April 2013

The 3 Biggest Mistakes People Make in Love

My experience as a Love Coach has shown me that there are 3 big mistakes that many of us make in love. In this article I’m going to outline what these mistakes are, and give you some tips on how you can change them so you can get the love you want.
Mistake #1: People don’t understand how love works.

This first mistake is the biggest of all. If you fix this, I guarantee your love life will completely transform. And unfortunately until you fix this, you’re probably going to feel like you’re running in circles. Because if you don’t understand what’s happening in your relationships, how can you expect them to go well?

People spend way too much time and energy confused about love. They cycle through the same patterns over and over again, not understanding what is going on. We all know that there are few things that are worse than spinning in perpetual confusion and doubt about love. But many of us spend years doing so!

Guess what? You don’t have to live there anymore.

There are many people out there who have been through what you are going through (myself included), and they know how to get through to the other side.

One of the cornerstones of love is that we are one; we’re truly in this together. To me this means that we suffer very similar losses and we experience very similar joys. When it comes to love and relationships, we really aren’t as different as it seems.

Learning from people who can relate to what you’re going through is one of the secrets to knowing yourself on a deeper level. Speaking from my personal experience, I’ve had many guides and teachers in love–without them, there is no way I would have the clarity and joy in relationships that I have today.

My best advice is: find your people! Seek out resources in the form of books, blogs, friends, and professionals. Let them teach you; let them show you the way.

Knowledge is power. Do your heart a favor and get to know how it works. Your love life will thank you for it. 

Mistake #2: People don’t know that love lives in them. 

Once you start to gain clarity about how love works, then you’ll realize that love exists within you.

Many of us don’t realize this. We insist on believing that love lives outside of us, either in people, places, or things. We think to ourselves, “Once I have that, then I will feel love.” We’ve got it all backwards.

Here’s the deal: love is not out there. It’s not somewhere else. It’s in you. When you discover this, you’ll have found the greatest truth and perhaps the greatest secret about love.

Contacting the source of love within you will change your experience in relationships! Because you’ll understand that love is an inside-out process, not the other way around. It starts with you.

Like everything else, if you sit back and wait for love to show-up on your doorstep, then you’re going to be waiting around for love for a long, long time. But if you’re committed to finding love within yourself first, then you will see that love can be anywhere you are. Knowing this is a complete game-changer!

Commit yourself to loving from the inside-out, and watch the love you feel in relationships completely transform. 

Mistake #3: People don’t know that giving love away makes it grow.

We collectively live with the false mentality that whatever we give away, we lose. It’s the perspective of finite resources–limits. What we don’t realize is that love is not ruled by this law.

Whatever love you genuinely give away (without the motive of getting it back) you will automatically receive in return. This is a hard concept for us to grasp because our minds are programmed to believe otherwise. Unfortunately many of us live with the fear that if we freely love, we are set-up to lose, either ourselves or the other person.

This is a lie!

The truth is, anytime you close your heart off to love, you lose love. Anytime you protect yourself from love, you lose love. Anytime you withhold love, you lose love. Many of us self-sabotage our experience in love because of this false belief!

So here is the catch with this mistake: if you do not understand love first (mistake #1) and if you don’t contact the source of love within you (mistake #2) then you are almost guaranteed to make this mistake in relationships. Without knowing on a very deep level that you can never actually lose love, it’s likely that you will limit the amount of love you give away. Because limiting is what we do when we are scared (it’s our way to control situations). This mentality has to be shattered.

Learn the real truth: the more love you give away, the more you will receive in your life and your relationships. Please, don’t hide your love away.

So there you have it: the top three mistakes people make in love! Now that you understand these truths, I hope that you will do what it takes to change your experience in love. Because when you change, your love life has no other choice but to change too.

If we can all make an effort to understand love, find love within ourselves, and give love away, not only can we change the course of our own lives, but we can change the world as we know it. Let’s all do our part to make our own existence, and the state of the world, a more loving place.

1 Comment

  1. Eugene on September 7, 2013 at 12:16 am

    I had a 5 year relationship that I obviously put too much into…after words of it was only sex and walking in on her with a fella I have a mental block with love….for well over 20 years no relationship. I find I beat myself up and don’t trust partnership -any help would be appreciated

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