: 14 April 2013

The Best Way to Ignite Passion in Your Relationship

One of the keys to keeping romance alive is mastering the art of closeness and distance. It’s a dance that’s not easy to do, but is essential if you want to keep the love flowing.
When we are overly-close, our relationships become routine and the love stifles out. But when we’re overly-distant, we feel anxious and uncomfortable. The sweetest spot to be in is being able to navigate BOTH closeness and distance. It’s a dance. And the way we do this dance is by having passions that exist beyond our lovers.

People often think that they have to share everything with their partners. They believe if their partner is not passionate about the same things they are, the relationship is doomed. I say the opposite is true.

Having your own passions in life adds a little comfortable distance and awe in your relationship. Think about it: your personal passion is something your partner knows about, but doesn’t fully understand. This makes you a little mysterious. Not to mention your wisdom can expand your partner’s experience in the world. And that’s hot!

What’s also hot is when you are able to take space from your partner and still feel at peace. If your only passion is your mate, then you’re going to want to be around them all the time. After awhile this can feel a little clingy–it’s not good for your relationship! But if you can be excited and exuberant about other things in your life, trust me, your partner is going to find that really attractive.

Let me give you an example from my own life. I’m in love with my partner. When I’m with him, I feel that love for him in some capacity. But here’s the thing, I’m also in love with my work. I feel incredibly passionate about writing, coaching clients, and spreading the message about love.

My work lights me up in a similar way as my man, which means I currently have two main squeezes (lucky me).

The fact that I have something that I am deeply passionate about that exists outside my relationship makes for great chemistry between me and my guy. You see, I don’t need him to be “on” all the time because I have somewhere else to go to feel passion in my life. I am perfectly happy saying goodbye to him to go express my love and creativity in another way.

Not only is this a nice buffer between us, but it also means that I get to, essentially, be turned-on a lot of the time (again, lucky me).

Unfortunately many of us do the opposite–we use our relationships as a reprieve. Perhaps work isn’t going so well or we’re bored in other areas of our lives. So we rely on our relationships to make us feel better. In the long run this doesn’t work out.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t lean on our partners during hard times, because we should. But if he or she is your only outlet to happiness, then that’s a ton of pressure on them (which never goes well), and it’ll also be a bumpy ride for you.

Because your relationship cannot feel passionately fulfilling 100% of the time.

The best thing you can do to keep passion flowing in your life is to have more than one things to feel passionate about. It’s not about prioritizing something above your relationship or vice versa; it’s about having multiple priorities and moving gracefully between them.

The more you engage your soul and express what you love, the more you will come alive. And when you come alive, your relationship and your life have no other choice but to feel passionately alive, too.

Engage your passionate-self now by leaving a comment below. I’d love to hear what turns you on!

What are you passionate about? 

What makes you come alive? 

How does your passion benefit your relationship? 

The passion in all of us really wants to know. XO


  1. Anita on April 15, 2013 at 11:40 am

    Hi ShellyWhat a lovely article. I am also so passionate about my work as a happiness therapist and my husband just doesn’t get what I find so fascinating about everything related to spiritual endeavors. I don’t know about him but I have always loved how passionate he is about his hobbies despite taking a lot of his free time.

    • Shelly Bullard on April 16, 2013 at 6:13 pm

      Well, as long as you get why you love what you love, that’s what really matters!! Great! Thank you for your service as a happiness therapist, and thank you for your response! XOXO

  2. Shane on April 15, 2013 at 11:48 pm

    Shelly,I liked your article about how to keep the passion in your relationship. I just got out of an abusive relationship almost a year ago and I never thought I would get back in the game (so to speak). Then I started talking to a woman I have known for over twenty years. I have always been attracted to her but never had the courage of self confidence to pursue it. Well to make a long story short, we decided to become intimate and soon we both fell madly in love with each other. I am passionate over her. I am also passionate about writing and all kinds of art. I write poetry and short stories. The thing that makes this so unique is that the passions sometimes combine to help me create good poetry or stories. Today my girl asked me to tell her how much I loved her so I wrote her this poem ;
    You know you are my moon and my stars but the heavens rejoice at the privelege of shining the rays of the sun upon your face.
    The earth heaves a sigh of love wherever your foot touches upon the soil.
    The wind whispers your name to the trees so that a all of nature will know who you are.
    I know the answer to that question deep in my soul. You are my love and my reason for living. You are the complement to my creation.
    That was my passion mixing it up with my other passion.

    She liked it and I think she might give me a kiss for it. What do you think?

    • Shelly Bullard on April 16, 2013 at 6:11 pm

      Shane, lovely poem. And I agree with you–passions can mix. I always tell my man that he is my muse. 🙂 Thank you for your response. Lots of love to you and your lady!! XO

  3. nicole fitzgerald on April 17, 2013 at 3:19 am

    Hi Shelley,Just wanted to say Hi from Australia! Love is everything! My maiden name was “Bullard” and I’m sure we are connected somehow because you seem to have very similar ideals and life outlook to that of my family. Thank you for your kind words!
    Love your work x Nicky

    • Shelly Bullard on April 17, 2013 at 4:30 am

      Great to hear from you Nicky! Thank you for reaching out! XOXO

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Hi, I’m Shelly!

I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.

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