: 04 October 2014

The Easiest Way to Manifest a Relationship

Manifesting isn’t magic or voodoo. The concept actually makes a lot of practical sense: When you believe something’s going to happen and you focus your energy on it happening… it does.  Voilà! Manifesting. 

So if manifesting is this simple, how come it’s difficult for so many people to accomplish, especially when it comes to love and relationships?

Because our limiting beliefs get in the way of us creating the love we want! 

In essence, a limiting belief is any internal message that tells you you can’t have the type of relationship you want.

These beliefs come in many forms (such as thoughts and/or feelings) and they’re sneaky – sometimes we don’t even know we have them! For example, common limiting beliefs that many of us carry are messages such as these:

“I don’t really believe I can find love.” “All men are going to let me down.” “I’m scared of being disappointed again.” 

If you resonate with any of the statements above, then limiting beliefs are keeping you from creating the love you want.

But the good news is you can change your limiting beliefs!

You don’t have to live in a love-reality that doesn’t feel good to you! 

In fact, you’re supposed to evolve beyond your limiting beliefs to create the life and relationship you want. It’s what you’re here to do!

In my program “Your Greatest Love,” I go into great detail about how to dissolve your limiting beliefs because it’s such a crucial step in manifesting an amazing relationship (and most people don’t talk about how to do this!). And in this article, I’ll give you an introduction to this process so you can start overcoming the beliefs that are blocking you from love today.

By changing your internal reality and dissolving your limiting beliefs, your entire experience in love will change, too.

Step 1: Recognize a limiting pattern that’s occurring in your life.

The first thing you must do to change your reality in love is recognize what’s going wrong.

Most people don’t like this part because it requires uncovering some painful stuff (I gently walk people through this process step-by-step in my course because it can be a challenging part of the work).

But the reality is: you can only change the things you see. This means you have to see what’s going wrong in your love life. So let’s start that process…

To identify some of the limiting patterns in your love life, ask yourself these questions:

What’s not working in my love life? What are the ways I don’t like myself in relationships? What are the painful interactions I have with partners? 

Common answers will be: I feel rejected, invalidated, abandoned, or trapped. I feel like people don’t take me seriously, or they don’t see how special I am.

Write down whatever the limiting patterns are (I know this isn’t fun, but doing so is necessary to create the change you want); when you’re finished, move to the next step.

Step 2: Identify the limiting belief. 

Once you identify what goes wrong in your relationships, you’re ready to identify the limiting belief. The limiting belief is the belief that keeps you stuck in this pattern.

So, let’s say the pattern is: I feel unimportant to people. Take a moment to feel into the pattern, close your eyes, and ask yourself, “What do I believe about myself that’s keeping me stuck?” 

Do I secretly doubt that I’m important? Am I afraid that others don’t really care about me? 

Reach deep down and get honest with yourself. Again, this isn’t easy, but it will help you move beyond your issues in love. Once you identify the limiting belief, move on to the next step (the fun part!)…

Step 3: Love yourself the way you want to be loved. 

Our limiting beliefs cause us to seek people we hope will heal our wounds.

But the problem is, we always manifest what we believe about ourselves – so instead of finding a cure in another person, our wounds get reactivated again and again! This is why we repeat painful patterns in relationships.

Now that you’ve discovered the limiting belief that’s holding you back, it’s time for you to love yourself the way you want to be loved.

This means you must learn to give yourself the thing you’re seeking from another person. 

That’s right – You’re Love is the answer.

Once you love yourself through these wounds, the pattern will be broken, and you’ll start attracting partners who are incredible for you.

So how to do that? By calling upon your higher self – your soul, the connection to love within you.

Again, I go into detail about how to do this in my course, but let me give you a taste of this process is like:

Sticking with the example above, if you secretly question if you’re important, then you need to meditate into a centered place and find the essence within you that transcends the limiting belief. It’s a message deep in your heart that says:

You’re important. You’ve always been important. And you’ll always be important.  

It’s as if your adult self (higher self) extends it’s hand to your wounded self (the little one inside of you), and says, “I’m here with you now and I’m never going to leave you. I see you. I accept you. I care about you. You are loved and always will be.” 

When you can sincerely feel your own importance from the inside-out, your limiting pattern will be broken. The belief shifts, you know your worth on a deeper level, and the quality of your relationships will significantly improve as a result. This is the ultimate secret to manifesting the love of your life. 

Trust me when I say that you are very powerful. You’re here to create the love and the life that you desire. Align to the deepest sense of love and truth within you, and love you’ve always been looking for will be yours.

Please leave a comment below telling us the limiting belief that you are going to transform in order to create the life you want.


  1. Anne on October 7, 2014 at 11:33 am

    I am struggling with past issues which include abuse, emotional and physical, breast cancer, and bad choices in my past. I read everything you put out and am actively trying so hard to heal. I have met a wonderful man and hope to grow so the relationship can grow also. Your words have helped!

    • Shelly Bullard on October 8, 2014 at 8:08 pm

      I’m glad!

  2. Ahsoka23 on October 7, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    This came to me at the right time. I have those same limiting beliefs that I am not attractive enough or cool enough or that there is such a lack of available men that I have given up on my search to find the right partner. This all has made me feel very depressed and alone. I just feel that everyone is in a relationship except me and I feel completely left out.
    Thank you for this post. It really made me think about my life and my thoughts.

    • Shelly Bullard on October 8, 2014 at 8:10 pm

      I’m glad.

  3. Tina S on October 7, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    I feel that I am unlovable. My parents turned their backs on me when I went throughmy divorce, so I lost my husband and my family. I have been working on understanding
    that this is my parents issue, they don’t love themselves so of course they cant love
    anyone else.

    • Shelly Bullard on October 8, 2014 at 8:10 pm

      You have to love yourself. Your parents did what they did, and you’re right, that has to do with them. But you have to love yourself, regardless.

  4. Nastassja on October 7, 2014 at 4:44 pm

    Hi Shelly!
    Limiting beliefs that have kept me from real love:
    I am not good enough
    I am not worth the effort
    I am not lovable

    I am transforming these old, negative stories into:
    I deserve love
    I deserve to be wooed
    I am lovable
    I am loved
    I am worthy of love

    Thank you!!

    • Shelly Bullard on October 7, 2014 at 10:39 pm


  5. Rima on October 7, 2014 at 6:33 pm

    Hi Shelly,I know the pattern that occurs at every relationship I had, and i have always known my beliefs (limiting), but I cannot love myself, I cannot reach for my adult self, and make it save my wounded self (the concept is too much abstract for me!!). for me there only one “me” which is very devastated by rejection, bad luck and lack of confidence.
    Three years ago (after my last break up), I was devastated, and depressed, so I decided to find what was wrong with me, why did my relationships (love ones) turn into disaster? I have read many book, many articles in blogs (I have just recently discovered yours), attended several webinars (about self-confidence, self-love,..), got through psychotherapy. After all that, I am not any happier than I was three years ago. I do not seem to have a better image of myself, I am stuck and cannot move forward.
    My limiting beliefs are :
    – I cannot be loved (real love) because I am not beautiful,
    – I am not confident because I am not beautiful (beauty make people more self-confident)
    – there is no such a thing called real love (maybe for me real means unconditional),
    – I am not good enough,
    – none could care about be,
    – I am not important, (and this is no secret)
    and I do not have the slightest idea about “how to transform this in order to create the life I want”.

    • Shelly Bullard on October 8, 2014 at 8:08 pm

      Start telling yourself believable statements about what you want – inch by inch. For example, “Is there a part of me, deep down, that believes that maybe I am good enough, even just a little?” If you can feel the relief of that statement, start there, working your way up. My eCourse would help you: http://www.manifesthim.com

  6. Natalie on October 7, 2014 at 6:44 pm

    I thought I had number three down pretty pat but since my most recent breakup I have realized that I was looking to him to fill a lot of insecurities that I hadn’t yet dealt with. I’m working on letting those all come up and heal them so the next relationship turns out better! Thanks for your work Shelley, I love your blog! <3

    • Shelly Bullard on October 8, 2014 at 8:04 pm

      Thank you for sharing! xo

  7. p on October 7, 2014 at 9:35 pm

    that i’m not good enough, no one will love me.

    • Shelly Bullard on October 8, 2014 at 8:04 pm

      You have to work on changing that.

  8. Sophia on October 7, 2014 at 10:54 pm

    My limiting belief is that there is no one worthy enough. I have worked for a long time on learning to love myself and know my self worth. I just don’t feel there is anyone out there who is for me, who can keep up with me intellectually, physically and spiritually. I refuse to settle. I’m not looking for perfection, just perfect for me. I have accomplished a lot in my life and even though I’m past 50, I’m still growing and exploring my limits and pushing boundaries and thoroughly enjoying my life. I’m ready to share if only there was someone who could keep up. Am I being too impatient? I feel that being single is more fun than wading through all the frogs out there.

    • Shelly Bullard on October 8, 2014 at 8:06 pm

      Then it sounds like your limiting belief is: There’s no one out there who can match me. This isn’t true, but as long as you believe it is, it’s what you’re going to see.

  9. Jennifer on October 9, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    My limiting belief has been ” I dont know what I want!” So i started coming up with some things I would like in a man I meet and now Im just doing my best to enjoy the ride and see who I meet. I think really loving myself and giving myself everything has been the hardest part for some reason. Its been easier to give give give to others and not myself, and thats what Im learning is what do i want and honoring it the best way I can. Thank you Shelly, this article really was perfect today 🙂

    • Shelly Bullard on October 25, 2015 at 10:11 pm

      I’m so glad. xoxo

  10. Erin on October 10, 2014 at 1:12 am

    Thank you Shelly– so healing and empowering. words cannot express the impact you have on me… and the world. Thank you for your passion/living and sharing your truth.

    • Shelly Bullard on October 11, 2014 at 11:01 am

      Thank you so much, Erin. xo

  11. Grace on October 20, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    Wow! What a great read!!!I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately as I have filed for divorce after 27 years of marriage. Emotionally, I have been divorced for the last 8 years, and they have been nearly impossible but thought it was better to stay for my son’s mental health. Turns out it was the right decision as my son is soaring.
    What I have found is that I am always searching for that guy that can make me feel needed and/or loved. Always looking for the one who needs to be fixed has been my M.O. in all of my past relationships.
    I am 53 and just now learning that yes, in order to really be content, one must above all, love oneself. These posts are awesome Shelly and I have been surfing for quite some time now so I know what is out there. A big help to me was finding the book titled, “You Are The Greatest Miracle.” What an inspirational and unique book. I am religious so this book was quite on target for me and I do realize that not everyone is of that opinion and I do respect that.
    Everything I have read that you have authored has been right on target and I truly believe you are helping a lot of women out here and men too. Navigating the loving of oneself is a journey not to be taken lightly as it truly is the foundation for everything
    good that will come your way if you can just incorporate it into your psych permanently.
    Bless you for being there Shelly Bullard! We all have our stories and the experiences of our past make us the unique and wonderful people we are today.
    Give yourselves a break and realize you are THE GREATEST YOU and TRULY LOVE THAT ABOUT YOURSELVES!

    • Shelly Bullard on October 20, 2014 at 10:47 pm

      I love this Grace! Thank you so much for sharing part of your journey with us. It’s so lovely to hear all the amazing changes that all of us are making. So inspirational. Thank you. x

  12. Pooja Bagga on November 24, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    My limiting belief is: There’s something wrong with me, I need to give in order to receive love.Another one: my opinions are useless, they are not worthy
    How do I change that?

    • Shelly Bullard on November 25, 2014 at 9:04 pm

      Close your eyes, breath, feel into your heart and consider these statements: I am worthy of love. There is nothing I have to do for love, and there is nothing wrong with me. Practicing feeling the resonance of these truths deep in your heart. When you do, the feeling will build and build and build.

  13. kev on January 13, 2015 at 4:10 am

    I am 20 years old living in my friend s basement by myself bills and everything with a great job and fantastic health the best guitarist i know and can talk and befriend anybody ,even killers; I have never once had a girlfriend and have been on maybe 2 dates, women of all ages color and attractiveness will tell me how good I look, but whenever I try to get to know them they stop talking to me completely, dodge me ( which makes it literally so so so much worse I can’t express) and just abandon me, its not like I stalk them or say anything out of the ordinary but ever since I 1st grade ( as odd as it may sound) I just wanted someone to care for and the same vice versa, now I live in a world of friends that put me second to their entire list of priorities ( not my point ) its just so hard to walk alone without ever having known what love feels like on such a deep level and every rejection significantly increases my deep depression suicide is only a knot away; I’ve fallen so very deep into this depression not a soul in my life’s existence can pull me out and I am way more than willing to do anything physically spiritually ambitiously more than possible just for one

    • Shelly Bullard on January 13, 2015 at 1:43 pm

      Kevin, this is a very dark message and I hope you find help. Best to start with a psychologist or therapist in your area to start working through your depression and feelings of abandonment. Sending light. x

  14. Carolyna on October 24, 2015 at 8:35 am

    My limiting belief is around ‘there is no one out there who matches me, men who don’t ‘like’ me like that don’t measure up anyway but… what if I have to settle’ – how do I start the change in these beliefs please, I know i need to work on this.

    • Shelly Bullard on October 25, 2015 at 10:17 pm

      You have to take baby steps to shift out of the vibration of: “there isn’t a man who will match me,” into the vibration of: “the are amazing men out there who will definitely match me.” Start with changing your belief to: “It’s possible there are awesome men out there.” Say this statement to yourself, feel into the possibility of it, and it will start to become a more dominant belief (or vibration) within you). Once that happens, you can work your way up. That’s all I can say about it in this comment – I teach the more extensively how to do this in my course, Manifest Your Love (http://manifesthim.com/) so if you want dive in, it’s best to enroll for that. 🙂 With love. xo

  15. Devina Badhwar on February 24, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    Hi Shelly,
    I had written to you on Facebook but didn’t realise it’s best to contact you here. I have truly been inspired by your journey and look up to you so much. I have 2 issues- One that I have been single for almost 6 years and I am aware that I have certain fears and blocks that are keeping me from meeting right man. I wanted to enroll in your course but unable to afford the full one as I’m in between work.
    My 2nd issue is- I’m confused whether to become a psychologist or life coach. I have a bachelors degree in Psychology and I get immense joy from helping people in whichever way that I can. Since you’re a licensed therapist, I was hoping you could give me some direction or institute where I could get the right qualifications to practice professionally. I would really appreciate it!


    • Shelly Bullard on February 25, 2016 at 9:15 am

      If money is a challenge for you, I would become a life coach (graduate school is expensive!) And even if money wasn’t a challenge, I would probably still become a life coach. Less time needed to do the same work. 🙂

  16. Michael Sorrell on June 30, 2017 at 7:11 am

    Hello Shelly I a 54 years old and have never had a lot of money and have always went from one job to a other finally now I have figured out the issues are the limiting beliefs that I have carried all my life. I understand that I chose my parents and my siblings to help me learn these issues of self worth. I have finally met a very beautiful Chinese girl that I really love and I am alsonreallyveabting to learn to love myself and forgive those who have hurt me in the past the law of attraction is working for me now but slowly and I know I need to be patient with myself as well. I really feel that I can overcome these issues of self worth.

    • Shelly Bullard on July 1, 2017 at 5:13 am

      Beautiful, Michael. Thank you so much for sharing your journey and doing this deep work.

Before you dive any deeper...

Hi, I’m Shelly!

I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.

On any random Saturday, you could find me hiking in the Redwoods with my family during the day AND relaxing to all songs on 🎶the foggy jazz🎶 station on Spotify in the evening with my man…

I’ve helped 125,000+ expansive, beautiful humans manifest their desires through my YouTube channel.

Over the last decade, I transformed my love life… I went from feeling terrified that I may never find love or have a family of my own to manifesting marriage, my baby, our dream home, and so much more. Now, I want to help you do the same.

Hey love! Let’s manifest love, relationships & wealth together.

You with me?

Tired of the same old inbox experience? Think of me as your manifestation big sister, here to guide and inspire you in relentlessly claiming your beautiful desires. I’m here to deliver a blend of affirmations, meditations, visualizations, real-life love stories and practical manifestation tools right into your inbox.






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