: 19 November 2013

5 Qualities Men Find Attractive in Women

A couple years ago, when I newly single and started to date for the first time post-awakening (so I tuned-into myself and others in a whole, new way), I was surprised to find that there were so many good men out there. Hot men! Present men. Kind men. Strong men.

Men who were the whole package!

I hadn’t always been an energetic match for such amazing men so the quality of guys I was coming across came as a huge surprise.

So how did I get to the place where I was now seeing incredible men all over the place? 

Well, that’s basically what my course “Your Greatest Love” is all about, but in this article, I’ll give you a taste of some of the changes I made.

It basically comes down to this:

When we do deep, internal work, we naturally start to blossom. These internal changes create a whole new aura around us, which completely shifts how people relate to us.

This is the secret to attracting incredible relationship.

This is the secret to attracting anything you want in your life.

With that, here are 5 qualities that naturally occur in women who do deep, internal work. Not surprisingly, they’re also 5 of the traits that have the power to naturally attract incredible men into your life.

1) Show Your Depth

Depth is the ability to feel the world around you. It’s soulful, beautiful and real.

Women have such a profound capacity to connect with meaning in the world. We’re naturally compassionate, heart-centered creatures. Men are drawn to this. 

So what does depth look like? It’s a little difficult to describe in words, but I’m going to try.

I feel depth in my heart when I’m loving. I feel depth when I’m breathing and living in the present moment. I feel it when I care deeply for someone or something.

As a woman, I encourage you to go there – into the deep space within you. If you do, the good guys will be drawn to go there with you, too.

2) Have Boundaries

Say “no” when you want to say no. Seriously. It’s as simple (and as difficult) as that.

Boundaries are something that we all struggle with. We’re scared of being rejected; we’re scared of rejecting someone else; so we just skip the “no’s” altogether.

This never works out in our favor.

When you set boundaries, it shows that you have self-worth. It means that a man actually has to act like a gentlemen if he wants to hang-out with you! And ladies, the gentlemen like this!

Any man who doesn’t respect your boundaries is automatically disqualified. I’m serious – t’s a good screening tool. 😉

3) Receive Him

This is another concept that can seem a little elusive, but I’ll try my best to explain what it is.

A man wants to make an impact on a woman. He wants to feel important (don’t we all?).

When you receive a man – by listening to him, engaging in conversation, laughing, etc – he feels like he’s impacting you. This promotes a desire to be close. 

Playing hard-to-get, on the other hand, promotes the opposite. It encourages you to be cold in order to hook a man in fear. This is just flat-out manipulation. Because of that, it will never bring us the type of man, or relationship, you want.

4) Be Authentic

I know you’ve heard it before but it needs to be said: Men find it very refreshing when a woman can be who she is, without trying to please or impress him too much.

We all know when someone is being authentic or not. We can feel the vibe in the air. Inauthenticity tends to feel anxious and awkward, while authenticity feels real.

And real feels good.

Of course it’s not easy to be authentic 100% of the time, especially in the presence of someone you like. But you can practice.

Hopefully we’re all practicing living from our truth as much as we can because it’s the secret to a really good life.

5) Work on Self-Love Everyday

Self-love is the foundation, baby.

If you don’t have love within, you aren’t going to find it with someone else.

It’s crucial for you to practice feeling complete and content on your own. The myth that a man will complete you will leave you feeling incomplete, therefore desperately chasing after a man!

Not. Good.

Instead, do things everyday that promote self-love. Here are a few practices that you can implement: meditation, exercise and eating healthy, journaling, being with people you love, gratitude, a desire to make a positive impact on the world.

Feel love, with or without a man. This will inspire a really good man to love you, too.

When you’re out there interacting with men, remember this: the icing on the cake is the man, but girl, you are the cake! Please don’t forget it.

There are great guys out there. Stay connected to your own greatness, and they’ll come flowing your way.

Please leave a comment below telling us about the great men you know, and how you inspire them. I can’t wait to hear from you.


  1. Sneha on December 18, 2013 at 10:21 pm

    I have had this strong feeling for a guy in my same college. He is two years bigger than me and I am new to this school and just came to know he has someone , it hurts a lot that someone whom i have so strong feelings for is with someone else but I am happy that he is happy but I want to know whether it is fine to love someone we don’t know much about???

    • Shelly Bullard on December 19, 2013 at 5:48 am

      Yes, I think we can feel unspoken connections with people who we don’t know, but it is also important to keep your eyes open to see if that person is actually a good fit for you in a relationship.

  2. Barbaraparker on December 29, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    I am the woman you wrote about.The one who changes the way she feels with a man.I’ve always dated good-looking men the ones that are emotionally unavailable. Because I too was afraid of commitment.I met and married a warm and tender man and was married for 23 years.We were bestfriends.I now a widow after a long battle with cancer.I was completely lost for years I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of grief.I realized how much I depended on him for my happiness.
    I found myself worried that no man would sree like my husband did young Nd beautiful.I would use men like entertainment.Never really just being my self conforming to what I thought they wanted.Always losing myself.When I read your article It really hit home.

    • Shelly Bullard on December 29, 2013 at 11:13 pm

      I’m glad you can relate. 🙂

  3. Tara on December 29, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    I had a confident mother and father, I on the other hand don’t have the confidence that I am so needing and wanting at 42! I suffer from abandonment issues and I have a very hard time trusting a man! And yet at times I am strong and independent! But for the most part I REALLY want and NEED to know how to work on my confidence and self love so that I can start living and loving with complete trust! I just ended a 19 year 9 month marriage and have 3 beautiful, healthy children and I am a very thankful person! I just lack inner love and confidence!!!! HOW DO I WORK ON GETTING THIS???

    • Shelly Bullard on December 29, 2013 at 11:12 pm

      Self love is key. “How to” it’s necessarily straight-forward (unfortunately there isn’t a manual). If you are interested in working with me, I can help you. Just let me know.

  4. ihra on July 24, 2016 at 9:01 am

    I also had this experience of receiving a man, online. He’s 6yrs older than me andby the time we started chatting, it seemed like we’re inseparable! We laughed, joked and talked about ANYTHING. I fell in love with him right away and I know he was too. But all of a sudden, he became quiet. I asked him to tell me if it’s over or just block me in his account, but he never did. I didn’t get in touch with him anymore after I have said my piece. Just recently, he began to like my posts. I cannot understand what he really intends to do with our relationship. Right now, I’m recovering and treated him as just a friend.

  5. Misha on February 3, 2017 at 6:15 pm

    this is so great. it all circles back to self love and acceptance of the wonderful being that you are. You actually helped me find that again with your program on Mind Body Green. Thank you for doing what you do!

    • Shelly Bullard on May 23, 2017 at 6:09 am

      Beautiful, Misha! xoxox

Before you dive any deeper...

Hi, I’m Shelly!

I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.

On any random Saturday, you could find me hiking in the Redwoods with my family during the day AND relaxing to all songs on 🎶the foggy jazz🎶 station on Spotify in the evening with my man…

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