: 01 March 2013

Why the Fantasy of Prince (or Princess) Charming is Dangerous

I’m sure you’ve indulged in the fantasy of finding your special prince or princess–that one person who holds the key to your heart? Yes, it’s definitely a nice story to get lost in. But I have to tell you that this fairytale comes with it’s own set of complications. In this article I’m going to talk about why you should be wary of longing for your knight (or knightress) in shining armor, and how to put yourself back on the path to happily ever after.
I want to begin by saying that I believe you have a soul mate. There is definitely someone for you to be partnered with, for you to share your life with, for you to grow with and love. I don’t have any doubts about that (and neither should you). And it’s only natural for you to long for that person until they show up.

However, keep in mind that the way in which you seek out your significant other plays a big role in how the relationship unfolds. Because how we feel before we enter a relationship is eventually how we feel within the relationship, too.

What I mean is, if you look for a partner from the stance of I need to be saved or my prince is going to complete me, then I hate to break it to you but you’re going to be seeking salvation and completion while in the relationship too. Because people and relationships don’t complete us. They never have, they never will. This is where fairytales lead us astray.

It’s so easy to believe that the “right” person is going to make everything better. But this is a delusion! People who come into our lives don’t make everything better. In fact, they don’t really change a thing.

People don’t like to hear this but it’s true. Your happiness is not based on other people. A deep sense of contentment is not dependent on what you’ve got. If happiness was partner-dependent then don’t you think there would be a lot more happy people out there? The answer is not in them; it’s in you.

Happiness is contingent on who you are, how you choose to live your life, and aligning yourself with love (inside first, then outside as well).

Most people who feel unsatisfied skip the internal-exploration part and jump right into looking for the answer out there. We look for fulfillment in money, accolades, substances, food, sex–you name it, we’ll try to get it to make us feel good! And our favorite place to look for happiness? In the arms of another, of course.

Sure, the beginning can be blissful. But if we felt like something was missing before we met this person, then slowly and surely that same feeling will creep back in and we’ll find ourselves right where we started. Only now we’ll have someone on our arm.

The cycle doesn’t stop there.

Ironically, from this position the madness of seeking starts all over again. Now we are dissatisfied in the relationship (so it becomes the problem) and the new answer becomes longing to be single again or searching for another mate. We relationship-hop, hoping to land with that extra-special someone who will make all our wishes and dreams come true!

If you do this, stop. Just stop. You’re going in circles. You are never going to arrive to where you want to be. Because the answer you are looking for is not outside of you. It’s within.

If you want to feel love then get to know yourself. I’m serious. Connect into your truth, connect into your fullness. Find out who you really are. Ask yourself what you want, how you want to be in the world, and what you stand for–then make it happen!

If you actually do this–if you find a deep sense of love within yourself (in or out of a relationship)–then you’ll be amazed at how much love appears all around you. This is literally the key to life (in my opinion). This is the path to happily ever after!

Change happens on the inside–when you change what’s going on within yourself then your whole world can change too. You’ve got the power, you just have to make it happen.

The next time you catch yourself longing to be saved remember that you are your own saving grace. Instead of seeking your love on the outside go within to find fulfillment and peace. And once you do, I promise you that your knight in shining armor will show up on your doorstep, only now they’ll be looking a lot more shiny then you could’ve ever possibly imagined.



  1. Rory on March 6, 2013 at 2:51 am

    I love you. Thank you. I do all what you say in this reading. With 15 years of being sober. 15 years of Zen compassion for one. The love for or selfs an others is the answer. Still single @ 54. I know she is out there.To know are ture selfs.So we can put love into the world. Thank you.

  2. Jasmine on June 21, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    Thanks you Shelly for this wonderful article – it has definitely hit ‘home’ for me! I have been single for a very long time since the love of my life left. Since then I have been through depression but have pulled myself out. My previous relationship brought up so much fear and feelings of inadequacies (as mentioned in one of your previous articles).
    I do understand that you can find everything on the inside but most time I forget especially when trying to search for the man of my dreams! I keeping going back to this ideal man knowing deep down he doesn’t exist. I also find it hard to accept other guys but its really me who needs to accept myself.

    Thanks you so much for your wise words – your truly amazing and very beautiful on the inside as well as on the out 🙂

  3. Maucha on July 10, 2013 at 10:44 am

    Hi shelly.I’ve been out of a relationship for almost two years, but during these two years I have worked hard on my own dreams and goals and I can tell u I have achieved a lot and I feel proud of myself. The only thing i used to tell myself at times is that the only missing thing in my life is the emotional component( of course not from family and friends since it’s there).I wouldn’t say it will make my life complete but it would definitely add colors to it because I know that I can stand alone in this life if I won’t get the chance to meet mr. Right . So do u think in this way of thinking I’m asking that someone to complete my life?

    • Shelly Bullard on July 10, 2013 at 4:14 pm

      Desiring a partnership is natural and normal. Keep desiring, and add emotional components in before he arrives!

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