: 25 March 2014

What Women Really Want From a Man

Guys, I know women confuse the s#*t out of you. I’ll be the first to admit it: we can be totally and utterly confusing.
But trust me when I say: there is a method to our madness; there are very specific things that a woman wants from a man. And I’m going to tell you what they are.

The truth is, guys, I want you to do well with women. Because when you do well with women, women are happy! And when women are happy, we do well by our men. This is the relationship cycle that we all want to be a part of.

So with that in mind, here are four straightforward things that a woman really wants from a man. Integrate these into your life, and you’ll inspire an incredible woman to glow by your side.

1. She wants a man to take the initiative.

To most women, the ideal date goes like this: A man figures out all the details and he makes it happen.

Seriously. Just get it done.

You may think that a woman wants to be in control of where to go and what to do, but believe it or not, most women love it when her man decides.

The reason for this is we already have our plates full. Figuring out the details of a date is just another thing to add to our to-do lists. And we hate our to-do lists!

One of the most enjoyable things about a date is that a woman gets to feel taken care of by you. That’s the best part. Your initiative is a serious turn-on (I can’t emphasize this enough). Take care of all the details, and your woman will feel so taken care of by you.

2. She wants a man to be present with her.

Men, your presence goes a long way with a woman. What I mean by presence is your awareness, your connection to right now, and your uncompromised attention on her.

Now, I am not saying that you need to pay attention to your woman all the time. That’s not possible, nor is it enjoyable for anyone involved.

What I am saying, however, is that a woman desires a certain amount of quality time with you on a regular basis. This is nonnegotiable if you want to keep your relationship fresh, alive, and free.

Women start pulling for more attention when they feel deprived of it. And, of course, this clingy behavior makes you back away. I get it–it doesn’t feel good. The anecdote for this is spending quality time with a woman when you can.

Let’s be honest, we spend a lot of time with our partners, but much of it isn’t quality time. Sitting on the couch watching TV is not quality time. Turning off your phone, looking her in the eyes, asking her questions and genuinely listening to her answers, is.

Make an effort to be present with your woman when you are able to do so. I promise you, her connection to you will flourish as a result.

3. She wants a man to praise her beauty.

Yes, women like to be told that they are beautiful. What’s so wrong with that?!

Many of us can be judgmental about this, but the reason is deeper than one might expect. We aren’t talking about simple vanity here; praising a woman’s beauty is important to her because she wants to know that a man sees her.

He sees her light. He sees her radiance. He sees her uniqueness. He sees her heart.

It is not your job to convince a woman that she’s beautiful. In fact, you can’t. A woman must have enough self-esteem to accept your compliments. If she doesn’t think she’s pretty, there’s no way she’ll believe that you do, either.

However, many women will be able to take in a man’s praise, and if she can, she’ll want to hear it often.

This is just part of being a woman–we should accept it as normal and encourage the beauty in us all! By doing so, the women of the world will brighten (literally, right before your eyes), and this means much more light for the world.

4. She wants a man to act like The Man.

When I say act like The Man, I’m not talking about an inflated ego, arrogance, or a machismo attitude. These qualities do not inspire anything except distance and distrust.

What I am talking about is this: Act with integrity in all that you do.

Integrity is defined as the state of being whole and solid, as well as the qualities of being honest and moral. So what it means to act with integrity is pretty simple: Be a good man. 

Know your impact on others and take it seriously! Be a man who cares about using his clarity and strength to make this world a better place.

Without integrity, it’s nearly impossible for a woman to trust a man. And without her trust, your relationship is going to feel like hell. You know what I’m talking about; it is not fun to be on the other end of a distrustful woman. The way to avoid this is simple… be trustworthy.

Men, keep in mind that you have a lot to offer women and the world. So much good will come from you being the best man that you can be; women will benefit, and everyone else you come in contact with will, too.

Ladies, please leave a comment below praising the great qualities of great men you know! I look forward to hearing from you.


  1. Peggy on March 27, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    So true! Love this.

    • Shelly Bullard on March 27, 2014 at 10:52 pm

      Thanks Peggy!

  2. Dr. James Bowman on March 27, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    We read your amazingly insightful and uplifting information often, and again, as always, you are right on the mark with this article, just last night we were talking and when I asked why she chose me and what keeps that growing stronger, she said everything you said above – guess truth is truth, eh? Anyway, thank you so much for your humor, wisdom and practical approach to making life and relationships the gifts which they are and deserve to be recognized as such…

    • Shelly Bullard on March 27, 2014 at 3:54 pm

      Thank you, James! Such a sweet message. I love that your woman listed these exact qualities! Much love to you both.

  3. Jim on March 27, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    Hi Shelly,
    Once again you hit a “bull’s eye”. Thank you!

    • Shelly Bullard on March 27, 2014 at 10:51 pm

      Thank you Jim!!!

  4. Jeff B. on March 27, 2014 at 4:47 pm

    Great article Shelly, thanks for the inspiration!

    • Shelly Bullard on March 27, 2014 at 10:51 pm

      You are welcome, Jeff!

  5. Morticia on March 27, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    I love this. Right on the money. I would like a guy to be honest and trustworthy. I don’t want to worry about him cheating on me. Cheating…If a guy/girl wants more in the bedroom than they should be able to talk about it. I think that is tough in relationships, because we are too afraid to hurt each others feelings. I think people need to be more open minded and maybe taught how to tell each other what we want. As far as precense, yes, I agree, but as women, we need to keep in mind that people come into relationships as individuals and we still need that in the relationship too, Me time is important, as long as the man doesn’t take too much me time. Guys just need to communicate more to women. Tell us what you want. If we tell each other what we want and what we don’t want from the very beginning, it would be that simple (in my opinion). I had a boyfriend just stop talking to me all together. It would be nice to know what I did wrong or what he didn’t like about me. Kind of like an exit interivew. Sometimes we can’t see what we are doing wrong. Thanks for listening. I just started reading your blog and it’s great, very informative! Thanks for sharing it with us.

    • Shelly Bullard on March 27, 2014 at 9:28 pm

      Yes, I agree with you about telling the truth and being up front about who we are and what we want. We are all really scared of hurting each other’s feelings that it keeps us from really telling the truth. If we take small steps to change this, in affects our experience in relationships greatly. Unless you feel like you can be the “real” you with another person, there is no way the relationship will work.

      • Stella on March 28, 2014 at 6:22 am

        so your last sentence only applies to what type of relationships? I’m confused because when you set perameters on relationships and how you want them to be you aren’t allowing the other to be real! Therefore, the relationship doesn’t work. Aren’t you saying here that a healthy relationship is one where both individuals are allowed to be open, honest, and real? Love is love right? Whether it be love in a sexually intimate relationship or a loving non-sexual relationship. There’s really no difference. Isn’t that what you strive for in all relationships?

        • Shelly Bullard on March 28, 2014 at 6:28 pm

          Relationships work when we are serving each other – not by sacrificing ourselves, but by putting our best effort forward. This article is an attempt to help men understand what women want (because many of them don’t actually know) so that they can, if it feels authentic and fulfilling to them, come forward in a way that is ALSO pleasing to a woman. I believe the more “real” we become, the better partners we become.

          • Stella on March 29, 2014 at 3:21 am

            I know what the article says. I was referring to your response to Mortica-being real, telling the truth, being yourself. Again, is all your ‘advice’ only applicable to sexually intimate relationships? You replied using the words, “another person.” No indication that it need be a sexual/intimate partner therefore it seems your ‘advice’ is applicable to all relationships, yet it’s mostly about what women want from men or how to attract a man, etc. I’m just trying to understand your view on relationships in general because I believe love is love (obviously there are different levels/types of love), and it seems that from reading many of your articles, you believe in love too. So are they mutually exclusive or not? It seems to me to be in a healthy relationship (no matter the kind) one must allow for each other to be real, authentic, feel safe telling the truth and allowing for each other to be up front without perimeters.

  6. Tiffany on March 27, 2014 at 5:14 pm

    I completely agree with everything written here 100%. My man operates with such great integrity being a wonderful father figure to my children and accepting them as his own. His manlyhood and his take initiative qualities make him extremely sexy! Men take heed to this article and use the guidance given you won’t be sorry!

    • Shelly Bullard on March 27, 2014 at 9:26 pm

      YES!!! We have to spread the word 😉

  7. sara on March 28, 2014 at 12:04 am

    Thanks! Well said. Very true for me at least

  8. Marla on March 28, 2014 at 12:34 am

    Shelly- thank you for putting this into words. Beautifully written! There ARE men out there that do these things! And I am so grateful that I am marrying one. He does all these things…and more! Took a long time to “find” him and for me to realize that these are the things that are important. But so worth the wait!

    • Shelly Bullard on March 28, 2014 at 12:48 am

      Hi Marla!!! I’m so happy for you, sweetie. You look very happy! So much love to you & T. xoxox

  9. Shamonique on March 28, 2014 at 1:43 am

    The best quality that my Man has is his ability to connect with me. It is as if looks into my soul and feels what I need to hear or need to be done and then he finds ways to be of service to me. Rather it be the encouraging word or reassuring glance he works at meeting my emotional needs. I cant wait to share this article with him. Thanks Shelly! You have played such an important role in the foundation of my realtionship.

    • Shelly Bullard on March 28, 2014 at 3:48 am

      That makes me so happy to hear, Shamonique!! xoxo

  10. Laura on March 28, 2014 at 3:23 am

    bang on Shelly – thank you! and thank you for addressing men in this article too!

  11. Ruth on March 28, 2014 at 6:07 am

    I would LOVE to email this to my recent ex, but I won’t. Better to move forward instead of dwelling on the past! Thanks Shelly 🙂

  12. Michael on March 29, 2014 at 1:33 am

    So if a man possesses those four qualities and a woman resists him, could it be that she knows that she is not trustworthy and is protecting the gentleman, even if she desires him. What should the gentleman do?

    • Shelly Bullard on March 29, 2014 at 2:11 am

      If she’s resisting you, something’s off. I’d have to know more details to know what is.

  13. Lynelle on March 31, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    You nailed it! The integrity piece is crucial!! A man could be the “be all – end all”. He could be the sun and the moon and make me feel like I’m in heaven. But if he doesn’t have integrity, it’s a deal breaker for me. Not just in terms of “cheating”, but even in the small things. I’ve learned that I can’t tolerate someone who is not whole, forthright, and genuine at their core. Thanks for helping men to see just how important this is.

  14. Raymond Jones on April 3, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    Shelly,Thank you for posting this, it’s excellent. So true in every way.

    • Shelly Bullard on April 3, 2014 at 5:11 pm

      You’re welcome, Raymond!

  15. Jonathan on April 5, 2014 at 4:56 am

    I am hoping I can get back to being a good man again and start loving women! I don’t like the negative views I have now

  16. Corrie on January 27, 2015 at 1:29 pm

    How do you deal with realizing that your man is so much a Narcissistic that you were stuck between being abused emotionally and verbally now matter how you tried to understand him or yourself as you settle for no empathy and experience no intimacy while you lived together for 3 years and finally walking out for good just to be ambushed with all that he perceived of your weaknesses and faults he has never before ever mentioned to you. Like you were being secretly judged and everything was nothing but deception and lies and selfishness. I am blown away to find myself being abused with such manipulation by my lover who hides behind a mask just to attack me even as he knew my confusion and pain without communicating only silient treatment and cold and cruel lying and secret masturbation and using the excuse of being shy as never initiating sex or intimate feelings only comments being texted. Never a card or flowers or not once a romantic dance he was 58 yr old selfish child I feel I saved what was left of me as I left knowing better than to ever go back. I’m in shock as I realize the truth that he would’ve and could’ve stolen my soul if I had stayed

    • Shelly Bullard on January 27, 2015 at 2:43 pm

      People treat you how you treat yourself. It’s a hard reality for us to face.

Before you dive any deeper...

Hi, I’m Shelly!

I’m a relationship coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, wife, girl mom, world traveler and… a damn good manifesting teacher.

On any random Saturday, you could find me hiking in the Redwoods with my family during the day AND relaxing to all songs on 🎶the foggy jazz🎶 station on Spotify in the evening with my man…

I’ve helped 125,000+ expansive, beautiful humans manifest their desires through my YouTube channel.

Over the last decade, I transformed my love life… I went from feeling terrified that I may never find love or have a family of my own to manifesting marriage, my baby, our dream home, and so much more. Now, I want to help you do the same.

Hey love! Let’s manifest love, relationships & wealth together.

You with me?

Tired of the same old inbox experience? Think of me as your manifestation big sister, here to guide and inspire you in relentlessly claiming your beautiful desires. I’m here to deliver a blend of affirmations, meditations, visualizations, real-life love stories and practical manifestation tools right into your inbox.






The 3 Most Important Steps to Manifest Your Specific Person



4 Steps to Manifest the Greatest Love of Your Life



7 Easy & Unexpected Ways to Manifest Money



3 Self Love Journal Prompts That Will Change Your Life